HSBFF and I have been commuting together for the last little while and given that there is almost 15 years of history between us the conversation is always candid and a little odd for those sitting around us on the train.
Topic for discussion? OM and BV and CW's attempt to set me up (hasn't happened yet so don't worry you didn't miss anything). I was commenting that I tease OM, knowing that he considers me "hot" and "sexy" (who says that to a friend/pseudo date?) but he didn't think we'd have an intellectual connection... this coming from a man who is looking for two types of women - his 50's homemaker archetype and a wildness distinctly un-feminine women... so I hug him a little longer, flirt like crazy with him - it makes him blush and gives me my retaliation for being made to feel simple. BV also made me feel simple and over educated all in one fell swoop... he is in R&D for a medical engineering firm - when I asked scientific questions I got ridiculous responses so in detail that is was annoying and when I tried to engage in mutual intellect discussions he either lacked that or was uninterested. I once again felt like a piece of meat. CW's boyfriend is treating me like that too - he is the bridge to the blind date and apparently his refusal to set it up has nothing to do with my brain...
So this is sounding narcissistic and vain. Do I think I'm a stunner, a head turner - oh goodness no. To be honest if there are men out there who think so they can keep moving (though according to HSBFF who keeps pointing them out they aren't). Why? Because I don't like feeling objectified, and I know that that is universally not the intent with such attention, but for me it feels like that. I dress modest for the most part - sure when I'm out partying the girls are out - they're still not at my knees and so for the next few years they can see the setting sun for a little while, but the rest of the time - nope. The only time I would consider wearing a short skirt is a running skirt which has shorts and I almost always wear it over tights... I digress. The point? HSBFF thought it was hilarious that life was torturing me - when I was younger I was known only for my brain and know that I'm older and want to be known and respected for my intellect, I'm getting almost only attention for my very average looking body... WHAT GIVES? Then again I always held to the belief that men's tastes would develop, maybe they have to the point that my child bearing hips are more important than my brain... or maybe that's a digression in taste...
"Music" choice
Yea...we're dogs. I'll be the first to admit it. I think we're biologically made that way. That still doesn't give us an excuse to run around and hump the next thing that moves.
ReplyDeleteYes, we objectify. But if we don't look with our eyes we get accused of not paying attention or worse, our manhood gets attacked. Also, in this "P.C." environment, we've had to shed our chivalry/chauvinistic shells for more egalitarian/appropriate ones and that results in us being viewed as "soft" or worse, "Lacking balls." In essence, our current social climate puts us at a very confused state.
Bottom line, I don't think I can account for the many stupid things men do, so I guess it's safe to assume that we are what I said in my first line, and just build on that. You may look harsh for taking that stance, but it may prove to be a good filter. At least if there's a guy out there that's willing to prove you wrong, his temerity may invariably separate him from the pack and could well prove to be the one you're looking for. Just cut him a little slack when he does show up =).
My biggest issue w. feeling objectified? The gym. It doesn't matter that I am on the recline for an hour and get off drenched in sweat or that I am one of the few women who does free weights for the muscular benefits NOT to chit chat w. whomever I brought to the gym. No I am not noticed for this. But the minute I start working on flexibility I am suddenly put center stage. Come on, seriously? It's not like I want the attention I would rather be ignored all around then be eye screwed because of their simple minds.
ReplyDelete*Than be
ReplyDeleteYou know I do not think all men are dogs. I think that unfortunately there are a select few, like with women whose socially inappropriate and thus obvious behavior sets them apart and in the process makes it seems like their numbers are larger than they are.
ReplyDeleteThere is a difference between looking and as AS said “eye screwing,” and it is the later, that women take issue with. Do I mind receiving a polite smile from a man I encounter in the day-to-day activities, no not at all? However, as AS indicated I believe there are almost “sacred locations” in which women can already feel self-conscious or like objects – the gym is one of them. For me I don’t mind being polite – smiling or saying hi to a runner or cyclist I encounter on my daily runs, but the men who honk or slow down while driving – now way to make a girl want to dive for the bushes or run late at night.
TOITB, do not worry I still believe that there are good ones out there, ones that will appreciate me for my average looking-ness, my awesome brain and stellar cooking skills.
There is one guy at the gym that personifies this particular type of 'man' quite proficiently. Today while I stretched as per usual I got the typical run down. BUT after the gym I went to the rink (the track over looks it) and caught him watching me skate. It some how seemed like a small victory (or maybe I am convincing myself of this) that I could captivate his attention by my flow and technique on the ice rather than how my figure skating bum fills out my running shorts.
ReplyDeleteGym Guy 0
Anna 1
Anna I think we can give you an extra point for not loosing the contents of your stomach at such a display or even better yet laughing in his face.
ReplyDeleteHaha true very true. The giggle was well hidden.
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