For the love of all things beautiful and covet worthy like this home in NYC or this one in Paree (Paris) I should not be around babies. Ack my uterus has taken over, it's more then just talking at me, it's yelling and starting a war, a revolt, a coup. That's it it's start a coup over my brain, my heart and my freaking common sense. I see a baby, and the only thing I can concentrate on it BABY, OOOOOOO BABY, OOOOOOOO, SO CUTE, BABY!!! I WANT A BABY!!! Is all my precious hormones are pumping through/screaming at my brain and insisting they get. I have officially banned myself from children. Yes Ms. J I am the one who more often then not swears that they are evil, originating from the same place as pantyhose runs and spilled food on a first date, lipstick on your teeth and all that. Evil. And maybe they still are for trying to in their cuteness start an internal revolt from the semi bottom (the uterus) up. I won't have it, I'll send in the military if I have to... or maybe just get my ass back on the pill lest I really do something incredibly stupid and alcohol fueled with AB and note I am aware that INCREDIBLY STUPID would be an understatement in that regard.
Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jane_sanders/2768212019/
My Ob/Gyn rotation in 4 weeks should sway you or bolster your resolve about having babies ;)
ReplyDeleteThey are very cute, I'll admit.
Yes they are very cute. They originate from a fun activity and that is where the fun and joy ends, because for 9 months I will gain weight, bloat, cry, be gassy, sweat, cry some more etc, and then I will curse more than Ms. J does when she drives when I attempt to push the lovely fruit of my loins out via a water birth surrounded by the calm support of my doula etc, and then the cry, gassiness and more crying will start all over with both me and child. Add to that lack of sleep and yay we have a PAR-TAY.
ReplyDeleteSure I want a child, but I want to be married so I can nag and vent and have someone who will still love me after my boobs go and I no longer look fabulous in lesser clothing options. I don't want to be a single mom, I realized that in late October as I waited for a pregnancy test to give me the 411 on my future. Sure I could do it, sure all would be accomplished - I would raise a child who being relatively normal would at 13 decide I was an idiot and disown me etc... But well hopefully that doesn't happen. I will postpone the passing of a watermelon through that small opening as long as I can.
Hey! I'm the one in this relationship who is the baby-lover. Remember when you said that you only tolerated the babies because they were related to me?
ReplyDelete(BTW speaking of related to me, if I get this other job, which I shouldn't get my hopes up, but if I get, it we should get "fake common law" married so you can get my extended medical/dental benefits. Why did we not think of this before?)
The one thing you need to do to remind your uterus that babies are a whole lotta cute wrapped around a whole lotta pain is remember that Briana spent a full 18 months in thrall to a pint-sized dictator who ruled her days and nights by screaming in three octaves. She still gets that sort of traumatized look when she talks about it. There is no amount of cute that makes up for it. This is why every mom says in utter honesty at some point, "it's a good thing that they're cute or the human race wouldn't have ever made it out of the cave."
BTW: how funny is that that you have a tag called "uterus!?" Isn't that equally TMI to the whole "camel toe" thing?
I know, I know, holding that little baby was so incredibly bad. As for censoring-do I normally? Meh the whole medical world will see it and all that... And yes they are a whole lot of cute wrapped up in stress and pain. Look there will be no uterus occupant in the near future. I am not rushing head long into that. Have no fear.
ReplyDelete