I mentioned a few blogs back that I have things I would like to say as the new town whore of the FB group I am questioning myself for being a part of.
My first piece of advice - Date. Sounds bizarre to some but I was raised in a culture that said date only for marriage. I agree with the idea - don't date a douche you see no future with... however, this idea has been socially translated into, date ONE person, as in THE ONE. There apparently is no room for error, no room for coffee dates with men who you haven't made your BFF or background checked via the CIA or what have you. Yes there is this crazy belief that because you should only date for marriage that dating in and of itself is sinful or indulgent.
Actually it's incredibly practical.
1. It teaches socialization - the same skills you have to harness for a date with a relative stranger are the same ones you have to harness for job interviews, meeting new people in general, company events, meeting parents and the list goes on. Yes you are not going to go on to kiss your interviewer, company representative or future in laws, but you are going to start in the same place with all of them - positive not too personal small talk. You learn how to with confidence stick out your hand and say Hi my name is SP, it's nice to meet you....
2. It teaches you want is important to you. I could tell you that I love books, but you already know that. But you know what? I REALLY love books. BV didn't like to read. I found that out and the conversations started to fumble. They fumbled even more when I found out he was apathetic about his incredibly cool sounding job. You can love your God/gods all you want but if you are a bummer to be around then I'm sorry that is not enough. I hear women say it's a turn on to have a man who loves God. You know what? It isn't really - a man who knows what he believes and is passionate about EVERYTHING in his life is a turn on. And by passionate, I do not mean off the walls happy, but genuinely interested/invested/knowledgeable etc.
3. It teaches you that you are worthy. In dating I found I learned the key phrase - I am worthy of more than this. Yes I was able to say that early into AB and my relationship and ignored it, but if you say it enough, it's the dull blade that frays the relationship cords. You break a relationship slow and rough like that and you end up with two adults who go on without each other, rather than the yo yoing that happens when you cannot say those words.
4. It refines your gay-dar and your general understanding of chemistry. You might be BFF's. But I will tell you stand across from someone you don't know at a party and find yourself feeling that I must talk to this person, get to know them etc. Now go look at the BFF. Doesn't matter that you've devoted all this time getting to make sure he's the right one to date - if you don't have the juice to make the reactions work, it doesn't matter. Seriously. If you fight me on this, let me direct you to CEF.
I remember the whole discussion about dating and how much you were against the whole idea at the time. Quite remarkable how 180 you have become on that front, but I aplaud the life learning and the willingness to change.
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