Better as a Memory**

Memories are funny things, they fail us, they distort in the framework of time and place, they are rarely if ever honest with us, they capture a photograph from our sole perspective of a brief glimpse of moment. They are fragile, they are violent, they are abusive, they are everything we don't want them to be and yet we hold to them so bitterly as their being defines us. I remember...

Well I remember a time when this song was just a song that L and I used to sing to in the tiny hall between our two rooms. L and I both single all those years ago used to for some bizarre reason say that this song would be our break up song. L moved on and married and I moved on and engaged, unengaged and unsuccessfully for many reasons dated a man that his roommate calls juvenile - a 31 year old man being called juvenile. He's caught in the fractured memory of loves gone wrong of loves where the memory has been come better than the reality, so much so that there is an increased desire for the reality. He wants her back, she's not his to take, but her hold is strong. It seems that looking at the men who have come through my life - there are always these women, I know that I in many respects is that woman for CEF oddly enough. The one or two women who fracture a man's desire for maturity, commitment and forward growth.... but we lost the trail.. the trail is this, a song that in many way captures everything in either lyrics or beauty of the movement...

**The title is a line from a song that's been rolling around in my head, - "I'm better as a memory than as your man" I think that sums up AB well