I woke up from one of many long and deep naps I've had this weekend without the aid of Gravol, and I have to say apparently my body really needs its sleep... but anyways while I get to enjoy the expanse of sheets and fluffy duvet alone, a song popped into my mind. Earlier today I was lamenting my inability to study during this extended comatose-ness to my parental unit. That I can forgive myself for, slacking off in the wake of all this not really.... Maybe that's why I am prepared to loose my attachment to AB. Maybe it's the Gemini in me or maybe it's a survival technique, or maybe my grief and shame are able to birth him out of my dreams, my breaths, out of my veins and into something for a creative writing project. I guess what I am saying is in this weakness of body and mind I am being reminded of the strength of a presence and the direction for my life and honestly it is away from AB. Whether that is forever or a time that is not for me to decide.There is a quote from Ann Lamott to the side of my bed about perfectionism being the voice of the oppressor and every thing starts with a shitty first draft - even studying does. So I'm going to "burn the ships" yes I am aware that is a famous line Cortes said, but it's also a line from that song I mentioned... and get on with the getting on. Sure we can all look lustfully at the horizon. But even in those moments I need to remind myself of the horizon on the other side, the one where the sun rises.
Time to get out of bed, for a few hours at least.
Photo:http://www.flickr.com/photos/21186938@N07/2144850424/
"It comes down to a simple voice...get busy livin' or get busy dyin'."
ReplyDeleteThe pessimist in me would love to say in this moment that living is the same as dying, it's just about what half of the glass you're looking at but I know what you are getting at - and living it is - but first we get to the business of sleep - I am ludicrously tired.
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