In the last few weeks I've found myself thinking about the topic or having it appear in the weirdest of places. Take last Friday for example, I said to Ms. J, "Speaking of the human body," she interjects "You're pregnant" "Um no we're only celebrating one immaculate conception this year and it ain't mine"... the conversation proceeded to talk about the Scar Project's I'm Not A Pink Ribbon campaign, which I LOVE. Later that evening as I was putting my delicates away I caught sight of the HCG text box that is still in a drawer a year later... what the hell it's still doing in there I don't know, I don't plan on needing or even wanting to use it anytime soon.
There was a time in my life I thought I really wanted kids, but well I know that for one times a ticking but at the same time I know despite my previous beliefs that I'm not willing to choose to be a single mom. If it happens then it happens and I'd have a great community to support me. Even still I know it's a hell of a lot of work and I don't know if I could do it day in and day out alone-ish.
For now I rely on the days like today where even my boss asked for a Valium, when the ridiculous tantrums and hours of screaming as free birth control. They get me past those moments where I really really want a baby and don't care if the dad will ditch me. It is these screaming times that make me wonder that even if everything lined up - a husband, stable home etc would I have the patience for it all. It's funny I always thought I would be a mom, but when I look at my mom friends and their downs more than ups, it makes me really wonder.
First off, sorry that we didn't get a chance to catch up when I was in the office. I looked for you when our appointment was over, but you were not around. Looked like you were busy anyways, but it was nice to see you regardless...and thanks again for the help with booking the appointment, Tamara says thanks as well.
ReplyDeleteAs for the kids thought...trust me...I know how you feel. I never really went through my teenage or young 20's life really thinking that I ever wanted to have kids. Part of it was the responsibility, part of it was the lack of freedom, and part of it was just the hassle that having a child can be.
But after struggling with the whole thing at first, I can honestly say that the good far outweighs the bad. They can spend all day screaming and driving you nuts...and they can refuse to do anything you tell them to do...but then when it's time for bed, and they have finally calmed down...they come over for a big hug and a kiss and tell you that they love you (or in Jacob's case right now...yuv yu...and you realize that it's all worth it.
This is by no means a lecture on why everyone should have kids...because lots of people don't want to and shouldn't. But at the end of the day, if you know deep down somewhere that you want one...don't let the fear of the tough times turn you away from what is one of the most rewarding times in life.
Take that all for what it's worth :)
I work in an office where no fewer than FOUR women (three are my age) were pregnant at the same time... Two have had their babies now, and two more are about to pop. Having worked in the field of obstetrics for awhile, and now being faced with it every day... (and having the sh*t scared out of me by our talks about that poor quadriplegic woman on TLC who had a baby and effed up her whole life)
ReplyDeleteI have always known I've wanted kids. I know I am not the Paul type. I am too social, too relational, too touchy-feely, nose-wiping, bum-changing, belly-tickling to be single and childless (so WTF?!). What I've realized over the last while is that I don't want or need to give birth. My body is already so effed up that I don't need to give it opportunities for extra credit. Although I always knew I would never be up for IVF or other "heroic measures" to have a baby if my body wasn't up to it, I never thought I'd say this, but if The Guy comes along, he'll have to be the type who will adopt, foster or something like that, because unless he feels like bearing the seed on his own, it ain't going to happen from me.
I just wish it were as easy to adopt a child as it is to be stupid and pay lots of money for hormones and implantation and drugs to make it happen when your ovaries are shriveled up. Seems unfair somehow that kids who already exist can't find parents (and parents who want them can't find kids) but people pay thousands per cycle to squeeze blood from a stone (or eggs from a desert, as the case may be).