There Is Some Tom Foolery Happening a Few Time Zones Over

Okay so I have decided to leave Directory Boy alone for one reason and one reason alone - he's sneaking around.  His main harem lady has been posting and deleting FB statuses from his home town - and now I know that sounds like I'm stalking - I'm seriously not - this is the one time the FB feed is doing the hard work for me.  I was not particularly surprised to see she had gone home with him since her family is far far away and he has a big clan so why not collect up a hot lost soul during the Christmas break, BUT deleting your FB and playing coy when the discussion of where you are is coming up as we're all trying to come up with NYE plans (I've since decided to stay home or make some money).  Sorry but we're adults - every last one of us signed up for that when we left high school - and these too both have professional degrees to boot.  So what's with the sneaky sneaky?  I mean when you're attached at the hip in class and everyone already thinks you're dating wouldn't you - one clear the air or two just make it public get a cute picture of the two of you walking the dog - I mean you felt you could say that on FB for all of 5 minutes, so who has the cold feet?

Either he is being a tool and being all coy or he is a fool and she's playing him for all she can get - which if we're being honest here ain't much - there are no benefits to be had unless these two are looking for a quick exit from the program - never mind from what he is hunting for via his FB messages to me - I know he likely considers me the loose and wild kind of woman - you can stop snickering JS at the idea of me being a wild/loose woman. I didn't say the boy was sane, just that he's hot.

Oh one more note before I lay this to rest - I did a little Googling on the DirectoryBoy seems he's pretty settled where he was before - which actually in and of itself completely crosses him off the list - I am not going through any long distance business again - X was worth it, this guy is not.

Harems

After meeting with JS last weekend to catch up, I decided that I needed to add Delivery Boy's main groupie.  It's funny adding people on FB who in "real life" will not acknowledge you - I frankly do not understand it.   After a group study event last night I realized that Delivery Boy has more than just one very protective groupie, he has a harem, or maybe more accurately a protection detail, because as much as they dote on him they're vicious to any "outside female."  Now let's review - we are all adults, this is not high school.  So going and getting your knickers in a knot if I talk to a man who is not yours -and quite frankly even if he was, it shouldn't mean that he is no longer permitted to be civil to his female peers.


So let's review here shall we - Directory Boy is a 32 y.o. man with a good education and he yet he's got a harem going on - it makes me seriously wonder about his security level - there is something going on.  I don't know what it is right now - I will keep you up to date.  Now to finish my paper.

Love Me For Me

Directory boy and I have still been messaging - but every time I send a message,  I remember that this song reflects my life - there are those who stay and there are those who run.   And while I have been very intentional in keeping my personal story for face to face conversation.   I am reminded that X loves me regardless of me and my story- and I know that if we aren't meant to be in the grand scheme of things, the thing I question more than all that is if I am prepared to go through the process again of walking someone through loving me.  I almost feel like instead of this blog I need to start writing a book on how to love someone who has been broken by life. All our stories are unique but there are definitely some days where I just want to say to everyone - man and woman - yes I have dark uglies in my life, but they have names (abuse, rape, mental illness) and they know their place (submission - they don't control my life) - so what's it to you - why does it mean you can't like me or love me?  All of the things that have broken me did not happen to you - they are not yours to carry - so if you liked me or loved me before you knew why have you stopped?

I may just have found my book topic after all these years - wow was not expecting to stumble across it while studying for my OT final - I wonder if that means I need to give my prof credit.

Sweet Mother of Baby Jebus

Directory Boy it turns out is my Mr. Perfect on Paper in flesh.  Now before y'all get upset - let me explain. Back in high school and well my undergrad - I had this mental list of MR. OMG HE'S PERFECT (squeeee!!) - the man of my dreams if I could assemble him, who quite frankly for everyone's sake, especially mine, should never become flesh.  Last night I found out that Directory Boy was/is my list man - kind of makes him unattractive now.

Hold up! Say what?!

Well here is the thing - aside from the apparent sureness of him being off the market - I don't know if I can wrap my brain around there being that person - because it comes with baggage.  The kind labelled with false expectations.  All the perfect ginger doctor hair in the world will never actually be perfect.   I am aware this all sort of sounds like a mash up of bipolar and pessimistic rantings - but such as they are - it is not to say that when I went to sleep last night I wasn't giggling.  I was, about how this is not what I expected - kind of funny wishing you could have a chat with your younger self and wondering if the list could have been longer or weirder just to avoid this moment - who would have thought -MR. OMG HE'S PERFECT wouldn't be so perfect in reality. 

Two Weeks Left

I have two weeks left in my first semester at graduate school  and so I've decided to shelve Directory Boy.  See I have two problems  - one I still love X and feel very attached to him though yes I know that because of the way things are that I need to still love him but move on with my life and the second is DBoy and I do not have the same group of friends - funny as that may sound given how small our program is.  We all know and speak to each other but due to our classes and study groups DBoy and I do not "run in the same circles" as such our daily interaction comes down to a "Hey."  As enthusiastic as it might be - it's just a hey and then we go our separate ways.  So basically if either of us wants more than a hey we have to make it work.  Good in theory - put his feet to the flame - but it also comes with serious complications of such a small program - to go out of your way to get to know someone will make waves and potentially put you in a situation where you just wanted to be friends and now everyone thinks it's a big deal - let's start planning your life - kind of big deal.


Oh well - how about we consider the following:

Oh for F-Sake

I swore I would never be that girl - never really have been in the last 3 years or honestly since high school - the avoider.  Sure I might be able to crush Directory Boy in a heartbeat but he's obviously got some kind of temporary kryptonite hold on me.  You know what - that makes me angry, frustrated and not in the good kind of way - well maybe in that way too.  It made me jealous today.  Good grief - the world is officially coming to an end.  I have really lost my sh*t.  Sorry folks - but I feel that if I document this, when I am drooling over myself in medical facility at least you will know that graduate school brought me to the brink and Directory Boy pushed me over.

While not an entirely accurate song - I do like it and it sort of works, I think - the L word though definitely doesn't apply.

I May Have Shamelessly Offered My Cooking to Directory Boy

Okay so housekeeping first - Directory Boy needs a better initial set up because DB is already taken on the list.  So just a note, so it doesn't confuse y'all we'll call him by his full name for now.

So while we might cross off him off the list of potentials - and I'm fine with that - I must admit that I did offer him some home cooking.  We just happen to be from the same randomly small ethnic group - and it has some unique-ish food.   I was a little reluctant at first to throw it out there - but I did.  So who knows.  But yep, I've become the woman who shamelessly whores out her cooking in the hopes of snagging a man.  Heck what else can I do, it's not really a program where I can just roll up my kilt, like I could in high school... not that I did that either, kind of smacks of desperation.  Ah who am I kidding offering out non-beet borscht also sort of smacks of that too, without the necessary leg shaving.

Cross off Directory Boy

BFF wants to keep him on the list - but I am going to be really practical here - he just went surfing on the island with two tall thin athletic gorgeous women.  I would never in a million years try to compete with them.  Hold on I'm not saying I'm chopped liver (seriously stuff kind of tastes okay in pate form), I am me - fabulous but shorter, curvy and athletic.  I'm also realizing not to sell myself as brash, but I'm probably one of the most "worldly" of my graduate school counterparts - I'm not as I stand packaged - or ever will be for that matter, suitable for meekness.  I am more the girl who you avoid getting liquor into because after more than a decade in the health care industry there is no such thing as that's "too personal" for me or the person I'm asking.  Yes I'm trying to change that - but being honest - I think the world needs more people who are okay with their bodies and their crazy lives.   For example, it seems people still get squeamish when I say my parents are divorced.  Divorce happens for a variety of reasons.  My parents are the kind of divorced people who don't like each other - but still think Christmas together is worth a go.  Yes because Christmas when you were married was so bloody successful.   I hope you all see know why it took the last 3 years of no holidays with family to not be a crunchy old fart when this season rolled around.

So bottom line - I have a NLLL load of stuff to do - and I am going to start with re-watching The Silence of the Lambs and before you ask it's for my film class.  I figure if I watch it in the morning, Rachel Getting Married about lunch time and the Philadelphia before bed - crying myself to sleep might actually be therapeutic.  Why I picked a director with such emotional movies for me I have no idea. Seriously I should have picked John Hughes.

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/davescunningplan/2681546397/lightbox/

Blog Boys

AB aka:ABWLHSTDTAAP (Artistic Boy Who Lost His Shot To Date This Apparently "Amazing" Person...) - LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP
AL aka: BWCTBISOA (Boy who claims to be in search of Ariele) Ariele Lover for short... no? SINGLE
BB: Barista Boy or Slow it on down there, don't chase me I have bad Grade 2 memories I haven't addressed in regards to that....  MARRIED, ALREADY DIVORCED and TRYING THE SAME WAGON AGAIN...OY VAY
Belgian Boy: An accent to make you weak in the knees and a heart as warm.
BIaka: BIWHMBHWTMK (Boy I would have married but he wasn't the marrying kind) ENGAGED/LT
Mr. Brilliant: Awkward non-date and little else to describe our friendship. He's too like me in all the ways I don't like me to be a suitable match. DATING
BV aka: BVHMAOMP (Boy V has met at OM's party)
CEF: Crazy Ex Fiance
CW: Co-Worker since *giggle* is an appropriate description - social justice minded, thesis writing, funny guy
Date* - Includes all the forms of possible dates - friend, pseudo or the real thing
DB aka: DBWCPAMHOR (Drummer Boy Who Can Play A Mean Hand of Rook) - On paper he is all that I should want and ever need. I've known him since I was a child and he has always had this inexplicable pull for me. GIRLFRIEND? Regardless, no longer interested
DirectoryBoy: Fellow student with some weird views on women. Let's just say that's a ship that I torpedoed.
Mr. Not So Grumpy Anymore (Formerly known as the Douche):Moping, always sullen fellow student, questionable possible dating material DATING (thus the non-grumble status)
IT: Intentional Typo
Lawyer Guy: The name says it all - he's a lawyer, he's a guy and he is my EX-boyfriend and is now referred to a NLLL-Ex-Boyfriend or NB
MW aka: MWBTTCGCH (More wilderness boy than this city girl can handle) - Tangoed with that oh so briefly.  DATING
NLLL: Non-ladylike language
NN aka: NNBFMCD - New Neighbour Boy From My Chemistry Days MARRIED
OM: short for many options MARRIED
RB: aka Runner Boy - the sort of dater, sort of single one and definitely not sort of an option.- MARRIED
WTD:What the Duck - my Blackberry's overused phrase as of late...
X:Mr. International Man of Mystery and absolutely lovely to boot.

Last Updated: September 20, 2013