Hrmmm

So I've discovered something interesting that should have been obvious and I'm not sure what to do with it.

I was mentioning a new male co-worker to the roommate and she noted that I seem to be attracted to smart friendly guys. Okay so this is likely the case, but the good Lord knows I have seemed to aside from X failed miserably at dating this type. Maybe because they friend zone themselves as fast as I friend zone them? I'm not sure. This guy is fascinating, maybe in part because I've really never worked in an office where there have been available men (dating patients was not okay), but who knows. He's has two Masters degrees and is funny and maybe even flirty. So yes that's the new job.

On another note the roommate also thinks that X and I should stop being friends and just get back on the relationship roller coaster. Sure if you can find us a job in the same city maybe we can talk about that idea... until then NOPE.

But this all may be the wine talking...

On another note I recently purchased Miranda Lambert's new album along with Sam Smith's - they're like emotional polar opposites.

This song makes me want to dye my hair platinum again.... but I'd have to hack it all off too and I don't think I can do that quite yet. oops, apparently the wine did get to my head - here's the proper video

# 56 of the Many Reasons I Have A Blog

I drink.


And when I drink gin I normally want to say things to the boy I like or do things I shouldn't.  I think the Fall of 2009 was a perfect example of the cascade of stupid events that more than one G&T, a hot summer night and a now infamous blue dress can lead to.  So tonight when I purchased a gin based drink RB did come to mind.  Now thankfully he wasn't with us and he and I don't have that kind of texting relationship that can lead to scandalous flirting and thankfully he doesn't follow me on Twitter where I hinted to a secret affection.  No things were safe.  But mostly because I have this outlet.  I can say to you what I have been wishing I could say to RB.

I like you.  I know our relationship is going to be awkward and I'm sure you aren't going to reciprocate.  And you know what?  I am okay with that.  Actually the reason I'm telling you this is I would like to move on.  I would like to be able to stick the final nail in this emotional coffin of sorts, bury it and move the heck on.  So there you go I like you.  And now we move on from that.  Sort of the awesomely horribly kind of drunk FB message I would love to post at this moment but I will not.  No instead I will have a chocolate chip gluten free cookie and fall asleep to 16 Candles or something and let the gin leave my blood stream.

So night all, thanks for listening and staging this gin intervention. *smooches*

Not Right

I marched into the Interfaith Center today an hour before my meeting - I knew doing so would increase my chances of seeing Mr. Bombastic, but I did not to actually see him and secondly I really did not expect the weird emotional response. I had butterflies and the related shyness when we acknowledged each other.  Dude, self, not okay.  I have no desire to know why I had those butterflies.  All I need to know is when they happen the calm, confident adult female I am goes AWOL.  Boo to all of it.  Hopefully next week the feelings will not remain. Why?  Because to be honest I would rather flirt with him, enjoy that banter and leave it at that, he's in an "it's complicated" space and I'm in I want to a relationship and if I can't have that then I will take just the superficial flirting and leave the rest space.

Since it was mentioned...

So I found Mr. Bombastic, finally, I will not divulge how long I spent trying to figure who he was, and of course when I found him, I completely remembered his name... Not important though. He's in one of those "It's Complicated" places according to his FB status (yes he added me - silly fool). So what does that tell me or us.  Well I for one am not a fan of the "It's Complicated" status because it says we are too comfortable/dependent on each other to cut the strings but we want to/need to. I as a whole have mixed feelings regarding FB statuses.  I for one have nothing posted, I think my lack of pictures with a male or a wedding ring or really any of those things says enough, nor do I think it is really anyone's beeswax if I am single.  However, and I stress however, sometimes I understand why it is an option.  I have a friend of mine who I lost contact with in the MySpace to FB transition.  I know she is/was married as a friend of mine used her photographer for her own wedding.  However this individual has no recent pictures of her husband, does not wear a ring and doesn't use her married name apart from her documentation (we are in the same department at school).  She is not the only person who appears to be in a separation/divorce, and well you do not want to assume anything...

Anyways Mr. Bombastic is also Mr. It's Complicated and I have far too many of those in my life, we more specifically AB as a friend has filled that It's Complicated space and I am not seeking any new applicants.  Well it was fun for that little while.

So the song is not relevant but it is a visually beautiful video and the song is not bad either, you know these days anything other than that damn Lady Antebellum song works for me.

Weird, no?

HSBFF and I have been commuting together for the last little while and given that there is almost 15 years of history between us the conversation is always candid and a little odd for those sitting around us on the train.

Topic for discussion? OM and BV and CW's attempt to set me up (hasn't happened yet so don't worry you didn't miss anything). I was commenting that I tease OM, knowing that he considers me "hot" and "sexy" (who says that to a friend/pseudo date?) but he didn't think we'd have an intellectual connection... this coming from a man who is looking for two types of women - his 50's homemaker archetype and a wildness distinctly un-feminine women... so I hug him a little longer, flirt like crazy with him - it makes him blush and gives me my retaliation for being made to feel simple. BV also made me feel simple and over educated all in one fell swoop... he is in R&D for a medical engineering firm - when I asked scientific questions I got ridiculous responses so in detail that is was annoying and when I tried to engage in mutual intellect discussions he either lacked that or was uninterested. I once again felt like a piece of meat. CW's boyfriend is treating me like that too - he is the bridge to the blind date and apparently his refusal to set it up has nothing to do with my brain...

So this is sounding narcissistic and vain. Do I think I'm a stunner, a head turner - oh goodness no. To be honest if there are men out there who think so they can keep moving (though according to HSBFF who keeps pointing them out they aren't). Why? Because I don't like feeling objectified, and I know that that is universally not the intent with such attention, but for me it feels like that. I dress modest for the most part - sure when I'm out partying the girls are out - they're still not at my knees and so for the next few years they can see the setting sun for a little while, but the rest of the time - nope. The only time I would consider wearing a short skirt is a running skirt which has shorts and I almost always wear it over tights... I digress. The point? HSBFF thought it was hilarious that life was torturing me - when I was younger I was known only for my brain and know that I'm older and want to be known and respected for my intellect, I'm getting almost only attention for my very average looking body... WHAT GIVES? Then again I always held to the belief that men's tastes would develop, maybe they have to the point that my child bearing hips are more important than my brain... or maybe that's a digression in taste...

"Music" choice

In case you were wondering

Aussie roommate always seems to look at me like I'm just well foreign when I leave the house all dolled up for the 2 second jaunt to Sbucks. The reason? You never know who is going to snag you and talk you up for like 30 minutes. So was the case when baby but oh so cute barista boy decided it was time to be social and well do what social people do, talk. I doubt he was flirting given that that act would make me like a premature cougar, a cougarling, but I'm okay with learning that skill. In the end it was just what I think I needed, a constant reminder that every conversation with a potentional or not is a warm up, it's a lesson, a moment to learn a new skill, a new way to get into and or out of a conversation... so while baby barista will be off into the land of travelling unknowns, who knows... for the few days he's still there I'm going to get all the free coffee I can out of it.

So yes this also relates to trips to the grocery store, the library and the local Vetern's hall, look smart, stay sharp and you just may snag you a honey, or at least a free bevy.

What a Flirt!

I need to make a confession, I partake in flirting for the purposes of free caffeine. Look there is a recession, a trip to NYC and life essentials like my Crackberry to pay for, why pay for my double tall vanilla soy latte if I don't have to? See the issue is when you flirt for coffee it's kind of shameless and vulnerable, I mean do you think straight before you have your coffee? All that being said, when I stopped into my local store, I came face to face with my biggest flirting companion, and a date. Yep I got asked on a coffee date (the way to this caffeinated girl's heart), and I walked out of the store wondering if I managed to get myself in too deep. What happens if it doesn't work out, do I get my free coffee from one of the other boys or do I have to as I did before, leave the store for a period of time until they all move on to other locations. and then the cycle begins again?

Ack! A real date, apparently someone just threw me onto that elusive horse I was happy just flirting with. If this is where flirting gets you, I'm not so sure... right? Who really wants a date? Me? Even if it's just so I can justify purchasing this t-shirt

F__ Friday

While I am still diseased with my perma-cold and I'm not looking forward to having the motherboard replaced on our terminal server today, I decided to make today one of those days I say F It (it being all the stress). To aid in that oath of positivity, the FRAY have announced concert days, the sun is shining and I gave into my leave from coffee and am now cuddling a beautiful triple shot vanilla soy latte. But really, none of that has any baring on the beauty of today. No rather a couple of smiles from a ring-less Mr. Big look alike on the train this morning put a skip into my step.

I think all of us need a smile from an attractive stranger - and the emphasis is on the attractive - to make us put down the I hate my hair, I look fat today, I can't believe I haven't been to the gym, or that I had McDonald's for breakfast or whatever and say, I'm cute, I'm fabulous, or Hallelujah the drought has ended!

However I do have to confess I had a moment of terror - I mean it's one thing to smile at someone from across a train car - it's another to do anything else. And I with an empty seat next to me panicked - I mean could I for the next 40 minutes be talking to someone batshit crazy - and I have to say given my luck this would be the case - or would I be seduced by some serial flirt. So I chickened out, relished the smile and hauled out my Blackberry and got my ass on to Facebook stat.

So to all of you out there feeling a little out of the TGIF loop, FLIRT with the cutie barista so young it's probably not legal or the guy on the other end of the train, you might just feel better.