So I am beginning to see why my roommate had such a struggle with eHarmony. Yes the first day I did manage to get a few matches - one of whom I would consider a date with - beyond that it seems from my matches that I seriously over corrected from the narcissists that I found in January to the current situation of men who seem determined to evangelize me in their profiles.. sweet baby jebus. I find myself recoiling often at the content of the profiles, and not as usual the spelling mistakes and there are "alot". I am signing up for the shortest, basic option, so there will be time, this isn't a race to any finish line, it is however rather frustrating. I find myself once again realizing that as Ms. J put it "I'm really interested to see who it is that reels you in so to speak... you are a feisty filly (woah mixed metaphors, batman)." I get that, mixed metaphors and all and I'm not even touching on my previous live experiences or that many of these sweet men, well into their 30's many not take kindly at my life choices etc. - not that I care. I constantly feel trapped between those with more conservative or traditional faith perspectives and the liberal, almost or both feet out the faith door perspectives (which are legitimate, I'm not saying they are wrong).
Pausing for a second, consider this: one of today's matches indicated on his profile he has turned to Henry Cloud's book on dating - so I googled it (hey if you're going to indicate you're turning to self help books at 45 for dating let's see what it is), and it wasn't horrible (total shocker), not that I plan on purchasing it or listening more than the 5 minutes I did on Youtube - he basically argued that your life choices determine the people who you are most likely to meet an those you will be compatible with and in dating you need to be picking from those people because dates, in theory, can lead to marriage.
So, by "picking" or being "called" (both words I take issue with) to my future profession, I have eliminate a huge swath of men, a huge swath that would be eliminated for a whole host of other reasons to be clear. And then from there the next and probably largest swath (per eHarmony representation) is the suburb, nice car and lots of travel contingent. All are nice things - but this is where X and had some pretty lengthy discussions and I realized that I could settle for these things but I didn't want to - and dragging someone into a life in an inner city area or one of simplicity (also close to a hospital or in or in conjunction with a hospice) is not how a marriage works, not in my books at least. Then add to that my opinions about birth control and women's right choices and there are little to none standing.
So there we go - so far I'm too quirky (too liberal for the conservatives and too conservative for the agnostics) and that's just fine with me - being picky isn't a problem.
That's like saying, we "choose" to be unhappy in life, or single. Which is totally untrue. The money we make also has nothing to do with it. Look at ppl with money marrying those without. It happens.
ReplyDeleteI've met someone who swore by that book. Ya, no second date for him, after he spent the whole time dictating "how to date" to me... ummm ya no.
Good luck. You can do it!
I agree that money doesn't have anything to do with it, as someone who marries me isn't going to be marrying me for my money - they are going to be marrying my debt :/ but yes I get what you're saying it isn't the breaker. I guess for me I am realizing that for many it is the absolute central thing in their lives - if they cannot live our their middle class suburban fantasy than they are some how not living to their full potential and for me life isn't centered around the family going to Maui every Christmas etc.
DeleteAs for the book - I mean some of it was common sense, what I saw and it roots itself into something that you might not have had to deal with which is the extreme passivity that the Christian men seem to have with the idea of dating - women too, but especially men who think that a Christian woman is just going to come colliding into them - which is why myself and my friends are pulling our hair out - they sit back on their hands and then when a woman asks them out then it they are too aggressive... gah you can never win.