Was Not Expecting That

I had to pick up the bracelet today and he took it upon himself despite repeated indications that I did not under any terms want the Narnia books he was reading to me. I have no memories of my parents reading to me and so this was a real gift. He did all the voices and it would be curled up against him, sometimes even lulled to sleep. I have no intention of ever opening the books and if I did it wouldn't be these ones. But there they were and I held in the tears for the 20 minute walk to Ms. J's where I am house sitting only to sit here bawling in the new rush of pain. He even ensured the card was included - given "with lots of love." I realized something as I sat staring at Twitter wanting to curse him out - you know what hurts more that believing he never cared, believing that he did love me and he said want he said still and did what he did like he has with no obvious emotion or care. Surprisingly to me that hurts fresh and deep, far deeper than it did last week. It's the kind of mind  NLLL that I cannot shake off with a piece of pie or Beyonce but I guess in time I will.

In the meanwhile these and the bracelet need a home - part time or forever home I don't know. Who wants them?

Like Clockwork

Every time I bitch about the Douche he redeems himself. After grumbling that the man couldn't find his balls or his spine long enough to just decline the offer, and then of course on Friday after I had told HSBFF in no uncertain terms that despite her belief of a lot of repression but there could be good underneath that she was wrong, he finds me in the atrium and starts a casual conversation. I initially was all:

Like seriously do we need the pretense, you're a douche and there is no way around that and then he "apologizes" and declines the offer, which for some reason unknown to me I said sure well let know if anything else looks interesting... like NLLL let it go, he's never going to be truly decent to you. He's always going to make you want to through something at him and whether it's a plate or yourself it's not going to go down well. You're just going to find yourself doing this and raging inside.

Okay, so you may want to sit down

I joined eHarmony, not just the free communication weekend during a time when my roommate has paid so I can see the guys we are mutually matched with, the real deal, put my money where my picky heart is

AND

 

It is a bigger disaster than I could have imagined.

Seriously I thought Christian Mingle was a disaster but this is a disaster on a whole other level. Yes on CM I couldn't fend of the crazy men who in their 60's were messaging me or the vastly under-educated,*  but now I have EH people telling me that my most awesome match is a Christian douche bag who is looking for a Stepford wife with a secret penchant for kinky sex.** Sure I check every morning and every morning I am relieved that I have chosen to look at my matches on an empty stomach given my often violent recoil.

For example EH recommend you list your Top 5 things you cannot live without (AND BE CREATIVE - ie. don't say water, air etc), so if we remember back to January I found that everyone I was matched with placed their iphone, job and computer in their top 5 and now I've whip-lashed to this:
Jesus Christ & The Bible

Family

Serving The Lord (Spreading the Gospel)

Fellowship with Christians

Nature

This particular man also puts the Bible as the best recent book he's read. You know what dude, that's swell, but I wouldn't put it in the fiction books you've read for one and two seriously? You and I are not going to go over well when I drag you into every bookstore imaginable. (So this is where X is going to be litmus test for these men - he found bookstores and stood and waited patiently while I might have moaned suggestively or did this at all the amazing random titles and first editions).

You know what I am picky, but dammit I am going to be hitched to this person for the rest of my life and I am hoping that life has some serious longevity. I'm not a proselytizing stepford wife or a Barbie doll and I cannot imagine how they could think it exists. A woman at 30+, unless she has been living with her parents has an education (academic or life or both) she's had to figure out her NLLL, she's had to pay some kind of bills (cue: Destiny's Child or Mr Neyo), if she's sane enough for marriage she has not been sitting on her laurels, behind or even standing still for that matter, she's been travelling, making friends, figuring out what she likes and doesn't like and for the record other EH dude, sushi is AMAZE-BALLS (and gluten free) so step off.

So this is the beginning of the EH rants - I hope to keep them down to once a week and not veer them too far into the world of crazy evangelical Christianity because you and I don't want to have a glossary with this all.

* I have absolutely no issue with dating or marrying a man without a formal education granted that he is still intelligent. I cannot imagine spending my life with someone who has no desire to read, or understand current events (or even know the difference between Egypt and Iran) or able to engage with me on any level other than "hey baby *grunt*...

**Who knows maybe I might be down the kinky HOWEVER, only when it is a mutual decision and not out of some perverse belief my husband has that "x" is his right (at work so I cannot link the very NSFW info from Mark Driscoll's marriage book, but feel free to Google that if you have eye ball bleach on hand)