All over again - what is it that makes us go back, and back again and back again. It's the question I keep asking myself when I look around at the men in my new peer group. I have this reoccurring thought, y'all are not X, so why bother. Sure this really is not tragic - it is not like I have time to even consider dating. But the question is then why are X and I just not together. Well that's a simple yet complicated answer. I think the bigger question is when do we give ourselves the freedom to move forward when we weren't the one already moving out of the relationship?
I had no problem with CEF or really any other the other guys in my life I had to deal with - I was able to in one way or another rationalize the process - shut the heart down and move on. Even when I cared and still care for the individual like BI - I was still able to know that we would be friends and that was all - and furthermore that that was okay - that was the best thing for both of us. I know both of us, BI and I can say that with no doubts - we were and are better as just friends.
So what happens - how do you shut down your heart when you do not know how to. I know how to get angry - that's how I dysfunctionally dealt with AB - get mad and burned over a long enough period of time and you eventually get closure - to burn, cut, chafe every thing that bound you two together until you get freedom. With X I do not want that - I do not want to go down a road of systematically removing him from my life by any means possible. I still love him - and there is no good reason I have found not to.
Friends have told me that maybe I'll just keep loving him until things work out. The thing is - I don't think that is right. Maybe I am wrong.
I never thought I'd be the one saying this. It's usually said to me.
ReplyDeleteYou think too much.
It doesn't have to be complicated. Love him. Think of him daily. You do not have to cut him out of your life. I know it hurts, but you're both on the same novel, though in different chapters. You might both find yourself again on the same chapter.
Moving forward doesn't always have to mean you're leaving somthing behind. You'll take X as a friend along the way. You both may date other people in the mean time. Doesn't mean you love each other any less. It's jsut the reality of the current situation.
When school is almost doen for both of you, I bet a dinner on it (of your choice) that you two will discuss it once again, leaving the current novel behind (not forgotten) and start a new novel together.(in the same town)
Let yourself be upset, don't dwell on it too much, otherwise it might turn into something completely different than what it really is.
You both did not want this. Remember that. Together you made this decision to not continue and be stressed. This is not the end. I guarntee it.
Chin up love xo
Oh..... hugs.
ReplyDelete