I am aware I'm making a statement as obvious as the presence of saline in Pam Anderson's chest region. Regardless - it sucks.
Case 1
My PU just finalized a loan to pay off my credit card - my PU who just got everything in the black went red for me - talk about guilt. It's not a free loan - oh no, just he has no interest rate other than grandchild. Yes he directly asked me to provide him grandbabies - what about a son in law first? He's likely to be child like... I did consent to grandbabies - guess I need to get dating. Sigh. Strings attached to EVERYTHING.
Case 2
Asking for help though a sign of a maturity is also a sign that I am not as mature as I would like to be. I don't have the confidence I wish I had or think I should have. Tonight I am meeting with my professor to discuss my proposal for my 15 page paper. This all coming on the heels of what is still my permanent nausea about the last paper. I know that in meeting with him I can be critiqued, become better and grow as a writer. But who likes to be critiqued on something they are passionate about? You can tell me my singing sucks - I am down with that because it doesn't happen in the presence of any mammals lest I burst their eardrums. If you tell me my cooking is horrible I'm likely to impale you with a spatula or something similarly blunt. Even worse talking literature with my professor is like talking to an uber hot dude who hits on you. Your brain while trying to shove out the feeling a camera crew is going to jump out and yell "PUNK'D" or something like that, is also trying to be witty, calm, cool and brilliant. In the end you end up looking like Heidi Montag, expressionless and vacant upstairs, and likely drooling in your Cosmo.
Case 3
As part of Case 1 I have to submit a budget and open all my spending to my PU. Boo I can deal with other people's finances just not my own, I would rather ignore that, thanks. Guess not went you're getting bailed out of the shit hole that started 2 years ago by your ever patient PU.
Case 4
You accept that making a fool out of Mr. Bombastic in your class, just makes you more of bitch in the end, and you're not really down with that. So Mr. Bombastic unless you seriously misstep consider yourself safe.
so how did the prof thing happen
ReplyDelete*Sigh* I will say that he's super sweet, overly generous and I on the other hand have shitty grammar and a weak ass ego. Oy I feel bruised - my proposal disintegrated in a matter of minutes. In the end my desire to go to graduate school for English is actually where he killed me - in politeness I got the strong sense that he would like my previous prof deny my a recommendation. Another tisk tisk to the dream of me pursuing the goal... and so que the new blog...
ReplyDeleteSuck it up, buttercup! Just kidding.
ReplyDeleteSo if you had to rate it according to difficulty, which is harder?
a. getting in the black
b. getting hitched
c. getting a proper thesis
I was in your position 5 years ago. But luckily, med school deferred my ass out. Now, Choice A is exponentially more difficult than Choice B, but the latter is is gaining momentum, considering I ain't getting any younger, and school/work is just gonna get more hectic from here on in. And choice C, well, I decided with the non-thesis, which still got me to med school, which inordinately made Choice A a hell of a lot harder to accomplish, and at the same time, making Choice B more unlikely (who wants a broke med student for a date?)
I guess what I'm trying to say is...it could be worse and you're not alone? Does that work for you?
Okay well that's easy
ReplyDeleteB. Is the easiest - hell I didn't even really want to and I almost did, the question is B and loving the person - now that's hard...
A. Debt is always going to happen in someway and form and I make the separation now between personal debt and student debt. The personal debt is almost gone entirely. The student debt will likely be there for a very long time and I have made peace with that as long as I have a purpose.
C. Eludes me - pardon me but for FUCK sake I think I have twisted and twisted in this topic trying to get the pieces to flip the way they need to - a literary Rubix cube if you will, and every essay/book seems to tell me to turn it one way or another in ways that seem great. So I have a new list of books to take out and read as I seem to have for now exhausted the Shakespeare Quarterly's extensive collection... yes...
D. Building enough ego so feel like I can compose intelligent sentences in the presence of my prof who if I can add has amazing eyes. I don't mean that in a ooo he's hot kind of way because I don't look at married men like that, seriously, but they are a dark chocolate brown - basically I'm an eye nerd, hell that's kind of my job and he's got some I haven't seen before.
As to your "issues"
B. Dude there are plenty of women who will throw themselves at you once you start being an asshole doctor - so get on that, become a jerk with a Dr and you'll find a wife, can't guarantee she'll like you for your personality, but then again you won't have one by that time... so it works. Or you can just wait and suffer like the rest of us.
A. Debt - pfsh, you'll make more than I ever will in my lifetime unless I become the next big thing... even then I think a lot of money goes to others in that process.
C. You were definitely wise, oh very wise.
Now I have to decide if I'm going to get dressed and bus 45 minutes to the library or keep slaving away here for the next hour or so trying to sort out the pieces of my thesis.
Well the non-thesis was forced because I didn't have more time - the time I did spend, it was on a semester's worth of research that really didn't pan out. All in all, I didn't have enough data, money, or precious time to spend on a project that was not giving me any results 9.5 times out of ten.
ReplyDeleteI found that those asshole doctors, while having many naive women at their beck and call, tend to get sued more often than not. Which definitely contradicts the purpose of A. So, being d-bag of a physician doesn't really do me any good in the end.
Well, you definitely could be the next big literary thing. You're practically on the path to it. This whole thesis thing will work itself out somehow. I'm sure you'll find a way. I have faith. And for for that faith, if I can ask 1 small favor: a small dedication to me in your first novel? =).
For sure you'll be in the dedication to all the little people who contributed to my greatness. No seriously, for sure - blog name, real name, name assigned to you by my coworker?
ReplyDeleteWell true I guess that is the downside of being a Dr House like personality without the benefit of script writers who save your ass each time. So I guess you'll have to suffer and find someone who loves you for you and not your title. I know that is a tremendous personal burden but I think you'll survive.
As for the thesis it's there but it's not then it's there but it's not and I find myself having these moments where I'm like eureka I've got it and then I'm oh but wait that doesn't work because of X. Gah!
To add to that minor stress I have to pick classes for the fall and there is just about nothing in the English department that I can take and then from there that looks remotely interesting.
Your co-worker assigned a nickname for me?? Interesting. What is it? Or am I going to regret asking?
ReplyDeleteClasses for next year...yea, I remember that was pretty stressful, especially if it's not really mapped out for you. Kinda like what I've been going through the past 4 months trying to pick an away clerkship. Good luck with that one.
You're not going to regret asking, it's Dr. (your first name).
ReplyDeleteYa thanks about the class stress - it's more annoying because I could pick anything but I don't want to just pick anything I want good solid reference and grade classes. The last thing I want is to be a month in an going NLLL I'm going to die, the prof hates me, I hate the course etc.