Ode to My Third Crackberry

I am likely running around like I would in a half price Louboutin sale today: packing, running, commuting, working, commuting, dinnering with AB's roommate/retrieving still missing items/avoiding AB lest I do something I will but won't regret..., packing illegal items for travel past security (danish dough), and sleeping (very briefly) before starting it all over again tomorrow... I must discuss my Crackberry. I love it and it hates me. I am on my third. My first one loved me and I him, until October, then he decided to quit me when I didn't quit AB... hmmm interesting. The replacement quit me while I was travelling for the race and after crying on the phone with tech support for the millionth time I have been blessed with a new baby that so far (3 hours into said ownership) has been good....

However it has no numbers... when I changed SIN's as a requirement before they would give me my third phone they were suppose to transfer over my numbers too... alas they didn't and so I am without my numbers. Now you would think this wouldn't be an issue, just throw my number up on FB and it would all be wonderful. Well see here is the deal. I bought a Crackberry, changed my billing account and number because of CEF. My number is a very closely guarded secret, no one who doesn't know about CEF and sworn to hold the number until the day I change it is allowed to have it... so now here I am no numbers and a phone that works... Merry Christmas to me... actually I know it will be lovely with or without the phone since it will be full of fun kitchen times with Ms. J and lots and lots of booze (Bring on the Baileys!), my falling apart AE jeans and my Lulu hoodie time, to relax finally before employing my hockey playing skills on the girls at the Nike outlet on Boxing Day - hands off the capris.

Single...

I realized as I crossed the finish line this weekend and more recently as I was trying to figure out who to take to my office Christmas party (still looking for a date - free food and booze). AB is playing the maybe game about the party, and MW is too wilderness boy for the party... I would consider OM if he wasn't well, creepy...

So here's the deal I am not happy with my options. I mean in theory I would be happy with AB if he stopped acting the fool. MW is funny and a good friend and a strategic friend given his job, but in the end I don't think we can gel so that traveling with me to races and living in the city would work... so I am going to be moving forward single? I guess so. I am going to be looking for travel friends in the future - there is a race in DC in March...

I guess what I'm getting at as jet lag is doing bad things to my brain is this whole relationship thing is proving itself useless at this point. Back to that whole happy and single thing...

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hansme/3644160738/

So....

I think I and we (singles) like to believe that marriage and all that jazz is just part of the puzzle, and maybe it is, or maybe it's the icing on the cake (so it's hard finding the right metaphor). It isn't the thing/act/ring/dress that is going to complete us, make right all that is emotionally, spiritually and physically awry with us... nor is it going to make your future any clearer, because if it's a big fog right now, someones input whether well meaning or not is not going to make it any clearer.

While J insists her brain is still in love with NYC and her heart or maybe her entire spiritual entity is still in NYC, I don't know but mine couldn't stay, maybe because as much as I would like to do graduate school, I don't have that luxury of such a decision, I haven't given myself a whole lot of future glancing luxury these days. Why? Well the complex and the simple. The simple is I have a whole 2 semesters before I need to worry about applications and all that - and while they are on the agenda, I'm in no position to start filling them out. But really the issue is so much more complex - I have to stay present, planning my future at the expense of my present has been my coping mechanism for years, it had to be, I had to believe that somewhere, at sometime, life would change, it would be freer, fuller and well fun. Sooo while I deal with all that is present I know that my future needs to remain just that a future being formed by my acts in the present, and it's not the other way around, my future acts don't change my current situation...