Fate's Got Cards It Don't Want to Show...

I feel like my life is becoming one big country song, or a bildungsroman short of Jane's beauty. It's a messy road, her's was so much clearer in places. Somewhere along Beach as HSBBF and I looped around to run over the bridge, the tears and anger hit full force. I'd popped the bubble - the anger flooded forward, I think this is why HSBBF and I are still friends, she knew how to hold the sub 10 minute mile pace while I blubbered on, figuring out what I didn't want to know. That AB is well, Trisha sings it better, but since I don't want to make you listen to the song, a walk away AB. He made a choice, he understood the importance of that choice, said he respected me for my choices, my rules (like I stuck to them... ) and opted to go forward, and despite being given explicit instructions to walk away, far far away if he wasn't prepared to in the aftermath embrace it all and walk forward. He chose to stay. He chose to stay close, to repeat that decision. And then in a moment of clarity this week I realized that despite all those choices to stay close, he still ultimately choose to draw the one line red line over and through my dignity and honor/respect. He will never be committed. He made a choice to despite the feelings in his heart, the knowledge in his head to progress knowing damn well how I felt. In the end I hurt but I will heal, and you, you get to process all that however you want to and know that absolution and atonement are not as easy as grace to give. Regardless I get the chance now to say, walk away - you don't get the option to stay and your toothbrush will be returned to you in time.