So....

I think I and we (singles) like to believe that marriage and all that jazz is just part of the puzzle, and maybe it is, or maybe it's the icing on the cake (so it's hard finding the right metaphor). It isn't the thing/act/ring/dress that is going to complete us, make right all that is emotionally, spiritually and physically awry with us... nor is it going to make your future any clearer, because if it's a big fog right now, someones input whether well meaning or not is not going to make it any clearer.

While J insists her brain is still in love with NYC and her heart or maybe her entire spiritual entity is still in NYC, I don't know but mine couldn't stay, maybe because as much as I would like to do graduate school, I don't have that luxury of such a decision, I haven't given myself a whole lot of future glancing luxury these days. Why? Well the complex and the simple. The simple is I have a whole 2 semesters before I need to worry about applications and all that - and while they are on the agenda, I'm in no position to start filling them out. But really the issue is so much more complex - I have to stay present, planning my future at the expense of my present has been my coping mechanism for years, it had to be, I had to believe that somewhere, at sometime, life would change, it would be freer, fuller and well fun. Sooo while I deal with all that is present I know that my future needs to remain just that a future being formed by my acts in the present, and it's not the other way around, my future acts don't change my current situation...