I have grey hair. Good lord since when? It seems I've been slacking in the hair maintenance department, primarily because I can't decide what to do... see here's the thing, I had waist length hair at one time in my life, I donned a wig this weekend for my Katara costume with a hairstyle identical to my preteen style - minus the loopies... it made me feel oddly nostalgic. Why is the hair issue important? Well other than yes I do have to address those greys, it is the tip of the decision iceberg...
I read the Economist religiously. Shocking, I know. Don't worry I read Women's Health and Runner's World with the same voracity, I think they balance each other out, like my purchasing of Diaspora research and stilettos on my NYC trip. All about balance... I digress.
My issue is every time I read through the E, I am reminded that I need to get my academic act together to get myself out of the level I am in. I am almost finished a second degree (it's useless) - so I checked out the program that appeals to me... it's in Europe, it's 35,000+ E a year (including living expenses) for two years plus a thesis and practicum... err that's a little pricey (for me) to be trained to manage an NGO (ie. a lower paying job with higher ethics...) Decisions like these are bigger issues - like I said to HSBFF's dad, law school (to do International Trade Law ie. WTO) at this point means me giving up having a family... the above mentioned degree more of less indicates that I'm willing to make the same choice, and for some reason I'm not sure I want to. We've been raised to believe we can have it all, but as a child who raised and provided for herself and her brother in the absence of parental units, I know you can't, crazy I know.
Oddly I feel really torn about the whole thing - I want kids damn it, not that the world wants me to, god knows they likely won't want me, but right now it doesn't seem like an option unless I go solo in my old age... and to add to all my emotional frustrations AB is chirping about me finding Mr. Perfect. Perfect hole in my head I seem to be able to find, but Mr. Perfect, he doesn't exist, right now I'm going for Mr. Not a Criminal, I am actually straight, faithful and will be a good dad, and you don't make me cringe - anything beyond that is icing... like the fireworks and all that - got that once in a lifetime and look where that got me, the rest is apparently WAY more important to get in line.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Your opinion is always desired... so speak up.