Saturday, July 30, 2011

You'd Think We Were Past This

L stopped by yesterday afternoon to chat and see her old home.  In our conversation about relationships - the freedom I have with X - he treats me like an adult that can take care of herself - go figure, I am.  Then it came up that CEF was the opposite - he is the opposite of X in every way - which is why I'm still with X and I would like to never hear from CEF again.  Now we've discussed why I blog anonymously, why I am more vague than I really should be, my militancy about secrecy apparently is about as effective as the US/Canada boarder.  It works most of the time, but well there are moments you do not ever anticipate.

Like I never anticipated that CEF would contact L's husband on FB.

My first reaction was what did he tell him, thinking please Lord I hope he didn't tell him anything of significance. That information made me realize that I cannot seal myself off perfectly - ever.  Stupid Google, FB and even Twitter - I cannot guarantee that I won't find myself face to face with a man that would likely make me soil myself or just bolt.  Hopefully I just turn and channel Kara Goucher and hope that no one is with me because I'm going to be one seriously hot mess after it all.

I keep hoping that we've put enough time between us - it's going be 3 full years this September. I just wonder - what happens when I get into graduate school elsewhere - away from family - my name will be Google-able - what then?  Do I change my name?  Do I tell my future school I've got a  CEF I don't want showing up at my office hours?  Or am I still talking and walking like the same wounded woman I was 3 years ago.  I am not sure which is worse to be honest.


Friday, July 29, 2011


Sorry for my negligence of the blog - more changes - I just signed over all my future hypothetical progeny to the government and bank - yes it is officially really official.  So much after giving my future to the government I found myself standing in H&M trying to figure out what the non-business world wears on a regular basis.  I didn't think it would be so hard to switch the worker out of my brain - I mean I am counting down the days until I leave my job (SO excited), so should I be excited to give away most of my work clothes and shoes I really don't love and replace them with jeans, cardigans and flats? Apparently it proved too difficult to make that mental transition, the debt pricetag in my head definitely put the breaks on too.

So instead I came home and started purging, cleaning and reorganizing - yes the OCD in me comes out in full force when there is stress to be processed. On that note - I found 3 frames that need insides - I would like to have inspirational quotes in them.

So lovely people enough about my stress - what words inspire you?

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Everytime I wear my stilettos I'm reminded of this song

I hope you find the joy you spent your life giving with your art, but never were able to personally know.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Dear Future Employees

Remember your future boss might be (probably is) on Facebook.  Just a word of advice, you may love Playboy but we run a family friendly company, so try to avoid the bunny being your profile photo.

Sad or Maybe Secretly Happy

AB and I are still FB friends, so when his relationship status change came up, I being an ex, decided to check out who has officially come after me.  Hmmm... she's his ex-roommate for whom he had nothing good to say about to me, apparently her antics and drama where so outrageous /unbearable that he moved out.  The relationship actually does not at all surprise me.  AB has a thing for these kinds of women,  they came before me, so it is no surprise that they or she would come after. The question more for me is - so was I a moment of sanity or insanity for AB?  Was I the 30's something part of his brain, saying time to man up and get a girl who doesn't lie, cheat, starve because she doesn't have a stable job and parties all the time.  Or what I the experiment with on of those "straight-laced" kind, the rebel relationship equivalent for a  hipster?  Whatever I was, I am smirking, because honey your 30's may be the new 20's, in some respects, but it doesn't mean you should keep repeating the same mistakes.  Good luck AB, not sure whether to hope you don't get an STI or hope you knock her up and it straightens you out, or neither.  Let's go with neither and a splash of possible infection.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Audiobooks aren't working for me

I tried to listen to Middlemarch on a free podcast - it was a disaster.  I am feeling a little hopeless about the prospect about finishing the book.  Given that feeling, I shelved the book and picked the next one up in the to read pile (I have about 6 books required for graduate school I've been cycling though - I'm stuck on all of them).  I picked up A Clockwork Orange.  I understand that it is a "required" or even "recommended" read.  However, the book is in a whole other dialect - it's a hybrid of English and an English/Russian mix.  More to the point, it has a three page glossary to go with the book.  I had started to just translate the book, skimming for all the foreign words and penciling in the English versions. While it isn't a long book, it isn't short either and as such I gave up and shelved the book.  I opted to rent the movie, in the hopes I would get a handle on the story and be able to grasp the book.  I stopped after 20 minutes of the movie. A Clockwork Orange, like Martin Amis' Money is one of those books I cannot abide.  I respect that it is art and like all art it does not need to or even strive to appeal to everyone.   But who does it appeal to is my question.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Work Issues Aside

Well not quite aside, of the twenty plus resumes we've received today, only 3 have been via fax and of those only 2 submitted hand written cover letters.  So I guess I dodged a bullet, I don't have to weed the pile down to a half dozen to interview because so far I only have two candidates.

But it's not about the work, this is about that dastardly book called Wuthering Heights I've been having an epic struggle with.  The struggle has ceased thanks to iTunes which offers a FREE (though I would have paid) audio book service for classics.  It is a partnership with universities which offers a chapter by chapter reading of classic texts. Okay so I didn't technically "read" the last 6 chapters of the book, however I did listen to them while doing my GRE math preparation.  I am actually considering using the service for other classics that I cannot find the patience or desire to get into like Middlemarch or EM Forester's works like A Passage to India, which are on my "to read" pile.

A Note from Your Future Boss

I manage a small business currently - that all will be ending in about a month or so, however, before we get to the joy of freedom I get to go through the hell of year end, hiring and training both my replacement and another staff person.  I posted an advertisement which stated that ALL resumes are to be received by FAX with a handwritten cover-letter.

Before I continue I must *sigh*, now can I reiterate that you will not be considered for a job in my office if you cannot follow instructions.  I already have one employee who refuses to do so, I (and my replacement CW) do not need another.

So that being said, you're already in the trash pile when you email me. You're even further into that pile if that is even possible when you have typographic errors, colloquial statements and emoticons in your non-handwritten cover letter.  I am sorry to sound all serious and dower but I am not your "BFF," I am your semi-future boss (I'm still doing the hiring at this stage regardless of who is actually in management after).  I absolutely refuse to accept a resume from someone who has yet to grasp the concept of a first impression.  It makes my blood boil that there is an inability to work for  job.  Yes dear Gen Yer's you need to put out effort for an interview.

I've got to go purge the 10 emails in my inbox right now and maybe drink a little.  For those in management what are your biggest pet peeves about the hiring process?

Monday, July 11, 2011

Wuthering Heights, You're going down

If you don't follow me on my unrelated Twitter account you probably are completely unaware that I laid the challenge down to Wuthering Heights, it was Bronte or me.  More specifically I was prepared to not pick up another novel from my stack until I had finished Wuthering Heights. I had started it many times but always found myself throwing it in the bottom of the "to-read" pile, only to find it on the top a few months later.   This time I knew I had to take it out of circulation permanently.  I would have acheived that this weekend if not for my chronic migraine of late and my GRE preparation.  Yes the GRE has the power to seduce me away from a novel these days. I know that I need to get cracking on both my reading and my studying so that come September the procrastination novel stack will be gone and the GRE will be prepared for as much as possible.

*Fingers Crossed*

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Holiday, What Holiday?

I was suppose to have this week off.  I stress the word SUPPOSE.  Obviously that didn't happen and I will be working 4 1/2 out of the 5 days this week.  On my one day off I get a phone call from my boss who is on vacation - so much so that he cannot return an urgent email, that I need to go into work to let our computer tech person in to fix some damage the power outage in these parts did.  Um no.  I am not busing an hour each way to let him in, he can come tomorrow, we are all closed remember.  Well thankfully CW was willing to sacrifice her day off to do it... How soon is it before I'm free from this job?

On top of that annoyance I get an email from the PU I don't talk to often.  Yes she birthed me, but she's also birthed a lot of other crazy since then.  She's all bent out of shape I didn't invite her to my convocation.  She went on FB and decided in her head it was this big freaking party that she got left out on.  Yes I marched across the stage in my glorious pursuit of more debt - but it was only Ms. J and my other PU present. We took some pics and Ms. J and I  bused back to our hood went for food at our local diner.  I had worked that morning, and in the end the whole thing was more about doing it, to say that after 10 years I was really and truly done - it wasn't about her.  Why the hell does it have to be about her?  I know you're going to say I should have invited her.  What for?  So she can drive 2 hours to see me on a stage for 5 seconds? or so I can uninvite my other PU who lives 5 minutes away?  No way am I putting those two next to each other if I have a choice.  I know my wedding whenever that is will be hell enough with those two going at each other about who was less horrible a PU... I know that I'm being a b*tch.  But some days I just feel like when did these two think that they are entitled to my adult life when they sure didn't think they should be involved anytime before I turned 20?  You missed your chance.