Life is Weird

I think we all know that, but I mean some days I seriously wonder about things, like how we can wander around so close to amazing things happening and then tumble into them.  I would love to tell you all about the amazing day I had, unfortunately no work has come out of it, and there might be some in the future, but it was a good connection day.  Good, good stuff - no men stuff in that good, good stuff - yay me, doing healthy stuff for me stuff.

And then this evening as I groan about the status of things on-line while chatting with X, I felt like reviewing our little Blog Boy listing and thinking about who is where and who should be crossed off for other purposes and I paused at DB's name.  It's always been one I've struggled with, primarily because he's been in many ways the mythological man in my life who has in the past represented all the things I wanted, or thought I wanted.  I haven't had that feeling for a long time, basically since I started therapy and realized that I needed to fall in love organically, none of this make a list shit.  But that doesn't mean that DB of make a list shit fame doesn't in some small way haunt me in rare moments like this.  So what do you do when someone haunts you and is well not actually dead.  You Google them of course!  And according to the brilliance of Google it turns out DB and I are practically neighbours!  How after living in this neighbourhood going on 6 years have he and I one never run into each other in the only freaking grocery store for like miles and miles (doesn't this always happen in the movies) and two weird.   Even weirder is he's like two blocks away from this good connection I just made.  I kind of feel like I'm being prepared to exorcise this haunt.  I do not feel like I've been prepared enough other than to not freak out when the time comes to do the deed and release it all. Cryptic and weird - yes.  But I think that's what happens when said person was the entirely unattainable hot older brother of a shitty friendship that you really only held onto for said older brother.  It's all NLLL, but yes we are talking about me and men so that's not so surprising now is it.

And if you're wondering if I'm going to start running past his house, goodness no, quite the opposite.

Again unrelated music - but it's awesome, so there.

Singleness...

As of late I've been realizing that what I'm looking for has slowly changed over the years... as a whole I know it hasn't in the sense that I haven't gone from looking for Type C to Type M or something like that(I know that is a little muddled), specifically I've always known a Type A would likely cause me grief and I vice versa. An AB clone without the AB issues would in many ways be good, but as I realized at our staff Christmas party I have something possibly as restrictive as my dabblings with veganism to consider, running. The husband of one of my staff bemoaned his inability to keep up with his marathoning and explicitly said that is something I MUST consider. Really?

Let's review this shall we? I have a had a year of mediocre at best dates and one whatever you want to call it "relationship." One was a marathoner now a die hard skier (OM) and the others not overly athletic aside from biking everywhere. Will I run for the rest of my life? I sure hope so. Now I'm aware it isn't a deal breaker, all the women I know who are runners are married, but on the other hand all are vocal about their frustrations that their pursuit isn't always honored... not my place on that issue. Here's my issue - I like distances - marathon distances and strongly looking at ultra's, and those are time consuming. Not just the races, but the training long runs. A 20 miler on a Saturday morning is easily 3hrs, 4 if breakfast is factored in...and most evenings there are 10-15 mile runs... So did I just pick my future? Marathoning and sporatic veganism over someone in my bed and life?

Just look - it isn't that bad a choice is it?

Squishy

Somewhere in the last year I went soft in more ways than one. I used to be smaller, a lot, and now I'm a living example of why a vegan diet is a beautiful thing. And so now the long crawl back to those jeans still tucked away in the bottom drawer. I know that it isn't all bad. I've said if all I had to lose or in the end gain was a few extra pounds in all the NLLL that went down in regards to CEF that is all is still for the best. Really I could have gained a CH (Crazy Husband) and then the lovely title of divorcee or something like that... because let's be honest, it would have gone down that way somehow, someway. I don't know how, when I look back at it all that things went as far as they did... anyways. Back to the grind, so I don't cringe a little internally every time AB touches me.

Music for the fun that will be had, toxic and fluffy:

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/fre_natae/3209332438/