A little update

I've wanted to sit down and write a post so many times and either bailed because I was tired or I had a drink or feeling overly sentimental... well tonight I might have done or be all those things but alas here I am, writing.

I sat down with my therapist for the first time in like 8 months - made me realize that I need to see her more often... *sigh* we didn't even getting to the whole I'm avoiding dating while being thankful there isn't anyone I want to date and I still have feelings for X while knowing that those feelings are not really those kinds of feelings, just the you're awesome and safe and you're the hole I want to bury myself in but I know that isn't ideal for either of us, because I know somewhere in me, that at the end of the day that isn't the kind of relationship either of us wants or needs - maybe those feelings radically change one day, but for now it isn't there.

Nor is the situation with DD - walking past his place on a semi frequent basis (which JS claims is stalking, I disagree as regardless of the route I would be in his hood) but whatever, it has made me realize that even if for some reason we were to collide one of these morning while I am "glowing" sans makeup and with bed head in a bun I wouldn't care. Sure I might be flustered, but I'm not interested in playing the let me be cute game. Quite frankly if anything I am trying to let whatever this is be the process by which I once and for all put it all behind me because the reality is our social circles will likely collide and when they do I want to have found a way to have collect my NLLL, even cleaned, organized and stored it away if possible.

As for whether I suck it up and do an online dating option, right now I just cannot, it feels too objectifying which I know is a me thing and not necessarily the format of the service. I guess I'm just going to stay where I am at with that until my therapist holds my feet to the fire and then I guess I'll just have to pick a guy I know who will be the most compassionate... ya that will work swimmingly I can just see it now.

Yep that is about it - other than trying to sleep, my exhaustion is limiting that ironically and working... lots and lots of working, and reading - thankfully or not so thankfully my job affords me a lot of time on the weekend to read, so much so that it is my hope that I can finish my reading list and consider posting a similar photo as this one in our school directory.

NSFW - I guess someone shares my love of R.Bradbury

First this is NSFW, but then really is this blog for the most part, shouldn't you be working at work, unlike me... anyways I love Ray Bradbury. But not quite like this, however I should note I'm reading the Illustrated Man and I believe that Fahrenheit 451 is possibly one of the best books written in its continuing relevance and reverence of print culture. While we are on the topic of NSFW apparently some of my favorite books are on the banned book list in the US (I heart Google), to which I say one WTF, why are we banning books? And since when did Wide Sargasso Sea and Love in the Time of Cholera rank worse for ethical content, than the works of Chaucer and Shakespeare - who I will note are not banned. Let's see rape, dead children, war, divorce, remarriage and cannibalism all come to mind at the moment, never mind cross-dressing and homo-social relationships. No those are all okay, because what child can read and understand these works or they are "classics”? Vanity Fair is a classic and Becky is a spoil, demon of an adulterous woman but hell whatever. Goodness if anyone thinks a 12 year old is going to pick up Rhys or Marquez and understand it well they should be rewarded, hell give them Lady Chatterley's Lover while they are at it because it was so damn boring and the sex scenes so ludicrous that I wanted to poke my eyes out, so if they finish it I promise they'll never want to read again. Anyways to more humorous content.