Landing Lights

There are distinct moments in my life where I have desired landing lights, blinking neon, a wise oracle or sage in the desert.  ANYTHING to point the way towards the right and less painful moments in life.  There have been many painful moments.  So to me that says I either miss the lights, the oracle or the sage, intentionally ignore them or they aren't there.  I am going to go with the they aren't there because I in my lack of trust refuse to see them or interpret anything as directional.

Life now is perfect case in point.  My boss decides to give me an educational leave - totally unexpected.  My father gets a loan for me - also unexpected.  Both allow me to go back to school in September to finish off this degree and get things lined up for graduate school.

However after today's meeting with my prof, I feel exhausted and deflated.  And while I could say that it is true my proposal was constructed in a matter of hours while hopped up on cold medication.  I should be proud that my un-edited mess didn't result in my tears. However, I feel like in all this my graduate school dream slips further away with every other opportunity to move forward.

So to bed I go, the proposal reconstruction will have to wait until I can get some sleep and coffee into my system.

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/golfcharlie232/4427535646/