You'd Think We Were Past This

L stopped by yesterday afternoon to chat and see her old home.  In our conversation about relationships - the freedom I have with X - he treats me like an adult that can take care of herself - go figure, I am.  Then it came up that CEF was the opposite - he is the opposite of X in every way - which is why I'm still with X and I would like to never hear from CEF again.  Now we've discussed why I blog anonymously, why I am more vague than I really should be, my militancy about secrecy apparently is about as effective as the US/Canada boarder.  It works most of the time, but well there are moments you do not ever anticipate.

Like I never anticipated that CEF would contact L's husband on FB.

My first reaction was what did he tell him, thinking please Lord I hope he didn't tell him anything of significance. That information made me realize that I cannot seal myself off perfectly - ever.  Stupid Google, FB and even Twitter - I cannot guarantee that I won't find myself face to face with a man that would likely make me soil myself or just bolt.  Hopefully I just turn and channel Kara Goucher and hope that no one is with me because I'm going to be one seriously hot mess after it all.

I keep hoping that we've put enough time between us - it's going be 3 full years this September. I just wonder - what happens when I get into graduate school elsewhere - away from family - my name will be Google-able - what then?  Do I change my name?  Do I tell my future school I've got a  CEF I don't want showing up at my office hours?  Or am I still talking and walking like the same wounded woman I was 3 years ago.  I am not sure which is worse to be honest.

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/fragiletender/5333864895/