An Update

I made mention that I was going to see how BB was doing these days. A little back story so you don't have to read the last post, though you can... In the beginning of our interaction, he seemed sweet, attentive and well normal (you can see where this is going). He disappeared from Sbucks quite suddenly and then low and behold reappeared on Saturday morning as I stumbled in rather scantily clad in my opinion in a sweaty tank and running skirt (which is easily 3 inches shorter than I would ever dare to wear a skirt under normal circumstances). The same day he slipped his number under my bagel and I went home thinking weee, I have a date with a guy who might be less commitment phobic than AB (and that nothing would be "wrong" with him). So being that I hate the phone, I texted him to set up a date*, and was greeted with a seemingly unending sequence of lovely dovey texts. Red flag - big massive red flag, like size of China red flag. But being that I felt like making AB jealous and being the never quit kind of girl I thought I would give him a chance. I picked him up from work that Saturday afternoon - at which time I will confess it was the last place on earth I wanted to be given that I had run 10miles that morning. But I went. And it went downhill fast. In the first 5 minutes in the car I wanted to inflict pain to myself. In the following 15 minutes I wanted to inflict pain on him. Why? He gave me more personal history in those 20minutes than I gave to my therapist in the first year of therapy after CEF and it was the REAL SKELETONS, not the ones in your high school biology class. I smiled my way through lunch knowing that as my therapist says, "Fake 'til You Make It" could get me through. Fake I am enjoying it, fake that he doesn't scare me in that ewww I know WAY TOO much about you kind of way... So the issue then was this...

He gave me free Sbucks every morning... now I am in many ways a practical girl, at nearly 5 dollars a pop - that is 25/week I could smile, flirt, do whatever in platonic terms it took to get my Grande Soy Earl Grey Tea latte. Or so I thought. See the problem was he was like a 14 year old girl in love and I the unsuspecting 19 year old guy. The bigger problem was the back hugs. Back hugs are not mutual. If you hug me from behind, I am not participating, simple as that. I would cringe and normally facing the barista behind the bar, they would see the pained look on my face that I never tried to hide. I stopped going. There is no way on God's green Earth that I am that desperate.

He texted on New Years - a really really cringe worthy text. So... this week when I got desperate enough for tea and short enough on change that I really really wanted a freebie, I was shocked when I got the cold shoulder. No note on my cup, no back hug, no hi, no nothing, not even a free latte. So this would be where Ms. J would stop laughing and say this is a good thing. I am sure it is but I want a free latte. So I guess in the end I need to whore myself out to someone else, boo.

Now just in case you are wondering - I have done it before, and I will do it again - Sbucks owes me as I have single handily put at least one barista through university if not two.

Continuing on my love of SYTYCD - and someone else other than BB, take note of Ms. Stone's request and get on it.

Wrestling

Let's just say the whole pain in the side business has found it's permanent place in my blessed mouth, and no amount of wishing seems to get it gone. So again I'm learning you don't get what you wish, pray, hope and beg for, awesome no Louboutins for me in this lifetime I guess. But you do get more surprising brain activity than you could ever expect. I've been thinking, a disastrous idea, thankfully I've been sober, or not thankfully, on that thought, could someone pass me a Cosmo?

I've been trying to figure out the future, yes because I know that is firmly within my ability to do so. I've been trying to figure out how to find the balance where I've never seen the necessity to do so before. With BI, I stepped away, and he quickly moved on, and who knows maybe AB will do the same, maybe some day next week, the week after, the month after or so on and so forth he'll run head long into someone who makes all the questions and hurts and uncertainties seem not all that big, someone who makes it worth more than the risks. I know that it isn't in any way sane for me to try and be that person in the hopes that things will change, because that would mean I've denied all the months of beautifully painful self discovery and so on and so forth and yadda yadda. So then how exactly does it work? We remain friends who support each other, spend time with each other within reason and yet in everything find a way to make sure that either individual is available to the dating public, when the kind of scary thing is I'm totally up for a break from all this insanity and AB is apparently not looking... I'll leave that hanging there.

On another note BB (Barista Boy) has thankfully been sated, and I don't have to worry about dealing with all that right now. To be honest, I've found myself groaning as I mumble, they're not AB, for the love of Pete, they aren't AB, and what the hell has happened to me. Goodness maybe I'm up for those drinks Ms. J after I spend a day visiting my favorite uncle... or maybe before so I can help the freezing that I am completely immune to...

In case you were wondering

Aussie roommate always seems to look at me like I'm just well foreign when I leave the house all dolled up for the 2 second jaunt to Sbucks. The reason? You never know who is going to snag you and talk you up for like 30 minutes. So was the case when baby but oh so cute barista boy decided it was time to be social and well do what social people do, talk. I doubt he was flirting given that that act would make me like a premature cougar, a cougarling, but I'm okay with learning that skill. In the end it was just what I think I needed, a constant reminder that every conversation with a potentional or not is a warm up, it's a lesson, a moment to learn a new skill, a new way to get into and or out of a conversation... so while baby barista will be off into the land of travelling unknowns, who knows... for the few days he's still there I'm going to get all the free coffee I can out of it.

So yes this also relates to trips to the grocery store, the library and the local Vetern's hall, look smart, stay sharp and you just may snag you a honey, or at least a free bevy.

What a Flirt!

I need to make a confession, I partake in flirting for the purposes of free caffeine. Look there is a recession, a trip to NYC and life essentials like my Crackberry to pay for, why pay for my double tall vanilla soy latte if I don't have to? See the issue is when you flirt for coffee it's kind of shameless and vulnerable, I mean do you think straight before you have your coffee? All that being said, when I stopped into my local store, I came face to face with my biggest flirting companion, and a date. Yep I got asked on a coffee date (the way to this caffeinated girl's heart), and I walked out of the store wondering if I managed to get myself in too deep. What happens if it doesn't work out, do I get my free coffee from one of the other boys or do I have to as I did before, leave the store for a period of time until they all move on to other locations. and then the cycle begins again?

Ack! A real date, apparently someone just threw me onto that elusive horse I was happy just flirting with. If this is where flirting gets you, I'm not so sure... right? Who really wants a date? Me? Even if it's just so I can justify purchasing this t-shirt