Another One Bites the Dust

OM got married this weekend.  I'm not going to dwell on my feelings of creepiness at the whole affair and rather just say I'm thankful I didn't once again lose my head and that have been me and more likely, have been invited to the wedding.  I think it's only appropriate that all women who might have dated the groom, or even been awkwardly hugged by him in his unfortunate mom jeans should not be invited to his nuptials.

I cannot say I wasn't a little stung at being still single - don't we all want to get down the isle before someone who snubbed us - especially when there was no damn good reason to be snubbed other than well... I digress, no discussion of creepiness.

I have found myself trying to accept the men around me as fine if they are messy.  I know that sounds weird and let it not be construed as I am caving in desperation.  There is no caving and there is no desperation.  I am just realizing though some may definitely be certifiable, that I need to just deal with their presence in my classes or social circles.  Now that being said, let no single man get any ideas that I have any more pity dates to hand out - BV used my life long allotment.  And really even if for some reason I wanted to do say get out for a evening I would much much rather a night with JS or Ms. J or hell any other woman in my life right now - plus it's almost hockey season - I get all the men I want that way - at a distance, hot and sweaty, playing my favorite sport!

Now for an unrelated song recommendation from X - all about my FAVORITE thing in this world:

PU's and Dating

My PU, as he's referred to around here, and I have an improving relationship but it's not conventional because I never was a "conventional daughter." I was the take care of my brother, make dinner, do homework, serious child.  I didn't like boys (in my PU's opinion - but I did think boys were cool just so we are straight on that) and boys as far as I believed would never like me.  I never went on a date in high school, kissed a boy (had to wait until 2nd year of university and I really should have waited longer) and I went to grad/prom alone. 

I have no issue with this being my teenage story because the guys I went to school with were my friends - in the end I preferred being their friends and still being their friends, like BI.  Given that arrangement I think my parents got lulled into the perception that their daughter was either asexual or like a Disney Princess who being single her whole like miraculously stumbles upon a man of good moral character and breeding and in 10 to 30 minutes accepts a marriage proposal and it's all said and done.  Yet neither is the case - and they've had their struggles with that.  Some in part was my "fault."

Dr. A (My Mr. Big) was the first man I brought home in any respect - he was 15 years my senior and we weren't formally dating.  My parents didn't quite know what to do with themselves.  Thankfully for them he skipped town with a coworker.*  After that it was CEF who was thrown at them more or less - a hey so I'm getting married, here is my fiance and that's the end of that.  Well that policy was stupid, flawed and in the end caused so much strife that it was the final straw in my parent's marriage - August 08 was fun times all around our home.

So... after months and months of therapy etc - see previous posts for all the therapy reasons - my DrBrain says you need to start dating.  WHAT?!! I don't date.  I do the Disney princess and fall into a perfect relationship.  Apparently that is not how things work.  So I started with OM.  My PU didn't know about OM, and why did he need to - OM was a bust**.  Then came AB and simultaneously BV and then AL, BB.  AB in the end was the only one he ever knew about. ***

So what is the point in this sharing moment.  Well my PU doesn't know how to deal with the knowledge their were others, other than AB AND that there will be more in the future and I have FB and Dr. C to thank for all this.  No Dr. C and I are not or ever have discussed that topic of dating - but the presence of a man has left my dad scratching his head.  I guess to him I'm his little girl and little girls don't talk to boys.

Note:

*I hold no malice to either - they are perfect for each other, though for their reputations/friendships sake they could have done it differently if they had wanted to.

** PU knows now, stupid FB, I had at the long discussion about the Olympics had to spill how OM and I knew each other
*** He has never met AB oddly enough

Photo : http://www.flickr.com/photos/focus_in_mind/2328162855/sizes/m/in/photostream/

A Little Boy Update

I saw (in passing) BV last weekend and it got me started on the flashback (cue the ripple in the screen) and the need for an update

AB: Went to Vegas last weekend, and while I'm praying what happening in Vegas doesn't stay there and he brings something back a little more permanent than a Vegas marriage, who knows.  If he did get hitched I would be interested in meeting her - must be one classy lady

AL: Makes my head hurt, he is so personally conflicted that I don't even bother to deal with all that

BB: Has a plane ticket booked out of here - yes I will officially loose my creepy back hug, but free Americano guy...one more reason to keep up my making coffee at home.

BV: Kind of creeps me out, I have to say he permanently scared me with the side hug, to be honest I think despite the scars he also lost all respect for me to the point I giggle (on the inside) when I see him.

CEF: Let's just say the less I know the happier I am

MW: We keep things as kosher as possible I try to put the kibosh on any type of innuendo, I just can't
stomach going down that road.

NN: For someone who lives in my neighbourhood I never see him, though his FB indicates he's found someone which is great, given he was dumped a week before the alter... it's good to know he kept up hope.

OM: Lordy lordy look who's stuffed himself further in the closet... he's dating a great lady who is about as non-ladylike (by social standards) as they come.  So hell if that makes him happy, GREAT! It just makes me so confused.  I'm not sure if it does solidify my opinion he's a total closet case or maybe at *cough* 40 *cough* he found that he would rather have a woman who wears no makeup, dresses/skirts/feminine-like attire and thinks that an awesome vacation is a week of hiking without a shower.  Maybe I was the straw the broke the whole 50's housewife ideal.  Now I'm no 50's hausfrau, but I really appreciate bathing, liquid black eyeliner, rollers, seamed stockings and skirts.

I digress, I digress.  No new ones to add to the list, and you know what? I'm okay with that because I WILL NOT bow to Mr. Bombastic's attempts to flirt with me, dude I thought about teasing you, but I'm just going to build on my dignity and shut you down now.

The photo?  It's my visual interpretation of what kind of manifestation of the 50's aesthetic I am... and again no it's not me.

Reassurance

Advice from a Single Girl posted that she is currently having a little bump in the I'm fierce, fabulous and free but wouldn't mind being taken road. Honey, that road for me is like an North or Midwest highway after winter. Courtesy of FB I should note that in addition to the bumps there are also ego er car swallowing potholes. OM is now officially dating someone. And while it shouldn't bug me that our resident closet case has found the closest thing to man give or take a few organs it is still frustrating. First is the nagging comparisons, next to this woman I look like a woman who breathes and sh*ts pink, laces and books on etiquette. Why would I even be attractive if you seem to like them flat, rectangular and on board with going days in the woods without bathing... Oh egos you are annoying things.

So yes please join my I'm fabulous, feminine and can cook myself out of any conundrum that could ever occur pity party, because what the hell. I am cough *late twenties* cough and I can only seem to get shit for offers. You are probably saying, but S&P you are over dramatic. Am I?

Exhibit 1. Murder Mystery - my faux love interest couldn't even flirt with me - he's a sweet guy I've known for years - but he couldn't even fake it for the course of an evening - way to make a girl feel like she's completely deficient.

Exhibit 2. Bus on Tuesday with my Saloon Girl costume and large black feather boa. Nice regular asks what's with the boa after sitting and staring at it for most of the 20 minute ride. I responded the get up was for a murder mystery. The response Oh, nice... silence... averted eye contact. Like what did you want to hear buddy? The boa is part of my strip tease act? Or that I randomly walk around with a black boa because I think that's cool, fashionable, not weird. I know I should be more gracious, but I will not offer more grace to a man who when he has the upper hand in the socially awkward department does not take it.

Anyways yes I know I have said that I have no room for a relationship and that is true, but it's still frustrating for me when I see fabulous women around me getting left behind while others who aren't so fabulous in my eyes get caught.

So pity party aside - to all the lovely, smart, talented, break the mold and won't take your baggage kinds of women I offer this:



I know it's no womyn power, hear me roar song, it's my it's going to be okay song...
Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pinetree4com/2723689315/

PS. OM's gf is a nice person don't get me wrong, I wish her loads of luck with the cold fish, my annoyance is at him and her FB glee.

 

I'm a Dork...

I just spent $100 online buying more books for my bloated bookshelf...oh well. So I was thinking that for the sake of clarification we need to run down the "List of the Men of S&P" and do a little update.

AB: Do we really need to update him - He was my first, he is the PeterPan Syndrome poster child.

AL: Habitual cheater and AB's competition in the "It Never Should Happen in Hell, but Maybe on this Earth" games

BB: Once my source for free Vanilla Soy Americano Misto's and a good shudder/cringe

BI: Occasional commenter here, true friend and someone I miss chatting with

BV: Frigid and conversation shy and source of my longest and most depressing date, minus seeing the Hangover together - he cringed and I laughed.

CEF: The reason I have changed most things in my life for the better, like my hair colour

Date: Still the all the forms of possible dates - friend, pseudo or the real thing

DB: Still elusive and I haven't decided how much a chase should go into this case - it would require a serious effort

IT: Still trying to reduce these

MW: Source of unwanted sexting - not going to even provide him with possibly construed as having a subtext conversations - as CW says - a duck is just a duck, and a goose is a goose, and duck duck goose is just a game.

NLLL: Still ever expanding

NN: Also could go by Never Notever... Nice No complaints guy though

OM: Source of many snickers for Ms. J and I from the unfortunate jeans, his closetness etc

So there you go - no options - though CW has proposed a set up with her beau's friend, so we will see what the future holds... for the immediate future this weekend involves vodka, a trip to Sephora and some totally awesome menu planning/Whole Foods shopping.

Call Me Crazy

I am sure you have already. I accept it, I am "down with that" as the young folks say these days, no? But I found this and I have to say as someone who has had to calculate the price of nuptials, especially "budget" ones that still don't look budget or DIY anywhere along the way, this makes me smile.

Smiling is good. Smiling has been limited as of late... so life crisis not averted but talked down to normalish size again courtesy of Ms. J - I have it seems a 3 year plan before I can consider the wonderful world of higher higher education with big lovely price tags that make me want to cry more than the idea that I may never own a pair of Louboutin's - you know future honey out there in the grande wide world - could you take a hint from pop culture and propose with a pair of Louboutin's or Jimmy Choo's or even Manolo's I won't be picky - and you can skip the Legacy setting from Tiffany's... oh no I haven't planned anything I promise *toe twist, bats eyelashes* Seriously I'm at the point where I forsee those coming via my own purchases, and I have no objection to such a situation, but we aren't going down that rabbit hole today...

Or maybe we are - I am making peace with:

1. Not being married
2. Adopting @ 33 - kids are more important to me, shocking I know

3. Debt! For education sake - the kind of debt that falls outside of the "responsible" kind of debt like a car, house etc.
4. That an ultra marathon might take me two years to get to being ready for... 50miles (eek - 26.2 is causing serious fear at the moment)
5.I have grey hair but no worries folks, you won't see it when Ms. J gets through with my tresses - shaving them all off, wigs forever - that way I could look like Marilyn or a 40's starlet every day of my life... or not.

Now before I hear that there are lots of wonderful guys out there - there are I know that, don't think I believe all the good ones are gone. I think the good ones are in hiding for their own safety at the moment and are sending out the closet cases (OM), frigid (BV), and overly affectionate (BB) ones to test us single gals, if we can survive with grace and a little class, then they'll appear magically or not, and hell I get lots to laugh about when I drink with the gals...

So It's Been Quite the Morning

I got my nose scoped - and to borrow AB's comment - Listerine would have been my preference too, but well it wasn't and it wasn't like that either - but my nose hurts now. My heart though, is numbish - like I wish my nose still was... but I guess I don't get what I wish for, or get the reason behind my facial challenge.

In other news more related to the blogging - I have decided to separate myself from AB for about a month - post first run to try and let space and time reform the friendship and remind myself that I can't kiss AB or let him kiss me, because the last time I checked my definition of friends didn't leave room for that kind of activity, especially when AB has his heart and head in one place and his hormones elsewhere. That dynamic as I said to V last night puts me in a place where if he pushes one more button emotionally and he will see the part of my personality few know - I may be an intensely loyal, a bruise easily type of person and that I'm fine with, but I have this part of me that can be unwilling to forgive you if you cross a line, I have a tendency to write you out of my life - I don't want to do that to AB. So I will be spending my monthish running, cleaning and getting used to a new person in my life. I also plan on seeing a new member to the discussion (see the list) for coffee - per AB's suggestion, attending one of OM's torturous parties, and basically making sure I keep my hands off my cell phone - I know I'll be better for it - hopefully AB will be too - I know his phone will be a lot quieter.

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/fizzybenilyn/429476399/

I might just have found AB's theme song

Theme songs are a common thing around here, music can often sum up things better than any words I could string together - CEF and OM had one, BV didn't validate one, but I stumbled across this one in anticipation of a concert last tonight and I feel like maybe it needs to be shared...

Slow down sister cause I just can’t love ya
But I just can’t get you off my mind

I ain’t your fool, I’m not falling
I’m not falling in love with you
I play by my rules
And believe me
You don’t want me too close to you

And even though you look so fine
I’ve been on this broken road one too many times

So slow down sister cause I just can’t love ya
But I just can’t get you off my mind
Oh and Lord knows I need ya
But I just don’t want to
Put this rusted heart upon the line

I’ve heard people say
That I’m crazy
That I’m crazy for avoiding you
But honey I got my freedom
And my reasons
All the reasons for what I do

But that last kiss just did me in
And I don’t wanna look at you as something
More than a friend

Oh slow down sister
I’ve got to make you mine
Oh all I’m asking for is just a little time
A little more time

Things You Discuss When It Doesn't Matter What the Hell They Think

NN and I had some interesting discussions because we both knew that it didn't matter what the other really thought of us, because what the hell really we swapped averted wedding stories, the issues between men and women and why things are so ass backwards these days, where we see ourselves, children or no children and all those lovely things. In the end we found ourselves on the whole what does your list look like? Yes that list - we all have one more or less and his was surprisingly simple and yet it accurately summed things up - love me, love you and love God,* I was surprised, it worked, it encompassed so much accurately, and yet, in the end it was funny. I often have Ms. J's words rolling around in my head, actually everyone's words find themselves rolling through my cranial cavities for whatever duration or frequency of time deemed appropriate. Ms. J recently said what do you have in common with AB, really what do you have in common? So with all that jumbled, all this dating* and non-dating has really only be solidifying what I'm not looking for, but what do I need?

I need someone who understands that despite how flaky it sounds - a 9 to 5 job or whatever variation of that is not the way I can live my life, I have to write -the whole it keeps the ravenous dogs caged business, and holistic is important, I also really am understanding how important it is to be present in your life, in your marriage and in your kids life, doing the whole crazy superwoman shit isn't for me - I know I am totally willing to give my feminist card back for saying that. I don't have a huge need to travel or any of that - I would like to have a relatively similar life to the one I have now, socially conscious, community based, challenging to my apathy and ideally involving a little more sleep. So that means that BV once again is out of the picture - dude just hasn't got it, NN would have been good but anyway we need not beat that one, and AB? Well AB has it all and yet doesn't have the one fundamental issue in that trifecta, and no it's not the issue of I loving him and he me business that is sooo not even on the page, it's that faith business. AB could careless to which BI I am sure is raising an eyebrow. This is the very issue that I skirted around with NN, basically I am at the point where there is shit for choices within that community - OM and BV being perfect examples and NN being an indicator that I'm not quite faithful enough, so ya, I'm shit out of luck these days it seems. That list is not going to get filled anytime whether they were non-negotiable or not at one point... the times are a changing folks and I for one don't appreciate the signs of the times.

*this could represent any gods, God or concept of spirituality

Just Keeping My Options Open...

J looked at me with her all knowing motherly look of concern when I announced that I was intending on going to OM's fiesta. Really it's cheap booze (I get tipsy on like one glass of wine) and it's a recession, why the hell not? Actually there are plenty of other reasons and they all have to do with having a good time and torturing OM. Yes, why the hell not, not the torturing part, the having a good time, the torturing is just a fringe benefit to me enjoying myself. See as witness from the last event, everyone seems to be there with the intention of making new friends, new friends result in more new friends like AB, so in the knowledge that AB is likely just going to be an awesome transparent friend like the rest of the gaggle around here, I'm seeing what else is out there in the way of community in general. And hell if AB is interested well we will cross that bridge when it arises. So I will don my infamous blue dress, and no it is not infamous for any Monica Lewinsky like reasons, and see what a bottle of wine and some appies will get me, aside from the standard gropey hug and a few uncomfortable moments courtesy of OM.

Before all that I'll be trawling the stacks, I keep forgetting that I am apparently in school... nagging degree business this all is...

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/historyanorak/3380200086/

So I have a wedding venue... I just need a groom

I just about fell over today when I was offered a discount on a venue. Something to work towards he joked, hahaha...and then I looked again, it would be an awesome venue. Okay schedule me in, give me 3 years, I think that's safe. No? Dear J before I have you at my door, or hunting me down in the grocery store, I did not book it though tempted. Anyways, it made me wonder have there been whispers down the pipeline that I've been getting out and about. It has always been my policy aside from blogging to keep the men in my life, minor or massively wrong out of the spotlight until the one blinding moment they are exposed to everyone in one go and then see how they survive. Suprisingly enough, I actually in theory test drove AB with everyone at my birthday, and OM had been run past J and failed (sort of), so hmm, I guess a new pattern is emerging though at this point none will be the person I will using to validate that venue booking. Oh J it's like the most amazing venue ever... and now I am going to get my paper bag, and my therapy journal and return myself to the present, where Martha Stewart does not reside with fairy wings made of vellum invitations...

Written in the Stars?

To amuse myself I read my horoscope and check out what the wise readers of the gassy masses and centripetally moving masses see, I almost even convinced J to come with me to get a reading, but in the end I just wasn't sure that I could handle what would be said objectively, I knew I'd either hear it would be years before I'd find someone or the opposite, both of which I'd rather leave to those gassy masses... anyways to I checked out the alignment for myself and the two most prominently featured acronyms... I have to say it's funny to read them, because well, in hindsight they seem sooooo accurate.

Well in regards to OM, apparently I'd have to be on crack if I think we'd work out, according to the heavens, sure OM's sign finds me as hot as a Las Vegas August afternoon, but beyond that it also finds me as annoying as one of those afternoons can be chaffing every last inch of you as you burn, melt and darn well get angered to high heavens - yep we can check that one off as successfully achieved... in the end it's a flash in the pan and that's about it, I've moved on as predicted and he's still figuring it all out...

As to the other labeled soul, apparently it could be "magical," hmm, ya not interested if there are saws, bunnies and top hats involved... but apparently we're hot for each like that August afternoon, I'd have to say in my opinion we're at the I don't think I've even considered that stage, so I don't know, it could be, we're keeping that off the table because well why the hell should it be on the table, for one if we remember the whole long acronym, we haven't changed planetary systems so thus I can't foresee myself being considered suitable, but if we do shift the time space continuum apparently I could have found my not railroadable counterpart who will provide me stability, consistency and the patience to deal with someone owned entirely by the twins...only catch supposedly they like to lead thus the no railroad, so I'll be waiting on that time shift shit to go down, I wonder if I can cook up anything in the lab to speed up that process... not that, oh what the hell, why deny it, we all know that I want something to happen... shit my life is just not working out these days, this is the worst ever.

It's Not Worth IT is it?

Sitting here trying to figure out how to start, do I empty out my frustrations about the brunette always being labelled as the tarts that defile the young men, only to be rescued by the blond (check your bildugsroman definitions), I love how pop culture steals just enough to capture the attention of the fringe, we had this discussion in another time and place about a music video featuring a cuckold... but anyways that is neither here and not there or here... so moving on. After a weekend of partying, I'm trying to figure out how I decided to in my old age to ramp up my social calender...maybe just maybe because I figured somewhere along the way it would all pay off and I wouldn't be blogging about acronyms and mystery pseudo men, that it would all be wrapping itself up into a neater bundle, of boy meets girl, boy calls/FB's/emails girl, boy and girl meet informally - coffee, used book store, gallery or whatever - not all on one day of course, and then if boy likes girl we progress from there. Simple? Well apparently it goes more like this: boy and girl meet, girl thinks boy is cute, emails/FB's/texts boy, boy responds, waits, waits, boy waits a little longer and girl moves on... or girl gets impatient and asks uninterested boy out... or as seen on the weekend as we passed by a local nightclub, I apparently would be successful if I took the dress I was wearing on Saturday night, opted to skip the double sided tape and took 12 inches off the bottom, ensuring that the hem instead of grazing my knees grazed my toosh instead... is that what I'm left with? Is that how it's done? Because while I function under the I don't care if you look policy those boys I believe function under the belief they get the right to touch after one weak assed martini... even a strong, excellently executed one doesn't get you that far, it may get you my guarded with my life phone number... yes you are of select company if you get my number, it has something do with a CEF... all that being said I believe today June 8th it's SO NOT WORTH IT ALL, someone please I beg you prove me wrong.

Someone again remind me about tequila

So I am once again sitting across from Aussie roommate chowing down on the Gaviscon and tortilla chips trying to cancel out the repetitive nature of tequila in my system, sure there are a few sour patch kids going down as well... hey something else should be pickling my liver right now should it? So anyways the tequila? It of course was downed in celebration of my birthday or unbirthday whatever we've decided... So well anyways since I've had a few let's discuss my life... yes my wonderful life.

So my therapist - let's call her X thinks that blogging is an unusual way to sort through the problematic nature of this world, relationships and all the shit that goes down day to day. Well I think she's sort of right and wrong, see writers - like Ford Maddox Ford, Virgina Wolfe and well hundreds if not thousands of others have used their personal shit as a foundation for their writing, and before I get some disgruntled rant about how dare I relate myself to Virgina Wolfe - you're right, I am more like Ford Maddox Ford (and that was an entirely a joke for me - sorry)... any who's writing for me and for you, lets me poke around in my life for the humour and cover it with a nice coating of distorted truth. So while OM is off somewhere tooling around with whomever and ignoring the reality of my direct nature (bad idea - really we all know that I'm not going to deal with that well), I had a wonderful time with my wonderful friends and enjoy the whole process again of getting know people around me and being more and more transparent and no that transparency isn't going to take route anywhere around here. So my brain hurts, my mouth hurts (smiling and no I'm not going to tell you why) and I'm at the point where I realize that this outfit SO VERY needed double sided tape - errr ya, well someone got a good eye full tonight.

Tootles...

Put Down The Fork

....because you know that what ails you is not going to be better and likely possibly worse if you think that a slice of birthday cake at 10am is going to make the whole he's really not into you thing, really sink in, the really part, like really, for sure, eh, you know, you REALLY know he's not ever going to call, ever remember your birthday, your favorite flower (peony), your favorite colour (pink), your favorite author (Rushdie), favorite movie... (we need to leave somethings off the interwebs)...and so on and so forth. I think I really realized this week that it all is in the was, this all was, a definite for sure, we just box the remnant emotions, pack up those straggling memories, and wishes and trade the shelved red stilettos for that box, and put it up on the shelf with the ex-fiance, the other ex's and know that they can keep each other company up there. In the end it is what it is and nothing I could have or not said would have changed that when it came down to all of it in the end, to OM I occupied the position that many women do until we're moved over into the next category (get to know her), I was just my exterior, and maybe a small amount of interior, just enough to minimize the guilt of "befriending" a woman so you could stare at her boobs and hug her a little to long in the hopes of feeling something... because in the end even in his own words I was little more than the fantasy he had formed and while I guess I should be happy about it, given that we apparently value that aspect of imagination, I just find it frustrating...

Hmmm, cake...

I Wanna Be a Showgirl

Or so Katy Perry made me think. Doesn't it all look lovely? Well I know it's not lovely, they don't get to wear all that silver glitter eye shadow anyways. But it made me wonder, how'd I get here? I mean not that being a showgirl was an option for me, but given that I have a "I hate my job and you can all screw yourselves" kind of job right now according to J, what went wrong? I can't seem to get a guy with an education and a backbone, they seem inversely proportional these days, until you get to a certain education level and then yes they are directly proportional once again. But those men, those men want something else all together, and well I don't run in the Bunny kind of circles, nor do you ladies. Sooooo, back to the point, I am happy with many aspects of my life, I would not necessarily change my degree and all that jazz, but the issue is more so, how do I change my future?

Online dating? Been there and done that - and while it works for some, I think it's just not for me.
Speed dating? Bwahahaha, sorry it may work for some, but it's like speed interviewing, when all I want to know in those brief few moments is the same thing: University education? Drugs? Alcohol? Criminal Record? Pets? Children?

Education no matter what it is says I can jump through a societal hoop, and maybe you'll jump through another societal hoop - like RESPONSIBILITY.
Drugs,yes I know it's Vancouver and my landlord is down with the pot usage, but I'm not, sorry
Alcohol, my sweet lova, it's all fine and good until some orders the shots, or drinks Canadian...
Criminal Record, well you'd think that's a self explanatory one
Pets - can be good and bad, shows some level of responsibility
Children - I want them, you can keep your dogs and your bro's but this ho wants some little ones...

Simple no? Apparently it's actually scary.

So then no online, no speed dating, any guys who are circulating in the friend pool are either not datable, sorry Josh, taken, or unlabelable - OM. And so there we are waiting for someone somewhere to come crashing into us.

According to a Reliable Source

According to the Globe and Mail, it is acceptable, in fact actually encouraged for women to ask men out. Have we gone so ass backwards we have to worry about that now? Next thing I'm going to be the one buying the flowers and the lingerie for myself. Oh wait I have to do that already, so I guess I'm not really having to change anything, but still! Seriously buck up all of you single men out there, while I would like to ask you out, curious things start to happen like with OM, y'all get all scared and worked up after the fact, like your the girls and I'm the guy and well honey that there should not be happening. So while I would like to ask AB to go to the gallery and maybe look a little more intensely at patient boy, I'm not going to, nope you can just stay there single until it means enough to you to get off your ass and change the situation.

So OM, AB and anyone else while you're debating that I have another paper to write and a vay-cay to pack for where who knows what will happen...

There goes the neighbourhood

and whatever possibility there was of a relationship. OM and his ex had a chat about their status, turns out she dropped him like a hot potato or something and has a new man. So OM who's spent the better part of at least two months pineing for her now has it as clear as day it's not going happen. Ouch. So how do I know this? I'm the crying shoulder apparently. Ouch. Yes I've been officially religated to female friend status, I've been defeminized or whatever. Now, dear readers I did think that I could f*ck with the situation and play up the rescuerer roll and get whatever I could get out of that, but really? For one we know it's not going to go down like that - I'll nurse him back to happiness and he'll move on and I'll have one hell of a broken heart... um no I'm too old for trying any of that bs. So there we go - he sailed the dock away from the ship somehow... I wasn't expecting that.

Just in case you're all wondering I even said I won't be the shoulder to cry on because it's not fair for me... wow sometimes even though it is right, the adult voice in me sounds so foreign.

A country song for all the broken hearted ones out there...

It's a hop skip and a few martini's to the next one...

I was awake for two hours this morning - J can verify this as I returned an email from my Crackberry at 4 something. I was awake with the questions of what does this all mean and where do we go from here? Really do I have ta, really do I have ta start cycle all over again because let's be honest it's a calculated or uncalculated risk every freaking time. Even worse when you think that there are like 3 general categories of men... yes I am aware there are subsets within the groups

1. Skeezy drunk dude type - and not always drunk, but always skeezy - the kind that need to be treated by some kind of specialised hazmat team.

2. Nice but eww boys. These are the ones most of us get stuck on, stuck with or something else stuck... Of these I have had Dr. Boy, Lawyer Boy, I play a guitar boy and OM (MBA boy) and no I don't think any of their actions are representative of their professions. I am sure I could even put my ex-fiance in there too while we are at it. They are those who have so much baggage that well you might as well give up while your ahead. They're the kind that lurve you instead of loving you despite the length of the relationship. They're clean on the outside but as malfunctioning and diseased as boy #1.

3. Nice boys you either don't want to date or can't figure out how to get it to a dating relationship. Mr. I work for a computer company and love action figures was great despite the moniker - but I was not going to be with, and AB I don't know how to get a functional friendship out of the whole thing nevermind a freaking date so that dies here and now I guess...

Type 3 boys are perfect marriage material - they're the ones who due to some stroke of luck have their hormones on the back burner for just long enough to get a decent idea of who you are - which of course leads to them sort of wanting to know you - their brains are able to channel that the whole attraction thing gets better with time or dies when you realize her favorite movie of all time is High School Musical...

But no worries plans are a brewing - they always are, no? Remember it is just a hop, skip and a few martini's and maybe a freaking awesome pair of shoes from NYC away, and maybe a dress with some rocking cleavage too... hmm no?

This song somewhat references OM... just so he knows somewhere at sometime I'm going to torture you - oh you have no idea the pain I'm going to put you through the next time you throw a waffle party...

SBucks in Hand and a Blue Dress at Barefoot Contessa

Make a day better. I have to say this current situation all of a sudden has given me flash backs to 2003/2004 when someone decided that what was on the other side seems greener and then a year later tried to hop the fence. See the problem was Mr. I Play a Guitar and Do Photography while still hot in some ways was still the same broken indecisive person, the same person who couldn't seem to truly understand me, be comfortable with me. So a year later when I gave him a shot, we fought, we fought because he believed he knew me and yet he knew nothing nor was he open to who I was. The situation with OM is the same almost word for word - I wonder if there is a book that these men are following... I think you're hot (but you wouldn't know it because I don't treat you like that) and yet there's this other person who seems to fit my missing pieces better. I am not here to: "complete" someone, to fix someone (there's therapy for that - it's good I recommend it - someone who doesn't have anything invested should be the one to deal with your emotional baggage because my baggage has been unpacked, sorted and cleaned and now I'm good to go forward), to be someones arm candy, to be anything but whoever I am growing into and if I need to I will tattoo that too on my body while I'm getting the rest of my lower back done.

So CC, J and N while three of us are still single I think we've all come to this place and likely will again and again, when it's right it will be right and the rest of the time while they just continue to disappoint we should by no means lower our standards - ya hear!!!