Friday, September 11, 2009

If Only I Could...

Write the next chapters of my life. Sure it could be argued that we all do, that we all through our actions put pen to paper in the script of our life. I am not talking about the formulation of a story in the moment, but rather the expansion of a story beyond the here and now, the scripting for the lead male role in a form/flavor other than the current, Reluctant Prince Charming. I started to read Jane Eyre again for likely the dozenth time, in part because I love the book - even though I do know the ending - it is the beauty throughout that captures me. The fight for two people broken, individually held together by their own self will, their hearts consumed with the lies they've absorbed, and yet desperate to believe there is something out there for them. Jane is torn by Mr. Rochester's secret and yet comes back and redeems him through her forgiveness and grace. I won't say that my life will ever imitate art or any version of it, or what I even wish it would. But I guess there is hope in the knowing that the lies we accept will one day shed and we can come to realize that what we never thought was possible, or what we were never worthy of will appear in our life if we follow our convictions and our journey, regardless of the trials.

Funny enough speaking of journeys AB and I never really discussed what we see for our futures and so on and so forth, and to be honest given that a year ago I was being watched 24hrs a day for my own health, it hasn't really been on the forefront of my mental agenda until recently. HSBBF was the first person I think I formally articulated my vision to, so drum roll, here it goes. I want to teach yoga to teenagers. Now I know you were expecting that I would try and better the world through teaching the importance of starching your linen napkins and so on, but no really. Yoga as a vehicle for self acceptance, patience, calm and reduced anxiety in the mess of our culture. As for the whole "list" and all that - I posted a long time ago my list of deal breakers as for other issues, basically looking for someone who has some kind of artistic pursuit, whether it be music, drawing, writing - something that they are passionate about in that way...

Regardless I need to get back to what I'm not passionate about at the moment...

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