Wrestling

Let's just say the whole pain in the side business has found it's permanent place in my blessed mouth, and no amount of wishing seems to get it gone. So again I'm learning you don't get what you wish, pray, hope and beg for, awesome no Louboutins for me in this lifetime I guess. But you do get more surprising brain activity than you could ever expect. I've been thinking, a disastrous idea, thankfully I've been sober, or not thankfully, on that thought, could someone pass me a Cosmo?

I've been trying to figure out the future, yes because I know that is firmly within my ability to do so. I've been trying to figure out how to find the balance where I've never seen the necessity to do so before. With BI, I stepped away, and he quickly moved on, and who knows maybe AB will do the same, maybe some day next week, the week after, the month after or so on and so forth he'll run head long into someone who makes all the questions and hurts and uncertainties seem not all that big, someone who makes it worth more than the risks. I know that it isn't in any way sane for me to try and be that person in the hopes that things will change, because that would mean I've denied all the months of beautifully painful self discovery and so on and so forth and yadda yadda. So then how exactly does it work? We remain friends who support each other, spend time with each other within reason and yet in everything find a way to make sure that either individual is available to the dating public, when the kind of scary thing is I'm totally up for a break from all this insanity and AB is apparently not looking... I'll leave that hanging there.

On another note BB (Barista Boy) has thankfully been sated, and I don't have to worry about dealing with all that right now. To be honest, I've found myself groaning as I mumble, they're not AB, for the love of Pete, they aren't AB, and what the hell has happened to me. Goodness maybe I'm up for those drinks Ms. J after I spend a day visiting my favorite uncle... or maybe before so I can help the freezing that I am completely immune to...