So here are the facts - we had a mediocre date date, but it wasn't that, so was it a good friend date - on comparisons I would say it had a heavy dose of AWKWARD - I mean did we think it would be anything but - it's like an interview for an undefined job - the position may or may not be open and criteria are sketchy at best.
Dear OM (or new nickname - tbd),
Saturday was great, vegan waffles (which you should totally have taken credit for choosing - serious you missed big brownie points), coffee, cherry blossoms, spring rain and everything that could have been swooningly romantic. And yet despite the fact that I felt like I verbal diaherria and was apparently speachless post "date" when I called to give an update to my eagerly awaiting friends. I wonder what happened? I guess maybe I should try a less literary approach.
What I know:
1.I know that you are just coming off a relationship.
2.I know that you have expressed that you do not wish this to be a rebound.
3.I know that these things - rebound periods are ill defined - for some there is a set grieving period, for others it depends on the context of the previous relationship. In your case I don't need to know details, time frames or anything like that.
What I want you to know:
1. You get to decide where this goes - so based on the previous statement since you are the person on the rebound, you get to say Go, and the whole if and when of Go is for you to determine and lead the way.
2. I am going to give you the space to feel like you can come to decision apart from my influence.
3. I am still interested in seeing if we can get over some of awkward parts of Saturday which I am going to attribute to clash of the definition of the activity and some of the emotions involved.
4. Yes I was engaged -scary huh, that ended a long time ago and we could hash through all that now, but I guess I'm just going to leave it at that, it was a mistake, I have no issue taking responsibilities for my mistakes be them small like choosing the wrong shoes for an event, to choosing the very wrong person to get engaged to.
Lastly this where you let me know whatever you want:
Thanks, S&P
wow dude. so much of that is stuff you do not need to be the one to say. you SHOULD not be the one to say it. Your life is your life - a little mystery never hurt and if it freaks him out that you were engaged and HE'S the one "un-dating" you because he's sorta-not-with someone, then GAWD he's a loser.
ReplyDeleteSeriously. Don't be toyed with here. Don't throw yourself back at someone just because he looks good bald and has nice eyes. and a nice smile. Damn. FOCUS. He is major-league flaky and until he proves himself otherwise, take him with a grain of salt. There is nothing about an un-date that suggests a kiss so just wipe that out of your brain. Wouldn't you much rather it actually mean something than to be given a token "I'm a handsy physically affectionate guy to everyone I know" sort of kiss that leaves you wondering what it meant?
Do you want him to write you back with more "I sorta like you but don't know what I want yet" garbage, or do you want him to appreciate you from afar until his feelings boil up and he actually (GASP) must act to change things so he CAN be with you?
Yeah, maybe there will come a time when one of the guys I admire actually likes me back, and I'll feel the same way, like it doesn't matter how/when/what they say, as long as they acknowledge my presence and our relationship... but for now as the "sober second thought" friend, I have no patience for the whole beat him to the punch approach. If he likes you, let him tell you. You made the first move and now its his turn to take a risk.
Boys, is it too much to ask for a little movement on your part once in awhile? a wee acknowledgement that you play a role in this whole "takes two to tango" thing?
Okay for the record the email I sent was the following: "I agree, it was nice to get to know you better on Saturday, if you want to do it again, I leave that to you to decide given your circumstances."
ReplyDeleteAnd second this is why you should be the one writing the book - or maybe the two of us together - me the happless one and you the one with the head on straight, and the ability to talk the crazy out of the girl. I completely agree that he should be one the one clarifying how he feels. And while he's off figuring that out I am begining to hope someone beats him to the punch - it's got to be simpler than this, no?
It will be. We just have to make sure that we don't get sidetracked by mr. confusing when Mr. Right is ringing the doorbell.
ReplyDeleteAnd right about now I'm looking at my watch. I'm all for casual but my Mr. right is seriously tardy...