Work Issues Aside

Well not quite aside, of the twenty plus resumes we've received today, only 3 have been via fax and of those only 2 submitted hand written cover letters.  So I guess I dodged a bullet, I don't have to weed the pile down to a half dozen to interview because so far I only have two candidates.

But it's not about the work, this is about that dastardly book called Wuthering Heights I've been having an epic struggle with.  The struggle has ceased thanks to iTunes which offers a FREE (though I would have paid) audio book service for classics.  It is a partnership with universities which offers a chapter by chapter reading of classic texts. Okay so I didn't technically "read" the last 6 chapters of the book, however I did listen to them while doing my GRE math preparation.  I am actually considering using the service for other classics that I cannot find the patience or desire to get into like Middlemarch or EM Forester's works like A Passage to India, which are on my "to read" pile.

Wuthering Heights, You're going down

If you don't follow me on my unrelated Twitter account you probably are completely unaware that I laid the challenge down to Wuthering Heights, it was Bronte or me.  More specifically I was prepared to not pick up another novel from my stack until I had finished Wuthering Heights. I had started it many times but always found myself throwing it in the bottom of the "to-read" pile, only to find it on the top a few months later.   This time I knew I had to take it out of circulation permanently.  I would have acheived that this weekend if not for my chronic migraine of late and my GRE preparation.  Yes the GRE has the power to seduce me away from a novel these days. I know that I need to get cracking on both my reading and my studying so that come September the procrastination novel stack will be gone and the GRE will be prepared for as much as possible.

*Fingers Crossed*

The Long Weekend Cannot Come Soon Enough

Ms. J and even X to some degree insist that I spend too much time on culinary websites/detours.  I contest that there is a really good reason for my searches - you never know what you can find.  I went searching for a cooked vanilla strawberry jam recipe to make this weekend and found this website. That is an amazing discovery.

But that aside I am looking forward to a chunk of time so that I can plow through Wuthering Heights.  I am half way through and I declared to the world and Twitter, or maybe that is the world, that I would not read another book until I finished Wuthering Heights.  I needed to motivation to just do it, to get invested in it like I did Love in the Time of Cholera. I find that if I am not in a class where I have to read a book, if it doesn't grab me I shelve it.  I have been known to shelve a book multiple times before I read it all the way through.  Fingers crossed I don't shelve it once more.

Even worse then being stuck without good reading material, I realized that I might have to work in September after all.  I do not want to work.  Seriously I do not want to try and balance work and school.  But that being said unless I find a benevolent benefactor or rent out my uterus I am not going to be able to afford school.  Gah.  So the plan at the moment is to consider looking for bursaries etc - I don't know what my chances are but being denied is better then not asking.

On the topic of money and work/life balance - well actually it's not really on that topic at all - my PU has started running! So glad he's got the old man belly going on and that is not good for anyone, especially him.  So because I'm a mean daughter I've convinced him to sign up for his first half marathon.  Bazinga! I managed to bring one person unwittingly over to the dark side.  We're going to be hitting up SoCal in November - so really I don't know how dark side it really will be...whatever - will be updating you on the joy that will be my life trying to get my PU up to the 13.1 miles.

Too much to do, too little time - and don't even get me started on the GRE - oy vay.

Don't Make Promises You Cannot Keep...

I believe that's the saying... I confess I will likely fail at keeping my promise to keep blogging in the next little while.

My bestie Ms. J has a brand spanking new hip and as such I'm going to be spending my next few days sneaking food into her, watching movies and giggling about the hot doctors (there better be hot doctors).  As such I won't be here.

And when I'm not here I'm going to be studying for the GRE again - good gracious I thought I dodged that bullet, *le sigh.* X and I started talking about the future - not like that kind of future but sort of - it's the even more challenging and complicated future.

See I like to plan, but in recent years I've beat down the planner in me so much that I think I'm afraid of planning. I'm afraid of saying yes to things - of quite frankly dreaming.  I feel like when I get into dreamer/planning mode I forget the present, I forget my commonsense, and I find that the world I try to dream/plan into existence is founded nowhere in reality.  In the end I guess the more I dig into this relationship and my future the more I realize just how damn burned I am/was by the whole CEF process.  Some moments I find it's like realizing not only a scar I wasn't aware of but a whole abscessing wound.  And then there are things that I thought I was afraid of that I really never was... *le sigh times deux*

X and I got into two little arguments if you will call them that last night - one about the cost of his graduation shirt - apparently he's neglected the part of growing up where dress shirts aren't found on the sale rack at the Gap, they cost money because you're an adult and looking like a schlumpy 19 year old is not acceptable at 30+.  But we'll discuss that later.  The other one was why am I doing two years of seminary, when seminary is ultimately just a middle man/point for my MA.  Good question. One that actually didn't really sink in until this morning.

I'm not sure.  I think when I set out to do my two years I was in a completely different place - I was single and I was (still am) really happy with the way things are here community and friend wise.  When I became unsingle I didn't see the point in rushing off to apply anywhere.  I don't plan on moving to be with X unless we are married - plain and simple.  It's a huge move, it's a lot of paperwork and it's not going to be for us just to try things out.  X agrees but thinks I should just apply in his general area - so we are close but not living together.  Here is the sticky thing.  The schools I want are on the West coast... they all require the GRE and I'm feeling royally overwhelmed. 

I know this all doesn't really make sense.  I guess what I mean is I understand that the most practical option is for me to apply for MA programs this Fall, but I think I'm just scared out of my gourd for that whole process.  I once was a jump and deal with it girl, now I'm one who realizes that there are still open wounds from the last time I did that.

Photo:http://www.flickr.com/photos/elizacate/3393159650/sizes/z/in/photostream/

I need more hours in today
I wish I had more yesterday
Or last night to dream dreams

But alas time is short, no?

On with Monday, today, now.
Tired, stressed and all that jazz *jazz hands*
Listening to Serena sing about love

Want to hear the Bangles sing
I might just do that soon

However, oh how ever will be
Congratulations are in order US eh
You have joined the "communist" world
May you see beauty in universalcare

For those with hate tinged lips
I plead for peace and discourse
For those who claim their beliefs

He believed peace and not slander
justice, equality, mercy and grace changed
So use not as weapons but
as tools to unite, to uncover

Sing, hug and remove the hatred

Back to work, work I go
Then run, falafel dinner and Math
Yay it is math monday weeeee!

Moving Forward

I am slowly putting one foot in front of the other - literally and figuratively.

I pick courses this week - trying to decide if I trust RateMyProfessor more than I trust my barista.
I start training - very slowly.
I start studying for the GRE Lit exam this week - in theory trying to figure out a schedule - like Mondays - Math, Tuesday - Vocabulary, Wednesday - Verbal etc.
I start making a list of who to humble myself before - I have one TA in mind who is now a PhD - got an A+ in his class - granted it was an intro class and ages ago - don't think it will fly - Ms. J claims I have nothing to lose, funny I still think I do, darn pride.

Work is more stressful these days now that my least responsible employee is back from her extended leave, making more work for me. I am sniffling again. Someday I am sure I will be healthy, just not today. And yes because he really needs more blog time around here, I am trying to make active steps away from AB. You know I never realized that having sex with a person would make the tearing yourself away from that person seem like a battle you can never win. If it isn't the sense of loneliness, then it's the sense of shame/guilt and if it isn't that it's the frustration/anger at a person walking away not because they don't love you, it's because they can't grow up (his words not mine - not ready for commitment).

Anyways, apparently it's Monday, so I have word problems and geometry to get to - I love the GRE, I love the GRE, I don't love the GRE. Boo.

One of my new real loves

So while I'm trying to convince my brain that it LOVES: basic math (fractions, bedmas, etc), obscure and obtuse vocabulary, and memorizing large chunks of 18th century poets, it needs no assistance in it's new real loves for white chocolate soy Americano misto's and GLEE. So on the note of GLEE and what they've made likely one of the most popular songs by Journey I give you this cover, and yes I am aware it's not GLEE, I might argue it's even slightly better, eek.