Yes I'm going to be a Gemini and in this moment play both sides of my heart and brain. Last week I was going through old FB messages trying to find L's address. I didn't find it, but I did see the subject lines of a lot of other messages namely those back and forth to AB about this time last year. Nostalgia wasn't my first feeling, it really was one of questioning. How did it all happen and how did I get here? It really just seems like another lifetime. Sure I miss him. But I know that feeling is a missing of a feeling, of a person, that he isn't and one that I sure as hell shouldn't and couldn't make him to be. So yes I miss him. I guess more specifically I miss that rush of feelings, those feeling of I want to kiss him, does he feel the same way and yadda yadda. The butterflies. The new love business. Despite the long list of crushes and pseudo relationships before him, even with CEF all those feelings were really new and exciting. So here we are a year later. I have been single since November when AB imploded, or maybe he just imploded. Sure I curse the eHarmony ads, and have stopped my application to Match because I just can't do it.
Yes I despite the fact that it seems my friends are getting engaged or even shot-gun esque married in rapid succession I still believe that it will happen in it's time. And yes I'm as impatient as they come, but it is what it is. I don't see the point in wasting my time dating someone in the hope of feelings I know won't be there because they aren't that person for me in the first place. Make sense? Maybe not. Oh well.
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