Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Deep Breath

I've been thinking, more than I should, and while my brain is beyond fried at this moment I am going to force it work while I wait for my tater tots (I need a GF carbohydrate in my stomach to soak up the monstrosity of apple, tea and coffee). 

To the point, rather than the death (sorry Princess Bride moment), I have been listening to Brooke Fraser's cd on endless repeat as of late for various reason - soothing, good message, and monotone in a good way.   There is a line in CS Lewis song, "Am I lost or just less found?"  I am trying to make peace with this journey.  Trust and the future have yet to clearly go hand in hand in my life.  I've had many moments of full force forward movement with equally full force stops.  This journey while great in theory, those moments before this class started, and in all those moments that could come.   But at this moment I wonder if all this is just me lost somewhere.  I can't see that and maybe that is what worries me.  This present moment worries me more as it all seems right.  Right is so relative in our understandings of our own life never mind how other lives with affect us and vice versa.

So on that note I will say I'm less found, and I hope to keep find more of me, like my back bone and the maturity guts to email my professor and say I need help.... that if you know me is not something I ask for casually.

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