I don't normally talk about anything political, I normally keep things to my self as an act of respect. But I must be honest, I struggle with Remembrance Day. I understand that there are many passionately for it - I understand that in many ways and yet in many others I do not. I am the child of two parents who saw the effect of war as children, as the enemy, we praise men for killing, on behalf of our freedom. We think it is simple. We think that wearing a red poppy is a simple act. It's not. For me it's an act that says we do not understand. We do not understand the depth of pain that a bullet has regardless of whose gun it is shot from. War is not simple. It is not about sides, it is terrorism on all sides - removing humanity in those who claim to do it for freedom and those they oppose.
I am not saying you should not wear a poppy, but remember those men, like my Opa, who was the enemy, and his children - my mother and her siblings who while in Canada witnessed hate and retribution on the playgrounds and classrooms to the grocery stores. They are my heritage and they are the reason my parents raised us as pacifists. My family is the reason I wear a white poppy on Remembrance Day, no blood should be shed in the war games the politicians play.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
New Song
I love this song! I love Sara in general and am so cheesed that I missed her in concert - I had tickets but couldn't go for some reason I cannot remember...
Friday, October 28, 2011
Grad School Diet
X was so proud to tell me that the Paeds Resident diet has been working for him. It might be - it's making the concerned ex-gf in me panic every time I hear about how long he has gone without eating. But apparently graduate students have their own diet... involving the following:
1. No Alcohol-if you're an unemployment graduate student you may dream about vodka like your on a deserted island without any fresh water, but no dice. Actually I do have a little residual stock in Ms. J's freezer which I'm keeping there for the sake of rationing. As an aside I don't have time to be drunk or hung over these days so thus only the dreaming of the booze.
2. Budget meals - now I am getting retty savy with the keeping things cheap business but the best meal is a grande Americano misto snuck into the library about 10 - it will keep you going until 6 when the library closes and you're too damn tired to eat when you get home, so you go to sleep. Ta-da it's a version of the residency diet. You offset your malnutrition with a handful of vitamins and toast in the morning.
3. Fried food - when you do get to eat all you want is to stuff enough comfort carbohydrates down your yap that you will stop dreaming of them (thanks JS for helping me with this last night).
Yep so X might be right - I may just be on track to really shed those Undergraduate pounds while I pack on the debt... as long as the debt isn't on my ass I'm fine with the exchange.
In case you are a graduate student to be - it's not all that bad, actually if you can have gluten and egg whites and all sorts of other things you'll be just fine - the place is swimming with free food, all sorts of free food that would give me an expensive trip to the hospital down the street.
1. No Alcohol-if you're an unemployment graduate student you may dream about vodka like your on a deserted island without any fresh water, but no dice. Actually I do have a little residual stock in Ms. J's freezer which I'm keeping there for the sake of rationing. As an aside I don't have time to be drunk or hung over these days so thus only the dreaming of the booze.
2. Budget meals - now I am getting retty savy with the keeping things cheap business but the best meal is a grande Americano misto snuck into the library about 10 - it will keep you going until 6 when the library closes and you're too damn tired to eat when you get home, so you go to sleep. Ta-da it's a version of the residency diet. You offset your malnutrition with a handful of vitamins and toast in the morning.
3. Fried food - when you do get to eat all you want is to stuff enough comfort carbohydrates down your yap that you will stop dreaming of them (thanks JS for helping me with this last night).
Yep so X might be right - I may just be on track to really shed those Undergraduate pounds while I pack on the debt... as long as the debt isn't on my ass I'm fine with the exchange.
In case you are a graduate student to be - it's not all that bad, actually if you can have gluten and egg whites and all sorts of other things you'll be just fine - the place is swimming with free food, all sorts of free food that would give me an expensive trip to the hospital down the street.
Thursday, October 06, 2011
Thanks Ovaries!
According to "reliable sources"(Cosmo et al), you are your most subliminal-y hottest when you're ovulating. Now, I can seriously say I do not normally agree with anything in Cosmo - it is after all a magazine that survives solely on republishing the same drivel month after after in new forms - all of it preying on our internal Madonna/Whore dichotomy.
Nevertheless - back to my ovaries - apparently they are working right now. I had some nice eye contact with a handsome man in the Starbucks line - totally a moment.* The one that impressed me more though was as I was on the packed express bus dripping with sweat (our driver dressed in shorts was determined to offset the cold outside - dude it's time for pants). But of course I had my purse, laptop, e-book reader and a cup of coffee all more or less balanced on my lap. It doesn't really leave room for the removal of one's jacket. I did manage to get one arm out but I couldn't seem to navigate the second one. That is until this extra hand appeared removing my coat. Manners! In a young man nonetheless! He said, "It looked like you needed help, didn't want you to spill your coffee." Seriously I could have hugged him - I felt like my thank-you was not enough to convey how refreshing it was to have someone be kind, especially someone of his age and gender.
But back to the at moment.* The reason I give credit to my ovaries and not my personal awesomeness is well I am a graduate student - and we for the most part do not always look awesome. I know you can say who am I to generalize. True. Very true. But compared to the corporate world - the ladies in the Starbucks line in pencil skirts, lots of leg and heels (gorgeous heels), who am I? His attention actually made me acutely aware that I feel naked now that I'm not in the corporate world. I miss my corporate clothes. I miss the security that came with those high heels and skirts. Now I'm just the very adult woman trying to figure out the world of skinny jeans and flats. All that being said, as much as that moment in Starbucks made me uncomfortable, maybe it's an indicator that I'm doing okay in this new world, at least aesthetically speaking - as for grade wise - well that remains to be seen.
Nevertheless - back to my ovaries - apparently they are working right now. I had some nice eye contact with a handsome man in the Starbucks line - totally a moment.* The one that impressed me more though was as I was on the packed express bus dripping with sweat (our driver dressed in shorts was determined to offset the cold outside - dude it's time for pants). But of course I had my purse, laptop, e-book reader and a cup of coffee all more or less balanced on my lap. It doesn't really leave room for the removal of one's jacket. I did manage to get one arm out but I couldn't seem to navigate the second one. That is until this extra hand appeared removing my coat. Manners! In a young man nonetheless! He said, "It looked like you needed help, didn't want you to spill your coffee." Seriously I could have hugged him - I felt like my thank-you was not enough to convey how refreshing it was to have someone be kind, especially someone of his age and gender.
But back to the at moment.* The reason I give credit to my ovaries and not my personal awesomeness is well I am a graduate student - and we for the most part do not always look awesome. I know you can say who am I to generalize. True. Very true. But compared to the corporate world - the ladies in the Starbucks line in pencil skirts, lots of leg and heels (gorgeous heels), who am I? His attention actually made me acutely aware that I feel naked now that I'm not in the corporate world. I miss my corporate clothes. I miss the security that came with those high heels and skirts. Now I'm just the very adult woman trying to figure out the world of skinny jeans and flats. All that being said, as much as that moment in Starbucks made me uncomfortable, maybe it's an indicator that I'm doing okay in this new world, at least aesthetically speaking - as for grade wise - well that remains to be seen.
Monday, October 03, 2011
Falling for You
All over again - what is it that makes us go back, and back again and back again. It's the question I keep asking myself when I look around at the men in my new peer group. I have this reoccurring thought, y'all are not X, so why bother. Sure this really is not tragic - it is not like I have time to even consider dating. But the question is then why are X and I just not together. Well that's a simple yet complicated answer. I think the bigger question is when do we give ourselves the freedom to move forward when we weren't the one already moving out of the relationship?
I had no problem with CEF or really any other the other guys in my life I had to deal with - I was able to in one way or another rationalize the process - shut the heart down and move on. Even when I cared and still care for the individual like BI - I was still able to know that we would be friends and that was all - and furthermore that that was okay - that was the best thing for both of us. I know both of us, BI and I can say that with no doubts - we were and are better as just friends.
So what happens - how do you shut down your heart when you do not know how to. I know how to get angry - that's how I dysfunctionally dealt with AB - get mad and burned over a long enough period of time and you eventually get closure - to burn, cut, chafe every thing that bound you two together until you get freedom. With X I do not want that - I do not want to go down a road of systematically removing him from my life by any means possible. I still love him - and there is no good reason I have found not to.
Friends have told me that maybe I'll just keep loving him until things work out. The thing is - I don't think that is right. Maybe I am wrong.
I had no problem with CEF or really any other the other guys in my life I had to deal with - I was able to in one way or another rationalize the process - shut the heart down and move on. Even when I cared and still care for the individual like BI - I was still able to know that we would be friends and that was all - and furthermore that that was okay - that was the best thing for both of us. I know both of us, BI and I can say that with no doubts - we were and are better as just friends.
So what happens - how do you shut down your heart when you do not know how to. I know how to get angry - that's how I dysfunctionally dealt with AB - get mad and burned over a long enough period of time and you eventually get closure - to burn, cut, chafe every thing that bound you two together until you get freedom. With X I do not want that - I do not want to go down a road of systematically removing him from my life by any means possible. I still love him - and there is no good reason I have found not to.
Friends have told me that maybe I'll just keep loving him until things work out. The thing is - I don't think that is right. Maybe I am wrong.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Dear Children (aka Undergraduates)
Okay, little children I am aware that there really is only about a decade difference in age - but somehow in the last decade I've learned some information you've yet to learn, so let me pass it on to you.
Clothes are a wonderful thing. Yes I am aware American Apparel has spent the better part of your teen years convincing you that you can really walk around in public like you do. See the thing is they are selling soft core porn with the benefit of airbrushing. You, however, live in a northern country not a magazine advertisement. So could you please consider for the sake of humanity and yourself consider that the following are not wise choices.
No nipples: I do not need to see yours - I am not talking about what can happen when we're cold - no I mean like I do not need to see the size and color of your nipples. So this unfortunately means you need to consider a bra. Yes I know being liberal and educated means no bra in your mind. Maybe in the 70's this was the correct assumption - this however is no longer a correlated relationship.
This goes for the men too - good gracious and in hopes of all things holy you should never ever EVER wear a chiffon black button up shirt. And this definitely should not be paired with an epically shoulder padded blazer.
No Hooker Socks: These are hooker socks. I am aware that Toddlers and Tiaras thinks that bringing Pretty Woman back is a good idea. I don't think so. Why? Because it seems to let you think in the middle of a freezing cold day that you can wear hot pants and hooker socks and that they somehow equal pants. They don't. Just put them and the hot pants away for so many reasons I need not explain.
No Tights as Pants: Tights are NOT pants. I know there is a delusion that they are - you want to know why they are not. They stretch. That means when you bent over in the bus this morning we saw the pattern on your knickers. For reals. Also, they get into places no pants would ever enter - to clarify in case you cannot figure this one out. For the sake of your lady bits do not wear tights - that area is designed to be free of fabric. No one, not even your partner or your gyne needs to see your camel toe. There, you happy, I said it.
No Summer Clothes: I know we get a very short summer and we all think that if we just ignore the rain and the wind that it will be fine. But seriously I don't want to see your blue toes in muddy flip flops or you squeezed into a romper that would have been questionable on you in your adolescence.
Y'all sweet children are in university now which does not mean that it is time to leave your brain at home and whore yourselves out. Yes I know you will have classmates who believe that whoring is the way to a good or at least an easy grade. I hope you also know that universities are worse than high schools for gossip because the professors and TA's do not have to worry about any legal issues in talking about you. You are no longer a minor. That means when you have your ass hanging out in that chemistry lab in an attempt to shag a TA someone will find out, or a whole lot of someones.
Clothes are a wonderful thing. Yes I am aware American Apparel has spent the better part of your teen years convincing you that you can really walk around in public like you do. See the thing is they are selling soft core porn with the benefit of airbrushing. You, however, live in a northern country not a magazine advertisement. So could you please consider for the sake of humanity and yourself consider that the following are not wise choices.
No nipples: I do not need to see yours - I am not talking about what can happen when we're cold - no I mean like I do not need to see the size and color of your nipples. So this unfortunately means you need to consider a bra. Yes I know being liberal and educated means no bra in your mind. Maybe in the 70's this was the correct assumption - this however is no longer a correlated relationship.
This goes for the men too - good gracious and in hopes of all things holy you should never ever EVER wear a chiffon black button up shirt. And this definitely should not be paired with an epically shoulder padded blazer.
No Hooker Socks: These are hooker socks. I am aware that Toddlers and Tiaras thinks that bringing Pretty Woman back is a good idea. I don't think so. Why? Because it seems to let you think in the middle of a freezing cold day that you can wear hot pants and hooker socks and that they somehow equal pants. They don't. Just put them and the hot pants away for so many reasons I need not explain.
No Tights as Pants: Tights are NOT pants. I know there is a delusion that they are - you want to know why they are not. They stretch. That means when you bent over in the bus this morning we saw the pattern on your knickers. For reals. Also, they get into places no pants would ever enter - to clarify in case you cannot figure this one out. For the sake of your lady bits do not wear tights - that area is designed to be free of fabric. No one, not even your partner or your gyne needs to see your camel toe. There, you happy, I said it.
No Summer Clothes: I know we get a very short summer and we all think that if we just ignore the rain and the wind that it will be fine. But seriously I don't want to see your blue toes in muddy flip flops or you squeezed into a romper that would have been questionable on you in your adolescence.
Y'all sweet children are in university now which does not mean that it is time to leave your brain at home and whore yourselves out. Yes I know you will have classmates who believe that whoring is the way to a good or at least an easy grade. I hope you also know that universities are worse than high schools for gossip because the professors and TA's do not have to worry about any legal issues in talking about you. You are no longer a minor. That means when you have your ass hanging out in that chemistry lab in an attempt to shag a TA someone will find out, or a whole lot of someones.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Another One Bites the Dust
OM got married this weekend. I'm not going to dwell on my feelings of creepiness at the whole affair and rather just say I'm thankful I didn't once again lose my head and that have been me and more likely, have been invited to the wedding. I think it's only appropriate that all women who might have dated the groom, or even been awkwardly hugged by him in his unfortunate mom jeans should not be invited to his nuptials.
I cannot say I wasn't a little stung at being still single - don't we all want to get down the isle before someone who snubbed us - especially when there was no damn good reason to be snubbed other than well... I digress, no discussion of creepiness.
I have found myself trying to accept the men around me as fine if they are messy. I know that sounds weird and let it not be construed as I am caving in desperation. There is no caving and there is no desperation. I am just realizing though some may definitely be certifiable, that I need to just deal with their presence in my classes or social circles. Now that being said, let no single man get any ideas that I have any more pity dates to hand out - BV used my life long allotment. And really even if for some reason I wanted to do say get out for a evening I would much much rather a night with JS or Ms. J or hell any other woman in my life right now - plus it's almost hockey season - I get all the men I want that way - at a distance, hot and sweaty, playing my favorite sport!
Now for an unrelated song recommendation from X - all about my FAVORITE thing in this world:
I cannot say I wasn't a little stung at being still single - don't we all want to get down the isle before someone who snubbed us - especially when there was no damn good reason to be snubbed other than well... I digress, no discussion of creepiness.
I have found myself trying to accept the men around me as fine if they are messy. I know that sounds weird and let it not be construed as I am caving in desperation. There is no caving and there is no desperation. I am just realizing though some may definitely be certifiable, that I need to just deal with their presence in my classes or social circles. Now that being said, let no single man get any ideas that I have any more pity dates to hand out - BV used my life long allotment. And really even if for some reason I wanted to do say get out for a evening I would much much rather a night with JS or Ms. J or hell any other woman in my life right now - plus it's almost hockey season - I get all the men I want that way - at a distance, hot and sweaty, playing my favorite sport!
Now for an unrelated song recommendation from X - all about my FAVORITE thing in this world:
Thursday, September 15, 2011
One Week Down...
*DEEP CLEANSING BREATH*
This week had left me last night in the fetal positioning, crying. Well they did warn us it would be difficult and I as usual committed a personal crime by under estimating the initial energy output and not preparing regardless. I had a huge list of little and big things to do this week - like buying a printer and hauling it home on the one day this week I decided to wear heels. I thankfully managed to get it set up with very little stress. However, this purchase brought into focus the fact that my student loan had yet to come through. So that got me thinking - when should it come in? So I Googled and found conflicting answers - all indicating that I should have had my money already - so I started calling - waited 20 minutes with one number to be given another number to call them and then at 8pm I was cut off even though I was on hold. Yes I know that is the end of your business hours but how about you don't take calls after that time rather then dumping those on hold. So I emailed them and found out that it wouldn't have mattered I needed to call Ottawa... geez. I managed after a whole bunch of craziness and multiple calls to get someone in Ottawa - and I am getting my monies - just going to take a while. *SIGH*
But really all that does not compare to the mind busting-ness that graduate school has been thus far. But you know what I can survive that - I however, cannot abide the pretentious asshats that are coming out of the woodwork left and right and well up and down too. Seriously men folk we went over this last week in the protocol discussion, you don't ask asshat like questions. You DO NOT offer a 10 minute personal treatise on a subject and then ask a broad non-direct pseudo question just because you wanted to either hear your own voice in a microphone or two try and sound smart to your professor. Neither are good reasons, trust me. Instead we giggle and roll our eyes and pray that the professor puts you in your place - as most did in the gentlest of ways. I however am not one for coddling fools and this is going to be interesting in time... very interesting.
So this once again reminds me to send a little post card to all the little old ladies who swore up and down I would be married after the first semester if I was single - if that is the case I would have been married before I got here. Why? Because I would have married CEF or the next tool available. Don't get me wrong there are nice, polite guys - they're just either married or too young or too old or that and married...
Off to bed - I need sleep so badly I worry it may have lost me and it will be a night like the others this week.
PS. This is not for X - He is fabulous - but rather for all the crazy dipshits that I'm dealing with these days.
This week had left me last night in the fetal positioning, crying. Well they did warn us it would be difficult and I as usual committed a personal crime by under estimating the initial energy output and not preparing regardless. I had a huge list of little and big things to do this week - like buying a printer and hauling it home on the one day this week I decided to wear heels. I thankfully managed to get it set up with very little stress. However, this purchase brought into focus the fact that my student loan had yet to come through. So that got me thinking - when should it come in? So I Googled and found conflicting answers - all indicating that I should have had my money already - so I started calling - waited 20 minutes with one number to be given another number to call them and then at 8pm I was cut off even though I was on hold. Yes I know that is the end of your business hours but how about you don't take calls after that time rather then dumping those on hold. So I emailed them and found out that it wouldn't have mattered I needed to call Ottawa... geez. I managed after a whole bunch of craziness and multiple calls to get someone in Ottawa - and I am getting my monies - just going to take a while. *SIGH*
But really all that does not compare to the mind busting-ness that graduate school has been thus far. But you know what I can survive that - I however, cannot abide the pretentious asshats that are coming out of the woodwork left and right and well up and down too. Seriously men folk we went over this last week in the protocol discussion, you don't ask asshat like questions. You DO NOT offer a 10 minute personal treatise on a subject and then ask a broad non-direct pseudo question just because you wanted to either hear your own voice in a microphone or two try and sound smart to your professor. Neither are good reasons, trust me. Instead we giggle and roll our eyes and pray that the professor puts you in your place - as most did in the gentlest of ways. I however am not one for coddling fools and this is going to be interesting in time... very interesting.
So this once again reminds me to send a little post card to all the little old ladies who swore up and down I would be married after the first semester if I was single - if that is the case I would have been married before I got here. Why? Because I would have married CEF or the next tool available. Don't get me wrong there are nice, polite guys - they're just either married or too young or too old or that and married...
Off to bed - I need sleep so badly I worry it may have lost me and it will be a night like the others this week.
PS. This is not for X - He is fabulous - but rather for all the crazy dipshits that I'm dealing with these days.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Oh Really?!
I promised Just Sayin' I would get my ass back into the blogging world - so here I am y'all. I start school for reals (thus ending the last time I can use that phrase) tomorrow. But before we get there I would like to address something.
In the months leading up to school I had dozens tell me that school would be equal to a field full of 4 leaf clovers with unicorns frolicking through double rainbows for men. Basically in a world full of almost substandard men that I would find intelligent, suave, intriguing men - X clones but "so much better." I wish I could bring all those people to campus with me. I don't know what they were all sniffing but seriously folks - they're all married and those aren't - well aren't because well natural selection is still in play. Case in point. The second day of orientation at coffee break I found myself next to a second year student taking advantage of the free food. We started to "talk" - I wouldn't call it easy for him, but whatever there were words coming from his mouth.
Dude: What program are you in?
Me: MCS Interdisciplinary
Dude: Oh, so you're in the choose your own program (scoff)
Me: You?
Dude: MDiv (pause) I need to go.
Now I know it is hard to convey his tone. Yes I am in the flakiest of the programs - I am also in one of the most difficult ones since I have to chart my own course - I have to have a vision of what I want to do from the start and start digging it out on my own because no one in the concentration will have the same end result. But really that is not the point - I for some bizarre reason thought that in a school with 50/50 gender representation that the men would be more liberal for lack of a better word. But I guess while there is a world of men looking for their perfect piano playing, long skirt wearing submissive pastor's wife there is a world of men looking for their MDiv counterpart. Yes dear while I'm bouncing children off my hip we're going to discuss the nuances of Ancient Greek translation.
I was seriously taken aback at the reality that I will not be accepted as an equal as X has done. I guess it's a good thing that I still have all my feminist texts at the ready...
PS I miss X - I really miss him.
In the months leading up to school I had dozens tell me that school would be equal to a field full of 4 leaf clovers with unicorns frolicking through double rainbows for men. Basically in a world full of almost substandard men that I would find intelligent, suave, intriguing men - X clones but "so much better." I wish I could bring all those people to campus with me. I don't know what they were all sniffing but seriously folks - they're all married and those aren't - well aren't because well natural selection is still in play. Case in point. The second day of orientation at coffee break I found myself next to a second year student taking advantage of the free food. We started to "talk" - I wouldn't call it easy for him, but whatever there were words coming from his mouth.
Dude: What program are you in?
Me: MCS Interdisciplinary
Dude: Oh, so you're in the choose your own program (scoff)
Me: You?
Dude: MDiv (pause) I need to go.
Now I know it is hard to convey his tone. Yes I am in the flakiest of the programs - I am also in one of the most difficult ones since I have to chart my own course - I have to have a vision of what I want to do from the start and start digging it out on my own because no one in the concentration will have the same end result. But really that is not the point - I for some bizarre reason thought that in a school with 50/50 gender representation that the men would be more liberal for lack of a better word. But I guess while there is a world of men looking for their perfect piano playing, long skirt wearing submissive pastor's wife there is a world of men looking for their MDiv counterpart. Yes dear while I'm bouncing children off my hip we're going to discuss the nuances of Ancient Greek translation.
I was seriously taken aback at the reality that I will not be accepted as an equal as X has done. I guess it's a good thing that I still have all my feminist texts at the ready...
PS I miss X - I really miss him.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
Changes
I started school today, I quit work on Friday and X and I are no longer a couple. And I all I want in all this change is him. He is an amazing, sweet, smart, handsome, talented, funny and gentle yet strong man. A man I am crazy about and I know I will always be to some extent or another - there aren't a lot of great men in this world. He even bought me amazing jewelry I will cherish with no hints whatsoever. So why? Why didn't I jump on the next plane? I cannot bend time and space - we are in different time zones, different countries and different life journeys and we could go on living with 5 minutes of bbm and the occasional Skype date as the glue, but the glue I really need more than anything is knowing in the nights I have anxiety and nigh terrors that I can cling to him and not my cold blackberry. If I could have I would have bent everything imaginable for this man - but maybe for us that just isn't enough.
They are right - I just wish I could have held on longer.
They are right - I just wish I could have held on longer.
Friday, August 05, 2011
One Hot Mess
I realized today that large retro sunglasses were not designed for blocking out sun, no they were designed to hide the quiet tears you have while on the train. Why was I committing a cardinal transit sin - open displays of emotion - X missed his flight to see me. X had is own NLLL day which resulted in that moment - his car dying in the middle of the freaking state - seriously honey one more reason you don't live in the middle of freaking nowhere - but neither is his fault. I am tired from the crying. I know I won't see him for a while - maybe a long while. I feel horrible for him having to fix his car - his vacation being consumed by a belt (one more reason I don't drive - no car maintenance but this isn't the time for that either). So I'm drinking Rose from the bottle, making the pie I was going to make this weekend for Ms J, her beau and X and wondering what cosmically happened today.
Bottom line if you hear really loud sobbing and Lady Antebellum from the East side of town just leave me be - I'll be okay - seriously.
Did I mention I miss him? Did I mention CW thinks that the only way he can make it up to me is with this:
Funny girl - though I might really like that - I would much much rather just be able to wake up next to him tomorrow and every day after that if I had my way.
Bottom line if you hear really loud sobbing and Lady Antebellum from the East side of town just leave me be - I'll be okay - seriously.
Did I mention I miss him? Did I mention CW thinks that the only way he can make it up to me is with this:
Saturday, July 30, 2011
You'd Think We Were Past This
Like I never anticipated that CEF would contact L's husband on FB.
My first reaction was what did he tell him, thinking please Lord I hope he didn't tell him anything of significance. That information made me realize that I cannot seal myself off perfectly - ever. Stupid Google, FB and even Twitter - I cannot guarantee that I won't find myself face to face with a man that would likely make me soil myself or just bolt. Hopefully I just turn and channel Kara Goucher and hope that no one is with me because I'm going to be one seriously hot mess after it all.
I keep hoping that we've put enough time between us - it's going be 3 full years this September. I just wonder - what happens when I get into graduate school elsewhere - away from family - my name will be Google-able - what then? Do I change my name? Do I tell my future school I've got a CEF I don't want showing up at my office hours? Or am I still talking and walking like the same wounded woman I was 3 years ago. I am not sure which is worse to be honest.
Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/fragiletender/5333864895/
Friday, July 29, 2011
Changes
Sorry for my negligence of the blog - more changes - I just signed over all my future hypothetical progeny to the government and bank - yes it is officially really official. So much after giving my future to the government I found myself standing in H&M trying to figure out what the non-business world wears on a regular basis. I didn't think it would be so hard to switch the worker out of my brain - I mean I am counting down the days until I leave my job (SO excited), so should I be excited to give away most of my work clothes and shoes I really don't love and replace them with jeans, cardigans and flats? Apparently it proved too difficult to make that mental transition, the debt pricetag in my head definitely put the breaks on too.
So instead I came home and started purging, cleaning and reorganizing - yes the OCD in me comes out in full force when there is stress to be processed. On that note - I found 3 frames that need insides - I would like to have inspirational quotes in them.
So lovely people enough about my stress - what words inspire you?
So instead I came home and started purging, cleaning and reorganizing - yes the OCD in me comes out in full force when there is stress to be processed. On that note - I found 3 frames that need insides - I would like to have inspirational quotes in them.
So lovely people enough about my stress - what words inspire you?
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Everytime I wear my stilettos I'm reminded of this song
I hope you find the joy you spent your life giving with your art, but never were able to personally know.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Dear Future Employees
Remember your future boss might be (probably is) on Facebook. Just a word of advice, you may love Playboy but we run a family friendly company, so try to avoid the bunny being your profile photo.
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