1. Remove the pole from your backside. Now I know that sounds harsh, and you're probably appalled (my former younger self that is), to which I say oh honey I made it sound nice for you so accept it.
2. Now that the pole is out, breathe, if the concept of a deep breath is hard for you, take a shot of whatever Dad has is the cupboard in the kitchen - that might help. Okay, now - did the world fall apart? Seriously, did it? No I didn't think so. You're so wrapped up in the gluing of people together. You HAVE to fix EVERYTHING. But here is the deal in fixing them, or hiding their wrongs to you, you will disappear. If you are going to hell in a hand-basket you seriously need it to be hell for them too. Yes that could mean your parents divorce (they do - way later on unfortunately), it will mean you will tell all those deep dark soul consuming secrets and no it is not fun, not fun at all - but the nightmares stop.
3. So I am aware I am making you panic. All that need to fix and perfect and control will slam up against life. I am sorry but it does - so what to do about it?
Grace - not the person, she's lovely but no, give yourself grace. Failure will happen in this life, I know that's a shock. Sorry dear but nothing is going to stop you from failing at a lot in university. It's okay you avoid AP. You'll fail at a lot in life - like moving out, saving, dating, even trying to get married. The shocker is that it's ALL okay and those failures are a good thing.
4. Now I know that didn't help, I've told you your parents will get divorced, you can't control the world, your secrets will be revealed and you'll fail at a hell of a lot. So now you are wondering where the positive side in not ending it all before you were 16 is. Well dear. If I told you the good stuff it wouldn't be as sweet...
5. Actually I know that isn't fair but you aren't going to believe me anyways. Where to start... the boys. You like boys. Boys are good, IN THEORY. You have a tendency to chose the shitty ones, not the bad boys, just the real lame ass screwed up ones. I would tell you to avoid them but I know you won't... so let me give you some advice.
Don't spend time alone with Lawyer Boy - he might choke you with his tongue, I came close to exiting that way - it's gross, he's lame and he's an oh honey no.
So about BI I know you've felt chemistry with him since your first English class together, oddly things sort of come together and yet don't. I will tell you why because you won't realize this until years later. You really were in love with him. Shock, I know. It's okay things ended up good for him. I know he was scary, you just weren't ready to open your life to someone you knew you had a lot to lose with... But I will say at least give the guy a hug, sometimes boys need more than your baking - and no that is no euphemism.
Mr. I Have a Guitar - Oh why do you go for the ones who are messed in the head? He wants a barefoot in the kitchen girl - and yes I know you love to cook barefoot, but you and I know that is not what I mean - you are not that girl. Just because he can sing and play the guitar, it does not rectify a massive pile of sins.
Mr. Big aka Dr A - Oh honey - this one will hurt, I don't know what to tell you but this will hurt, oh and you'll be fine.
You know I don't know if we are going to discuss Mr. Ex-Fiance (CEF) - because here's the deal you aren't going to listen to me about all the stuff before this - and he brings the greatest shit storm you will ever know but he contributed to the person writing this - enough said.
AB - Run, oh girl run, yes you'll love him like you did BI but it isn't worth it because he doesn't love you seriously, seriously. Though actually maybe you should stick around for that kiss you'll have one hot August night on his roof top patio downtown. Yes, stick around for that, but don't wear the blue dress.
But enough with the boys - friends - girls before well I'm not going to finish that unfortunate phrase though it might be true...
N and you will survive her whole not marrying A and eloping and well I've revealed too much - that whole part about grace - share it while you're giving it to yourself.
Ms. J is more fabulous than you will ever know, and I know you and her are really different but you need her. Really, really need her.
The rest of the girls from high school, you judged right. I know this sort of let's you get away with that self righteousness. It doesn't. But they want something different out of life and ya'll are just really poor at articulating that now. So let them go off to school - paid for by their parents, get married young and have lots of babies. Why? Because that's their business. It doesn't affect you. Just like their getting divorced before their 30 doesn't affect you either. Move on, even if they don't or won't.
I could go on, but what I will say to end is give your dad a break, it will take you over a decade to see he has loved you all along, and it will hurt and be hard, but that part about grace - give him some too - he does really love you.
In closing young me - breathe, relax, don't work so hard as you'll find your 20's come with gray hair, wrinkles and black toes(you ran that marathon you set out to do) - it comes with pain, but more importantly it comes with GRACE, LOVE and MERCY - so accept them with tears and breaking and give them without attaching all your shit.
Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/fernandosanchez/2273862344/sizes/z/in/photostream/
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