I watched Ms. J get married yesterday to an awesome man - seriously awesome and it was full of joy and hope and all the other amazing things and in a small way it did hurt my heart and yet thankfully it didn't really - the joy was a blessed covering over it all. However, once the party ended the real work, the real work of getting into the rough part of the break up had to begin. And so I started my steps.
Step 1 - Sweat the bastard out of my pores on a dark dance floor, in the company of safe people. My toes are brutalized but that was absolutely necessary.
Step 2 - Be awkward. I am fully, maybe too much so, okay with making others awkward as I am awkward. I will take a conversation to that point etc and I am happy to be awkward in my love and devotion. I'm also apparently down with making myself terrified for a moment while being that possibly cruel person sitting on the fringes of LG's life (this morning literally in church) and poking every so often is a hey NLLL'er, remember me, I'm not going to fade away, I'm going to make you, when I'm damn ready look at me, know me and know that you didn't break me but that you also were an asshole to me - maybe those words you said will ring in your ears like they do mine. On that note I will likely not continue attending, it took too much work to make him disappear from my line of sight while knowing he could see me. I am happy with being a nagging presence on my own terms, I don't need him getting any stealth cornering moves up and yes if you're wondering I was calculated enough to leave his keys at home. I am handing those back on MY terms
Step 3. Stock up your house-sitting with good soul nurturing food and some bad stuff - help ride the waves AND FLOWERS.
Step 4. Being affirmed in the blessed company of amazing new friends and an old one and have the words of affirmation from a female pastor, reminding me that in my Mennonite and social justice ways I am not a heretic for affirming that we must consider socio-economic (and race) issues in violence/war, birth control/family planning and just shalom. Shit is real peeps, and being a white Canadian middle class educated woman means I don't really know how real the shit is but I'm under so illusion that it smells nice, that's for sure.
Step 5. Go to sleep, knowing that AE (and KAB by proxy) will be present to support and love through the possibly brutal process of handing back the keys.
Showing posts with label highroad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label highroad. Show all posts
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Wednesday, April 03, 2013
It's a Mystery
Could someone explain to me why when I am finally convincing myself that I am happy with community and being single that the Douche decides to be friendly never mind another classmate who I do not know well enough is acting continuously friendly past the point I'm comfortable with for single men.*
I want to be friendly. I don't want to be a frosty b*tch, but it seems I cannot figure out how to be friendly without having to worry about any of my single male classmates getting any ideas about how I feel about dating, or dating specifically them. I am happy in my single woman bubble, especially when it comes to matters related to the Douche. Seriously dude I want to go back to you and me awkwardly glaring at each other in the hall rather than discussing how our semester is going and saying good morning like we can relate to each other.
As for the other guy, he's sweet, but I'm positive he's a lot younger than me, though his FB comments seem to put that into question. Though the big issue I have with him is I discovered via FB recon that he's possibly a closet misogynist. Let me explain, he is part of a men's group that has very specific opinions about men and women - such opinions that led me to the following expression when I stumbled upon pictures of his group together from the fall:
So there you have it universe - I would appreciate if you could go back to normal - where men ignore me and I have a sense of peace in these last few weeks of school. While we're at it just extend that behaviour into the next few years while you're at it.
* Have no problem getting chatty with the married men in my classes because I know exactly where they stand and vice versa - boys who are unattached getting chatty always put me on edge unless I know where they stand like Mr. Awkward Date.
I want to be friendly. I don't want to be a frosty b*tch, but it seems I cannot figure out how to be friendly without having to worry about any of my single male classmates getting any ideas about how I feel about dating, or dating specifically them. I am happy in my single woman bubble, especially when it comes to matters related to the Douche. Seriously dude I want to go back to you and me awkwardly glaring at each other in the hall rather than discussing how our semester is going and saying good morning like we can relate to each other.
As for the other guy, he's sweet, but I'm positive he's a lot younger than me, though his FB comments seem to put that into question. Though the big issue I have with him is I discovered via FB recon that he's possibly a closet misogynist. Let me explain, he is part of a men's group that has very specific opinions about men and women - such opinions that led me to the following expression when I stumbled upon pictures of his group together from the fall:
So there you have it universe - I would appreciate if you could go back to normal - where men ignore me and I have a sense of peace in these last few weeks of school. While we're at it just extend that behaviour into the next few years while you're at it.
* Have no problem getting chatty with the married men in my classes because I know exactly where they stand and vice versa - boys who are unattached getting chatty always put me on edge unless I know where they stand like Mr. Awkward Date.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Dating, shmating...
I have decided that I have zero sound judgment left when it comes to dating, hell I've been considering asking out the Douche. To even consider is evidence enough that while I'm not in the active dating circuit (as evidenced by my lack of dates), I best not enter it any time soon.
That being said, I am aware that I have lost my sound judgment, I also feel like this is where I will have to start when I restart the looking process.
I am also tempted to say that I might consider another dating site in the future, a paid one this time in the hopes of ensuring that as I agree with Ms. Amy that I do not end up the dregs in the pool again. So there you have it, in the season of mistletoe and booze, I'm pulling myself out of the line-up.
That being said, I am aware that I have lost my sound judgment, I also feel like this is where I will have to start when I restart the looking process.
I am also tempted to say that I might consider another dating site in the future, a paid one this time in the hopes of ensuring that as I agree with Ms. Amy that I do not end up the dregs in the pool again. So there you have it, in the season of mistletoe and booze, I'm pulling myself out of the line-up.
Wednesday, November 07, 2012
Questions You Don't Want My Opinion About...But
Our student newspaper published an article about dating and for the most part it was accurate in that it addressed a few of the issues facing the students, especially the female students, such as the small environment makes everything a fish bowl, second religious men are not skilled at just asking a girl out and conversely religious women often don't know where they stand in all this business, so here is my response - though I doubt I'll go so far as to actually publish it. Now where to start.
I have blogged about dating for the last 3 or so years of my life and I've come to this very unscientific conclusion that we, Christians, do not know how to date. We think we know how to date, but that "dating" more often is just a manifestation of having to do something about the seemingly exclusive behaviour of two individuals of the opposite sex. We like to fall into relationships often without sexual chemistry, getting to know the person and or even an awareness of relationship compatibility. A friendship and a relationship are not the same thing. Another thing that is not the same, dating and relationships. They are not synonymous although dating usually leads into a relationship. On the topic of dating, a date is a time where two people agree to spend time together with the understanding of wanting to get to know each other. And quite frankly I think we're all terrified to just date as if dating several people would leave others to believe we're scandalous in some degree or another. While I am aware most of us have been raised on the belief we should date for marriage, which I agree with in that you shouldn't be wasting your time or theirs if you wouldn't get married. But this does not mean you should sit on your hands waiting for your ideal to walk by and then give dating one shot, hoping it sticks this one and only time. And yes this does work for some, but for the vast majority of us, it has not and will not. As such we need to change our idea of what dating is.
Which leads me to my first issue with dating and relationships:
Definitions. In our fear of dating we have come to fear calling actions what they are.
A date is only a date when it is called a date. That being said a date is just a date, it is not an agreement for a second date, a relationship, an engagement or marriage. It is just a date.
"Hanging out" is not a date. A time where we hang out and I have to buy my own coffee, dinner and movie ticket while it looks like a date is not a date, especially not when you offer me a limp side hug at the end.*
Dating is a series of dates, a relationship is when that series of dates leads to a discussion of exclusivity. A relationship is not an engagement until there is a ring, yes ladies, he may be perfect but you cannot start planning that wedding until he actually asks you.
Yes or No, no Maybe, despite what Carly Rae Jepsen says:
This applies to all stages of definition. If you say yes to a date then follow through, do not suggest maybe we can go get coffee sometime if I see you on campus again, because in reality that's just a no and we both know it. If you say no there should be no drama, from both parties, and I say this to women especially. Move on, vent to a friend, go have a drink of milk or vodka or both together with a little Kahlua in there too, but leave it off Twitter and FB.
Definitions are great when they apply to your actions but lousy when you think they apply to your future spouse. Your spouse is not a walking check list. The fastest way to break yourself of this is to date. My early 20's self thought I knew exactly what I wanted and needed and I can say from the last few years of intentionally dating I quickly learned what I actually wanted and what I find as insufferable. Lastly on this topic, men, especially the ones who are in family mode, you are looking for a life partner, not an incubator for your future children. There is a difference and your actions will give you away quickly if she's really nothing more than piece in your puzzle.
Lastly not all failed dates and relationships are tragic, some have gone on to become amazing friends. We were able to realize that while we didn't have the chemistry for a relationship, we had a lot in common and that would have not been known without the date.
*Yes it happened and it's worse than this
I would also love to just publish this one but given the wonders of Google, I would lose my secret identity... and that's not okay.
I have blogged about dating for the last 3 or so years of my life and I've come to this very unscientific conclusion that we, Christians, do not know how to date. We think we know how to date, but that "dating" more often is just a manifestation of having to do something about the seemingly exclusive behaviour of two individuals of the opposite sex. We like to fall into relationships often without sexual chemistry, getting to know the person and or even an awareness of relationship compatibility. A friendship and a relationship are not the same thing. Another thing that is not the same, dating and relationships. They are not synonymous although dating usually leads into a relationship. On the topic of dating, a date is a time where two people agree to spend time together with the understanding of wanting to get to know each other. And quite frankly I think we're all terrified to just date as if dating several people would leave others to believe we're scandalous in some degree or another. While I am aware most of us have been raised on the belief we should date for marriage, which I agree with in that you shouldn't be wasting your time or theirs if you wouldn't get married. But this does not mean you should sit on your hands waiting for your ideal to walk by and then give dating one shot, hoping it sticks this one and only time. And yes this does work for some, but for the vast majority of us, it has not and will not. As such we need to change our idea of what dating is.
Which leads me to my first issue with dating and relationships:
Definitions. In our fear of dating we have come to fear calling actions what they are.
A date is only a date when it is called a date. That being said a date is just a date, it is not an agreement for a second date, a relationship, an engagement or marriage. It is just a date.
"Hanging out" is not a date. A time where we hang out and I have to buy my own coffee, dinner and movie ticket while it looks like a date is not a date, especially not when you offer me a limp side hug at the end.*
Dating is a series of dates, a relationship is when that series of dates leads to a discussion of exclusivity. A relationship is not an engagement until there is a ring, yes ladies, he may be perfect but you cannot start planning that wedding until he actually asks you.
Yes or No, no Maybe, despite what Carly Rae Jepsen says:
This applies to all stages of definition. If you say yes to a date then follow through, do not suggest maybe we can go get coffee sometime if I see you on campus again, because in reality that's just a no and we both know it. If you say no there should be no drama, from both parties, and I say this to women especially. Move on, vent to a friend, go have a drink of milk or vodka or both together with a little Kahlua in there too, but leave it off Twitter and FB.
Definitions are great when they apply to your actions but lousy when you think they apply to your future spouse. Your spouse is not a walking check list. The fastest way to break yourself of this is to date. My early 20's self thought I knew exactly what I wanted and needed and I can say from the last few years of intentionally dating I quickly learned what I actually wanted and what I find as insufferable. Lastly on this topic, men, especially the ones who are in family mode, you are looking for a life partner, not an incubator for your future children. There is a difference and your actions will give you away quickly if she's really nothing more than piece in your puzzle.
Lastly not all failed dates and relationships are tragic, some have gone on to become amazing friends. We were able to realize that while we didn't have the chemistry for a relationship, we had a lot in common and that would have not been known without the date.
*Yes it happened and it's worse than this
I would also love to just publish this one but given the wonders of Google, I would lose my secret identity... and that's not okay.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
The Week That Was...
So my first "real" week of graduate school has passed and I have little to show for it other than the insane mountain of homework I seriously need to get to... but since that is not the point of this week I feel like I should up date you on all the bizarre, quirky and lovely things that are my life.
In the awesome camp - I went to the aquarium yesterday for like the first time in a decade or longer and it was fun, to be honest I probably got more out of it than the cute little one I was with.
Beyond that it quickly dissolves in to the realities of life...
First class with in the first 5 minutes my prof (who I do have a soft spot for) makes a crack about this is the one class noted for getting everyone matched up and married off... there are groans and heads turning - it's the regulars for the most part so we know that doesn't offer and prospects. BUT of course the douche is behind me and makes a crack about all those who looked around being interested.
Yes, sir, I think even the most apathetic about dating at the moment, like myself, had a look around not necessarily for myself because that's dead and gone but to see who is in the class, and who might be some of the pairings. HSBFF has suggested that he either needs to get laid (which is not really an option for any of us non-married folks) or I should date him, maybe I could cheer him up. Okay, he's like a mean Eeyore - there is no amount of caffeinated rainbow sunshine coming from me that is going to change that. Though don't think my definitely not better nature thought I could flirt with him to spite him. Problem is the rest of the campus will be witness to that and I am sure many then would be questioning my mental health.
On the discussion of my mental health, this week during one of my other classes the professor asked us to give one thing that will make us memorable to our classmates. I picked my birth town which is unique amongst these parts instead of the other two options in my head - 1. permanently attached to caffeine and 2. PINK which really should be heard in your mind as the following @1:25:
Back to the issue of men - BelgiumBoy while sweet and awesome for someone else but I know he's not the right one for me and I have no sadness with acknowledging that. RB feels clingy to me which either means I liked him longer than I was willing to admit and this was our "normal" relationship which we've apparently returned to because I feel we are together more than I feel is normal, or he's actually clingy, which honestly I REALLY hope is not the case. That ship has sailed far far away from that dock.
In the awesome camp - I went to the aquarium yesterday for like the first time in a decade or longer and it was fun, to be honest I probably got more out of it than the cute little one I was with.
Beyond that it quickly dissolves in to the realities of life...
First class with in the first 5 minutes my prof (who I do have a soft spot for) makes a crack about this is the one class noted for getting everyone matched up and married off... there are groans and heads turning - it's the regulars for the most part so we know that doesn't offer and prospects. BUT of course the douche is behind me and makes a crack about all those who looked around being interested.
Yes, sir, I think even the most apathetic about dating at the moment, like myself, had a look around not necessarily for myself because that's dead and gone but to see who is in the class, and who might be some of the pairings. HSBFF has suggested that he either needs to get laid (which is not really an option for any of us non-married folks) or I should date him, maybe I could cheer him up. Okay, he's like a mean Eeyore - there is no amount of caffeinated rainbow sunshine coming from me that is going to change that. Though don't think my definitely not better nature thought I could flirt with him to spite him. Problem is the rest of the campus will be witness to that and I am sure many then would be questioning my mental health.
On the discussion of my mental health, this week during one of my other classes the professor asked us to give one thing that will make us memorable to our classmates. I picked my birth town which is unique amongst these parts instead of the other two options in my head - 1. permanently attached to caffeine and 2. PINK which really should be heard in your mind as the following @1:25:
Back to the issue of men - BelgiumBoy while sweet and awesome for someone else but I know he's not the right one for me and I have no sadness with acknowledging that. RB feels clingy to me which either means I liked him longer than I was willing to admit and this was our "normal" relationship which we've apparently returned to because I feel we are together more than I feel is normal, or he's actually clingy, which honestly I REALLY hope is not the case. That ship has sailed far far away from that dock.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Hold Up, You WHAT?
RB and I finally talked today after he got his pep talk from his mentor... oh honey it gets better. So apparently he's been "sort of" dating someone for the better part of the year and they just broke up and he's moving on to this new girl.... "Sort of," eh? That's religious boy speak for we hung out, I got what I needed from the relationship but didn't actually commit and therefore didn't have to act like I was in a relationship.
So I call this pseudo dating. And pseudo dating is one of the hallmarks of man children. It is their calling card, the theme of their lives, the root verb of their lives (sorry Hebrew metaphor).
Furthermore IT IS NOT OKAY. It is not okay, you are in or you are out, but you are not half way or more appropriate to say NLLL hatsi*-ing it.
It was the big red flag that to me in that moment made me want to say, I don't care if you pray about this for an eternity, do not bring this up because at that time I will tell you no and likely I will tell you no with a lot of reasons attached to it that might not be so edifying or graceful.
And for y'all this is your hold up, what moment - one of my fellow Hebrew classmates has a man in mind who from her description sounds good, maybe too good, I have my doubts about men. So she's working at setting us up - which I'm leaving in his hands or theirs depending on how much she harps on it...
The biggest catch - RB and he live in the same house - the house of men that is off limits and one quite frankly I want off limits as I have no desire for some kind of discussion about me between any of these men. Not that I think men gossip the way women do but a slew of them in a house I doubt they are all prim and proper about not "kissing and telling." But at this moment the Hebrew calls, I will keep everyone informed. I PROMISE.
*Hebrewisms and the like
Random song that came in mind with the announcement of my first roommate's pregnancy - this album was on repeat while we lived together.
So I call this pseudo dating. And pseudo dating is one of the hallmarks of man children. It is their calling card, the theme of their lives, the root verb of their lives (sorry Hebrew metaphor).
Furthermore IT IS NOT OKAY. It is not okay, you are in or you are out, but you are not half way or more appropriate to say NLLL hatsi*-ing it.
It was the big red flag that to me in that moment made me want to say, I don't care if you pray about this for an eternity, do not bring this up because at that time I will tell you no and likely I will tell you no with a lot of reasons attached to it that might not be so edifying or graceful.
And for y'all this is your hold up, what moment - one of my fellow Hebrew classmates has a man in mind who from her description sounds good, maybe too good, I have my doubts about men. So she's working at setting us up - which I'm leaving in his hands or theirs depending on how much she harps on it...
The biggest catch - RB and he live in the same house - the house of men that is off limits and one quite frankly I want off limits as I have no desire for some kind of discussion about me between any of these men. Not that I think men gossip the way women do but a slew of them in a house I doubt they are all prim and proper about not "kissing and telling." But at this moment the Hebrew calls, I will keep everyone informed. I PROMISE.
*Hebrewisms and the like
Random song that came in mind with the announcement of my first roommate's pregnancy - this album was on repeat while we lived together.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
For AB-sake!*
I have just returned home from Philadelphia after a week away - returning home to rain, snow, ice and well winter. I am not overly thrilled with it - but it is here and I have to deal with it I guess.
I have a confession of sorts - while I was in Philly AB texted me. I have to say I've come to the point in our relationship/friendship where if I could there would be plates and other breakables being thrown at him in these moments. It's like he knows when I'm bemoaning his stupidity or something.
"Hey just thought of you... Sorry if it's late but just wondering how you are? :)"
Options for this statement:
1. He was drunk and "lonely" - because I just looked at the calender - the 23rd was comedy night when he goes out with his girl-frenemies (skanks I prefer to be enemies with). Oh sad little boy.
My response since I know Ms J wants to make sure I didn't have a brain malfunction while running.
"In Philly at the moment, did NYC with my dad yesterday and the race went good on Sunday, all and all going good. Hope you are doing good with work and all, we should catch up in December when I am done class."
No response from AB - for one I know December is his drinking month - how else can he stomach turning 32 and have the life he has - well that's my understanding of his drinking. So I don't have to worry about catching up. My question is when did I become his booty call? Since when was I like one of his harem. I am beginning to wonder if men have this once mine always mine to reclaim belief - I know CEF did and now AB is starting to act like it.
Oh well thought I'd keep everyone updated with this sad story - and on that note a song I think that you, TOITB will appreciate - so maybe you can get one of their songs stuck in your head and learn to hate it like I hate their really popular song who's name shall not be mentioned.
* I think you know what I mean
I have a confession of sorts - while I was in Philly AB texted me. I have to say I've come to the point in our relationship/friendship where if I could there would be plates and other breakables being thrown at him in these moments. It's like he knows when I'm bemoaning his stupidity or something.
"Hey just thought of you... Sorry if it's late but just wondering how you are? :)"
Options for this statement:
1. He was drunk and "lonely" - because I just looked at the calender - the 23rd was comedy night when he goes out with his girl-frenemies (skanks I prefer to be enemies with). Oh sad little boy.
My response since I know Ms J wants to make sure I didn't have a brain malfunction while running.
"In Philly at the moment, did NYC with my dad yesterday and the race went good on Sunday, all and all going good. Hope you are doing good with work and all, we should catch up in December when I am done class."
No response from AB - for one I know December is his drinking month - how else can he stomach turning 32 and have the life he has - well that's my understanding of his drinking. So I don't have to worry about catching up. My question is when did I become his booty call? Since when was I like one of his harem. I am beginning to wonder if men have this once mine always mine to reclaim belief - I know CEF did and now AB is starting to act like it.
Oh well thought I'd keep everyone updated with this sad story - and on that note a song I think that you, TOITB will appreciate - so maybe you can get one of their songs stuck in your head and learn to hate it like I hate their really popular song who's name shall not be mentioned.
* I think you know what I mean
Monday, June 07, 2010
On Ceaseless Repeat
I'm over you, over it, over him, over, over, over, over... right? Let's repeat that again and again and again and until I stop being suprised at your posting of pictures with your drunk ass all over women on Facebook. Stop! For the love of most I hold loosely sacred like butterscotch dipped cones from Dairy Queen. What the hell are you proving other than the high road doesn't have to be that high when the other person prefers to did their own road lower?
PS While I am going for the McPhee hair, I will say that I would smack myself upside the head nevermind Ms. J would likely tackle me if I considered shooting a video of myself to some how prove any boy he was missing out... dude no.
PS While I am going for the McPhee hair, I will say that I would smack myself upside the head nevermind Ms. J would likely tackle me if I considered shooting a video of myself to some how prove any boy he was missing out... dude no.
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