The Fear

In less than two weeks I will have completed my second marathon, in theory.  Right now my body seems to be staging a revolt of epic Russian Revolution style proportions - and in the process scaring me within an inch of my sanity.  For those who've followed along for a while, or read my food blog will know that I have for the last few years struggled with several bouts of illness.  I know that these started when I started to deal with all the issues of my childhood/teen years.  Now I feel like calling out "No Fair!" to the cosmos because I should be rewarded for dealing with my issues not kicked while I was down.  But alas I was - it started with a dying or dead immune system which left me sick at the mere mention of the presence of a sick person in my vicinity.  I was worse than the average day care child when it came to picking up viruses - and quite frankly that is horrible because I am not a small child who licks all sorts of unfortunate things or doesn't wash their hands... alas.  I was put on numerous antibiotics (which may or may not have been the reason for the GF issues) and so on and so forth and then the hives came.  Oh the glorious hives. And if that wasn't fun enough I started to have problems getting out of bed, up stairs and walking in general.  I went from a marathon runner to a woman who at under 30 paused a minimum of 3 times while trying to climb the stairs up to my office due to the excruciating muscle pain and fatigue.

So last March the epic testing began - it was a time of warm fuzzy feelings and joy - that is if being prodded with an ultrasound wand while having a full bladder at 7am feels amazing.  And in the end after the MRI, ultra sounds, x-rays and urine and stool tests and blood tests for everything between Allergies to Syphilis (because we know that was so the front runner for the cause) the answer was *drum roll* nadda.  Yes folks according the medical community I was on the border of malingering.  So not the case.  I changed my diet - went gluten dairy and soy free and started treatments with Suka my beloved acupuncturist.

I started to walk again, move like a normal person of my age, my skin stopped freaking out and I started to run.  I became human again - until this week.  I have been slowly letting dairy and soy creep into my life because sometimes I have to - they aren't loved by my body but they aren't hated.  Gluten is my enemy.  We are Russia and the USA circa October 4,1957 or any of the years following. 

Anyways, I have a tired unhappy body that refuses to run, a brain that wants to run and all the worry and self doubt that this planner could ever never want...   So if you don't find me around here you know that my brain has sort of shut down in an attempt to not think about the could be's