Dear Children (aka Undergraduates)

Okay, little children I am aware that there really is only about a decade difference in age - but somehow in the last decade I've learned some information you've yet to learn, so let me pass it on to you.

Clothes are a wonderful thing.  Yes I am aware American Apparel has spent the better part of your teen years convincing you that you can really walk around in public like you do.  See the thing is they are selling soft core porn with the benefit of airbrushing.  You, however, live in a northern country not a magazine advertisement.  So could you please consider for the sake of humanity and yourself consider that the following are not wise choices.


No nipples:  I do not need to see yours - I am not talking about what can happen when we're cold - no I mean like I do not need to see the size and color of your nipples.  So this unfortunately means you need to consider a bra.  Yes I know being liberal and educated means no bra in your mind.  Maybe in the 70's this was the correct assumption - this however is no longer a correlated relationship.

This goes for the men too - good gracious and in hopes of all things holy you should never ever EVER wear a chiffon black button up shirt.  And this definitely should not be paired with an epically shoulder padded blazer.

No Hooker Socks:  These are hooker socks. I am aware that Toddlers and Tiaras thinks that bringing Pretty Woman back is a good idea.   I don't think so.  Why?  Because it seems to let you think in the middle of a freezing cold day that you can wear hot pants and hooker socks and that they somehow equal pants.  They don't.  Just put them and the hot pants away for so many reasons I need not explain.

No Tights as Pants:  Tights are NOT pants.  I know there is a delusion that they are - you want to know why they are not.  They stretch.  That means when you bent over in the bus this morning we saw the pattern on your knickers.  For reals.  Also, they get into places no pants would ever enter - to clarify in case you cannot figure this one out.  For the sake of your lady bits do not wear tights - that area is designed to be free of fabric.   No one, not even your partner or your gyne needs to see your camel toe.  There, you happy, I said it.

No Summer Clothes:  I know we get a very short summer and we all think that if we just ignore the rain and the wind that it will be fine.  But seriously I don't want to see your blue toes in muddy flip flops or you squeezed into a romper that would have been questionable on you in your adolescence.

Y'all sweet children are in university now which does not mean that it is time to leave your brain at home and whore yourselves out.  Yes I know you will have classmates who believe that whoring is the way to a good or at least an easy grade.  I hope you also know that universities are worse than high schools for gossip because the professors and TA's do not have to worry about any legal issues in talking about you.  You are no longer a minor.  That means when you have your ass hanging out in that chemistry lab in an attempt to shag a TA someone will find out, or a whole lot of someones.

Sad or Maybe Secretly Happy

AB and I are still FB friends, so when his relationship status change came up, I being an ex, decided to check out who has officially come after me.  Hmmm... she's his ex-roommate for whom he had nothing good to say about to me, apparently her antics and drama where so outrageous /unbearable that he moved out.  The relationship actually does not at all surprise me.  AB has a thing for these kinds of women,  they came before me, so it is no surprise that they or she would come after. The question more for me is - so was I a moment of sanity or insanity for AB?  Was I the 30's something part of his brain, saying time to man up and get a girl who doesn't lie, cheat, starve because she doesn't have a stable job and parties all the time.  Or what I the experiment with on of those "straight-laced" kind, the rebel relationship equivalent for a  hipster?  Whatever I was, I am smirking, because honey your 30's may be the new 20's, in some respects, but it doesn't mean you should keep repeating the same mistakes.  Good luck AB, not sure whether to hope you don't get an STI or hope you knock her up and it straightens you out, or neither.  Let's go with neither and a splash of possible infection.

The Long Weekend Cannot Come Soon Enough

Ms. J and even X to some degree insist that I spend too much time on culinary websites/detours.  I contest that there is a really good reason for my searches - you never know what you can find.  I went searching for a cooked vanilla strawberry jam recipe to make this weekend and found this website. That is an amazing discovery.

But that aside I am looking forward to a chunk of time so that I can plow through Wuthering Heights.  I am half way through and I declared to the world and Twitter, or maybe that is the world, that I would not read another book until I finished Wuthering Heights.  I needed to motivation to just do it, to get invested in it like I did Love in the Time of Cholera. I find that if I am not in a class where I have to read a book, if it doesn't grab me I shelve it.  I have been known to shelve a book multiple times before I read it all the way through.  Fingers crossed I don't shelve it once more.

Even worse then being stuck without good reading material, I realized that I might have to work in September after all.  I do not want to work.  Seriously I do not want to try and balance work and school.  But that being said unless I find a benevolent benefactor or rent out my uterus I am not going to be able to afford school.  Gah.  So the plan at the moment is to consider looking for bursaries etc - I don't know what my chances are but being denied is better then not asking.

On the topic of money and work/life balance - well actually it's not really on that topic at all - my PU has started running! So glad he's got the old man belly going on and that is not good for anyone, especially him.  So because I'm a mean daughter I've convinced him to sign up for his first half marathon.  Bazinga! I managed to bring one person unwittingly over to the dark side.  We're going to be hitting up SoCal in November - so really I don't know how dark side it really will be...whatever - will be updating you on the joy that will be my life trying to get my PU up to the 13.1 miles.

Too much to do, too little time - and don't even get me started on the GRE - oy vay.