Bah! Eck!...

So BB was super nice to me this morning bailed me out of a jam with regards to I failed at my payroll duties thus leaving me without the money to pay for coffee etc this morning... so I was going to repay him with money and some food since BB has been so generous.  Problem is... BB being nice and me being nice back because that is the polite thing to do, is also the most efficient way to send mixed signals.  Now Houston we have a problem.  The kind of problem that makes the can of baked beans I ate not want to stay in my stomach.

I will say I have no problem being rejected, I can totally work with that, as I being a grown woman I know how to process it's not you it's me bs and I get it - I can deal with that.  I however can't be that woman to say it's not you it's me - because in the case of CEF and BB and others it has been them.  BB is sweet, but he's one hell of a broken man and I am not in the business of sewing hearts back together and weeding through more bs, lies and all sorts of issues in the hopes of finding someone who is able to walk with me through life.  I can't do that - I tried to do that with CEF, but knowing that I can't talk to another man, go out with my girls for the fear that I might talk to a guy. Sure a little jealousy keeps the passion alive and all that shit but in the end - that which burns red hot has a tendency to consume the bonds of trust really quickly.  Anyways I digress I was really really hoping that BB's departure for a far far away continent to work would make my life easier but I guess not...