Blog Men Update

Just because I am not single doesn't mean that I don't still have man issues.  Not X issues and even if I did we have agreed not to blog our relationship problems... whatever, not the point.

BB is the point.  He posted on FB this week, that he up and moving.  I knew this day would come, boy has roots as deep as a azalea in this city.  I know he wants to be any where but here. That being said while he loves another major city in this part of the world I doubt that it's going to fill the void.  So I sent him off with my best wishes that he finds what he's searching for - maybe he'll find a shrink along the way too.  I mean that with with care - I know it sounds bitchy, but I've been there - you can run all you want, if the shit is in your head, it's not going to help you one bit.  I really do wish I could have helped the guy out but there was just no way to do that and not end up with a bloody mess on my hands.  As for the whole no more free coffee, it's probably a good thing for me, my waistline and well me - I was tired of feeling like I was cheating on BB with X. Yes you read that right - I had a relationship with my barista while I am in a relationship with X. I felt like BB was hoping the next free latte would be the one to send me over the counter and into his arms... oh honey, if it was a JJ Bean latte maybe.

AL:  Well he pops in and out of my life.  Look maybe I'm just too damn civil, or maybe FB allows men I'm vaguely friends with to comment and reappear in my life I don't know.  I find it unnerving.  It's like AB knows not to comment, not to talk to me.  I might BBM AB once every 6 months to make sure he's alive but I normally comes down to a few terse answers back and forth and fizzles out.  Well AL I think just bugs the bajeebers out of me due to our history - the more I look at the more I feel like I was being seduced for a pity something.  To ask me on a date on the heels of knowing your friend and I got very whatever and he's intent on breaking my heart because he's a man child seems cold, calculated and oh ya who you are - Mr. Serial Cheater. 

Aside:  So reading through my old blogs I realize I have lost my writers mojo - happiness and writing do not mix - and now Virginia Woolf makes even more sense to me - you've got to be repressed, bitchy and drinking far more then you should and off the hormone pills to for that matter to get the kind of kicky, snarky and aptly observed stuff out there.  So now the time has come for me to find another source, or just to switch to drinking and blogging.

For you X:

The Long Weekend Cannot Come Soon Enough

Ms. J and even X to some degree insist that I spend too much time on culinary websites/detours.  I contest that there is a really good reason for my searches - you never know what you can find.  I went searching for a cooked vanilla strawberry jam recipe to make this weekend and found this website. That is an amazing discovery.

But that aside I am looking forward to a chunk of time so that I can plow through Wuthering Heights.  I am half way through and I declared to the world and Twitter, or maybe that is the world, that I would not read another book until I finished Wuthering Heights.  I needed to motivation to just do it, to get invested in it like I did Love in the Time of Cholera. I find that if I am not in a class where I have to read a book, if it doesn't grab me I shelve it.  I have been known to shelve a book multiple times before I read it all the way through.  Fingers crossed I don't shelve it once more.

Even worse then being stuck without good reading material, I realized that I might have to work in September after all.  I do not want to work.  Seriously I do not want to try and balance work and school.  But that being said unless I find a benevolent benefactor or rent out my uterus I am not going to be able to afford school.  Gah.  So the plan at the moment is to consider looking for bursaries etc - I don't know what my chances are but being denied is better then not asking.

On the topic of money and work/life balance - well actually it's not really on that topic at all - my PU has started running! So glad he's got the old man belly going on and that is not good for anyone, especially him.  So because I'm a mean daughter I've convinced him to sign up for his first half marathon.  Bazinga! I managed to bring one person unwittingly over to the dark side.  We're going to be hitting up SoCal in November - so really I don't know how dark side it really will be...whatever - will be updating you on the joy that will be my life trying to get my PU up to the 13.1 miles.

Too much to do, too little time - and don't even get me started on the GRE - oy vay.

Warm Fuzzies

My home city got its warm fuzzies on after a horrific week and I'm proud that we did.  But beyond that I don't really have anything to say because I don't want to dwell on either mob that has arisen, those rioters or the courts of social media who has now decided to start vicious acts on the rioters, their families and homes.  Justice is not found in acts of rage regardless of what incites that rage.  So on that note, lest I go all pacifist on everyone.

Behold:



So if you need to get some pent up riot frustration out today that hasn't been pancake breakfast, post note on police cars, plywood graffiti or hug a stranger out of you, then just go blow up a green pig with an angry bird.

Nervous?! Who is nervous?! Surely not I?!

So it all comes down to this, eh?  I remember the last time so clearly - too clearly to be honest - the tears, the fingers crossed, all of it.  This time boys please win that inch so that the end result is different.



I am adding this to deflate the nail crunching and kvetching that is happening around town, if you haven't notice Hockey Night in Canada has been playing it as part of their pre-game.

I know I'm weird

I don't think X knows how weird I can be, but I'm okay with that - I honestly don't think that I need to let him in on every inside joke or more so subject him to everything I share with my girlfriends.  Ms J and I love to use 80's colloquialisms - it's our thing.  T and I have known each other through more shit than I think any man could or would need to understand.  That is okay - I know there are moments where I want to say stupid things to X and then realize it would require way to much contextualizing so I say as I would to anyone other than Ms. J.  It's actually kind of nice to share something special with all the people that are unique and special in my life...

So on that note, I'm going to let you in on a little secret *clears throat* I like to look at home decor and mentally plan my home.  I know this isn't actually weird.  Maybe it is completely normal, but I've pretty much got the whole thing clear as day in my mind.  Problem is I'm a vintage loving girl with expensive taste.  Yep, oh honey if only you knew how amazingly talented I am at finding normally the most expensive item in a room.  Now that being said I don't buy those things - I'm not senile.

So I just look at sites like this:

Where they sell things like this for crazy expensive prices and why would I pay $54 for 6?  Because they're PINK! You think I'm joking don't you?  Oh if you only knew...

Rough Spot

I get scared easy - I hear that relationships have rough patches and that you need to move through them, I understand that, I understand it to my core - and yet I feel like I'm staring down the crazy anxious woman I was in 2008 and I am starting to become incredibly scared.

I miss X.  I feel like I'm coming unhinged, I miss him that much and yet I feel like we're emotionally as far apart as we are physically.  I honestly don't know couples did long distance in a world of letters and slow transportation.  All I hear is that I need to let him go, let him do what he needs to do at school/life and if it's meant to be that we'll find ourselves in the better time and space.  I understand that conceptually - I do not however understand that emotionally.  I've become a crying fool at my desk because like the true Gemini I am my heart and my head have decided that WW3 needs to be fought here and now and I'm too damn tired to stop either party.