Online Dating, I hate you.

I have opted to try out EH, and after it took 45 minutes of my life I will never get back filling out its survey, I seriously wondered if all the laughing at its stupidity would outweight the annoyance of it all.

For a moment it did.

Then I received my matches and realized that I filled out my application as my narcassistic personality or maybe I am crazily concerned about getting ahead, being obsessed about work and my body... because that's who I was matched with. I seriously considered re-filling it all out in the hopes I would find someone who is not going to be horrified when they find out I am a student basically living below the poverty line. But I decided to just ignore it - bad idea. I didn't check in for 3 days because I didn't want to deal with the stupid decision I had made, but I figured last night I should check, as my roommate who had also signed up was getting the same matches and we wanted to compare. I had 55 matches... and had a minor panic attack. So we laughed our way through them and in all those found 1 possible match.  I have come to the realization I'm picky, really picky on a superficial level.

Here were some of the deal breakers.

Poor basic spelling/grammar. Look I know that my grammar is horrible, BUT I am familiar with spell check and understand the value of capitalization. I am not a fan of the lower case i or spelling words like can't as cant. Cant is not a word, can't is a contraction and cannot is the full version.

Listing in the 5 things you could not live without all of the following, even worse if it's a combination:
TV
Laptop/computer
iPhone/Blackberry
Gym
Work/Career

I'm sorry, but you can live without those, and while I give you kuddos for being honest. How about friends, family even Fido...

EH also has questions that you can be asked which I hate with a passion - they're either complex questions that I am sure have some purpose but I ridiculously complex, like do you support abortion. They give you 140 characters to answer - there isn't space for yes as I support choice and no as I wouldn't chose that myself under normal circumstances. Or do you believe in hell. Well first theologically there is no support for a flaming Dante-esque, so what does hell look like? And then where are we coming from - predestination, double predestination etc. in other words I'm not going to give you a simple answer...

Or they have questions like do blue and yellow make green. REALLY?? Well I know who not to ask to make the icing green when we only have blue and yellow in the house...

I will keep ya'll updated - so far it's just an animator - but it's a slim hope since some of his questions to complex questions had simple answers opposite to my choice. So I'm not holding my breath.

Frankly all this makes me miss X more but alas that feeling needs to go somewhere else quickly.

Growing Up and Moving Forward Sucks...FYI

I am aware I'm making a statement as obvious as the presence of saline in Pam Anderson's chest region.   Regardless - it sucks.

Case 1
My PU just finalized a loan to pay off my credit card - my PU who just got everything in the black went red for me - talk about guilt.  It's not a free loan - oh no, just he has no interest rate other than grandchild. Yes he directly asked me to provide him grandbabies - what about a son in law first? He's likely to be child like... I did consent to grandbabies - guess I need to get dating. Sigh. Strings attached to EVERYTHING.

Case 2
Asking for help though a sign of a maturity is also a sign that I am not as mature as I would like to be.  I don't have the confidence I wish I had or think I should have. Tonight I am meeting with my professor to discuss my proposal for my 15 page paper.  This all coming on the heels of what is still my permanent nausea about the last paper.  I know that in meeting with him I can be critiqued, become better and grow as a writer.  But who likes to be critiqued on something they are passionate about?  You can tell me my singing sucks - I am down with that because it doesn't happen in the presence of any mammals lest I burst their eardrums.  If you tell me my cooking is horrible I'm likely to impale you with a spatula or something similarly blunt.   Even worse talking literature with my professor is like talking to an uber hot dude who hits on you.  Your brain while trying to shove out the feeling a camera crew is going to jump out and yell "PUNK'D" or something like that, is also trying to be witty, calm, cool and brilliant.   In the end you end up looking like Heidi Montag, expressionless and vacant upstairs, and likely drooling in your Cosmo.

Case 3
As part of Case 1 I have to submit a budget and open all my spending to my PU. Boo I can deal with other people's finances just not my own, I would rather ignore that, thanks.  Guess not went you're getting bailed out of the shit hole that started 2 years ago by your ever patient PU.

Case 4
You accept that making a fool out of Mr. Bombastic in your class, just makes you more of bitch in the end, and you're not really down with that.  So Mr. Bombastic unless you seriously misstep consider yourself safe.

Revelation!

I'm poor, like not poorhouse poor but might as well be...

See I debt - who doesn't these days?  My school debt I can rationalize - it's a hell of a lot easier to pay off than my credit card debt - see... when CEF was around I had to pay for flights  (for both of us - yes that should have signaled something too), I put the deposits down, paid for the invites, engagement dinner/celebration and the list goes on and on and on.  Add to that a pretty penny per month on therapy for the last two years and you get debt.  Now I cut up said card in December.  That was a huge relief and if the world didn't function on credit the other would go the same route without hesitation.

Anyways the point is that I have to sit down and talk to my PU about said debt, mainly, if I am to go back to school in September I need him to pay it off for me in exchange for taking care of him when he's older, letting him call me S&P-y (he is the only human on this Earth with that privilege) or the knowledge that I won't have to move back in with him and still get help with my debts...  It's not a conversation I want to have but hell what's the worst that could happen?

For all those that pray this would be another thing to add to the list - as it looks right now I will have to move home if I want to go back to school or I have to get some kind of shift work... eek.