Friday, July 26, 2013


So we're going on a little hiatus.

Before you start worrying that I got engaged, fear not. I am still as single and picky as ever. I am now however blogging over at

It is where I primarily plan on directing my attention (and my intentions - oh evang speak how you make my skin crawl). I will be periodically stopping over here to vent or what not.
On the topic of venting. While I am miles away from dating anyone I have been conversing regularly with a lovely man who checks off the majority of my requirements, so much so that if we'd been talking about me 5 years ago (before counselling) I would be declaring my intentions. Yes I know that is crazy, thus the therapy. However all that being said there is a major hurdle I do not honestly think I am prepared to deal with and that makes me feel like a horrible, shallow person. He's a fairly high up quad. I am not ruling him out, granted we have not met in person I don't even know if we have anything other than friend chemistry. So as it stands a nice guy with a lot of questions. Why couldn't this whole process be a lot easier?

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

So It Repeats AGAIN...

I am becoming daily all the more tempted to write the following letter to these men who are looking for this mystery feminine woman.

Dear EH Man,

I am wondering about your profile, it seems that you and most Christian men seem to be looking for a "feminine woman" to make you feel like a man. Would you mind explaining this to me? The reason I'm confused is as a woman I have never felt the need to turn any man or woman to make me feel like a woman, as well I am biologically so. Are you then looking for a woman who is prepared to inflate your own understanding of socially constructed gender identity by being a submissive, never questioning woman who functions as your other half, without herself being a whole independent person, with her own voice.




Sunday, July 14, 2013

EH Update 1

Excited?! You better be because this is going to be good, like rubbernecking a train wreck in which no one is hurt and rainbows magically appear kind of good, but minus the rainbows.

So... after much deliberation I loosened my faith requirements, I am going to figure that someone sitting on the outgoing edge of their faith is likely going to veer away from my profile, rather than thinking to themselves, yay let's spend time with the religious girl doing training to be a pastor because I totally know she'll be a great hook up... Dude if for some cockamamie reason you have that idea, please back away from all moving objects, sit down, maybe even lay down and if necessary give your head a shake.

So why? Well the hope is I might be able to find those for whom their faith is important but they know if they say it's important they are going to end up with the faith fanatics. Here is to hoping.

The highlight of my weekend was yesterday's match with an American man (EH is already looking outside the country - that's positive) who is in law enforcement (no dice) AND a self described libertarian, the remainder of the profile made it clear that this young man (also younger, no dice) was looking for her and you know what? Blessings on you too, I'm sure you'll be happy with your coolers and rifles looking at Russia from your mother-in-law's deck and shooting anything that moves.

As for today we're back to me trying to decode Christianese gender role speak that is so bloody foreign to me and all I know that I think I'm kind of up NLLL creek.

"a lady who can be a woman to whom I can be a man to, a wife to be my 'wife' to whom I can be a husband to, someone to take care of and who will take care of me"

Let's break this down shall we and I am going to ignore "wife" as I'm a little too troubled by the quotations there. Okay, so it seems these men have missed the gender is a construct boat by more than a passing glance at the dock. A woman is a woman, not because she wears a full skirt or likes the colour pink. Now it seems he might know this but as Usher has informed us (and that's scientific no?) a lady is really just a woman who looks chaste and quite frankly unless we subscribe to rape culture's belief that how you dress depicts your sexual preferences, every woman is chaste. Hmpf, we're a little lost aren't we? But what I think you're saying is you want in the immortal words of many misogynist men before you that it is about how they look. It doesn't matter if they're a person or that "lady-ness" is a construct, you want that whole construct, you want your little Charlotte and somehow if she has a tone of any self assurance to her, she's emasculating you.

And honestly that is what bothers me more - any person that lets another person take something from them needs to look at themselves (and no I am not talking about rape - I am not blame any victims if that is where your head went, but rather as adult's we should feel free and assured to hold our ground on who we see ourselves as and if we are prepared to throw all that out the window for someone that is when we need to start looking at ourselves and our reasons for selling who we are so very, very short). I am not out to take any man's manhood, I'm not interested in emasculating anyone or making anyone feel small - but my question are they interested in claiming who they are - soft, caring stay at home man or aggressive take no prisoner man - you know what they can both be self possessed men that I could love, any woman for that matter could love.

So that's where we are at and I'm *thisclose* to messaging each of these men and asking what they actually want and if they lost their brain up someone's behind. I realize that's not a classy thing to say and I wouldn't actually say that, who knows I might just GIF my feelings:

Yep that about sums it up. And on that note *chin up* and onward

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Okay, so you may want to sit down

I joined eHarmony, not just the free communication weekend during a time when my roommate has paid so I can see the guys we are mutually matched with, the real deal, put my money where my picky heart is


It is a bigger disaster than I could have imagined.

Seriously I thought Christian Mingle was a disaster but this is a disaster on a whole other level. Yes on CM I couldn't fend of the crazy men who in their 60's were messaging me or the vastly under-educated,*  but now I have EH people telling me that my most awesome match is a Christian douche bag who is looking for a Stepford wife with a secret penchant for kinky sex.** Sure I check every morning and every morning I am relieved that I have chosen to look at my matches on an empty stomach given my often violent recoil.

For example EH recommend you list your Top 5 things you cannot live without (AND BE CREATIVE - ie. don't say water, air etc), so if we remember back to January I found that everyone I was matched with placed their iphone, job and computer in their top 5 and now I've whip-lashed to this:
Jesus Christ & The Bible
Serving The Lord (Spreading the Gospel)
Fellowship with Christians

This particular man also puts the Bible as the best recent book he's read. You know what dude, that's swell, but I wouldn't put it in the fiction books you've read for one and two seriously? You and I are not going to go over well when I drag you into every bookstore imaginable. (So this is where X is going to be litmus test for these men - he found bookstores and stood and waited patiently while I might have moaned suggestively or did this at all the amazing random titles and first editions).

You know what I am picky, but dammit I am going to be hitched to this person for the rest of my life and I am hoping that life has some serious longevity. I'm not a proselytizing stepford wife or a Barbie doll and I cannot imagine how they could think it exists. A woman at 30+, unless she has been living with her parents has an education (academic or life or both) she's had to figure out her NLLL, she's had to pay some kind of bills (cue: Destiny's Child or Mr Neyo), if she's sane enough for marriage she has not been sitting on her laurels, behind or even standing still for that matter, she's been travelling, making friends, figuring out what she likes and doesn't like and for the record other EH dude, sushi is AMAZE-BALLS (and gluten free) so step off.

So this is the beginning of the EH rants - I hope to keep them down to once a week and not veer them too far into the world of crazy evangelical Christianity because you and I don't want to have a glossary with this all.

* I have absolutely no issue with dating or marrying a man without a formal education granted that he is still intelligent. I cannot imagine spending my life with someone who has no desire to read, or understand current events (or even know the difference between Egypt and Iran) or able to engage with me on any level other than "hey baby *grunt*...

**Who knows maybe I might be down the kinky HOWEVER, only when it is a mutual decision and not out of some perverse belief my husband has that "x" is his right (at work so I cannot link the very NSFW info from Mark Driscoll's marriage book, but feel free to Google that if you have eye ball bleach on hand)

Tuesday, July 09, 2013


So I am beginning to see why my roommate had such a struggle with eHarmony. Yes the first day I did manage to get a few matches - one of whom I would consider a date with - beyond that it seems from my matches that I seriously over corrected from the narcissists that I found in January to the current situation of men who seem determined to evangelize me in their profiles.. sweet baby jebus. I find myself recoiling often at the content of the profiles, and not as usual the spelling mistakes and there are "alot". I am signing up for the shortest, basic option, so there will be time, this isn't a race to any finish line, it is however rather frustrating. I find myself once again realizing that as Ms. J put it "I'm really interested to see who it is that reels you in so to speak... you are a feisty filly (woah mixed metaphors, batman)." I get that, mixed metaphors and all and I'm not even touching on my previous live experiences or that many of these sweet men, well into their 30's many not take kindly at my life choices etc. - not that I care. I constantly feel trapped between those with more conservative or traditional faith perspectives  and the liberal, almost or both feet out the faith door perspectives (which are legitimate, I'm not saying they are wrong).

Pausing for a second, consider this: one of today's matches indicated on his profile he has turned to Henry Cloud's book on dating - so I googled it (hey if you're going to indicate you're turning to self help books at 45 for dating let's see what it is), and it wasn't horrible (total shocker), not that I plan on purchasing it or listening more than the 5 minutes I did on Youtube - he basically argued that your life choices determine the people who you are most likely to meet an those you will be compatible with and in dating you need to be picking from those people because dates, in theory, can lead to marriage.

So, by "picking" or being "called" (both words I take issue with) to my future profession, I have eliminate a huge swath of men, a huge swath that would be eliminated for a whole host of other reasons to be clear. And then from there the next and probably largest swath (per eHarmony representation) is the suburb, nice car and lots of travel contingent. All are nice things - but this is where X and had some pretty lengthy discussions and I realized that I could settle for these things but I didn't want to - and dragging someone into a life in an inner city area or one of simplicity (also close to a hospital or in or in conjunction with a hospice) is not how a marriage works, not in my books at least. Then add to that my opinions about birth control and women's right choices and there are little to none standing.

So there we go - so far I'm too quirky (too liberal for the conservatives and too conservative for the agnostics) and that's just fine with me - being picky isn't a problem.

Saturday, July 06, 2013

I Need Help

I signed up for EHarmony again.... *sigh*