On the Eve

of my possible birthday, I will tell you all I am most undoubtedly a Gemini, I actually had a coversation in the Village with a shop owner who being a Gemini married one and well we had a chuckle about how that was... While I don't believe in my horoscope will have to say I know that there are qualities unique to all of us that seemingly corespond to the times in the year when we are born... but I digress the important part of all this is that I watch "He's Just Not That Into You" on the plane last night, and while some moments were cringe worthy I have to say that there are definite moments of honesty and moments where I have to say I'm just not sure. Maybe that's the point, there is no wrong or right, no rules, exceptions and standard cases. While we would like to believe that it is all in stone, that an arm punch by a male friend/acquaintence will always be an indicator of interest (in OM's case it was), it doesn't in the end mean a whole lot of anything, or on the other end of the spectrum a night of conversing and hug could just mean someone's nice - I know we women would love to have some kind of manual like what Justin Long character's dishes out. Instead I have to agree with Ginnifer towards the end - sometimes it's just about being out there, heart on your sleeve and passionate - you love and lose enough at some point you're going to win. Maybe that's my mantra for this new year, the winning will happen, just don't get caught in the willing it part.

Happy Birthday Marilyn and all the others...

Giving Birth

I will say that I haven't had a child though apparently many believe I have - why, who knows? I've given up on that one, it could be because I look ravaged most mornings, I have my mom voice perfected, I have that all-seeing eagle eye mastered or maybe I just look like I recently gave birth - hey even worse I've been asked when I was due - granted that was a few years ago... oh bless our clients.

Anyways I will say I did or I have been giving birth to myself these past 7 months. I know that sounds narcissistic, but hold on. It's been one of the most painful, often humiliating, prodding, exposing experiences to go through lots and lots of therapy - both individual and group, and expose the inner workings of everything, and yet in the end know if I was asked to do it again, my answer would be hell yes. Yes, there was a definite hell component to all of this. But hey sometimes the pain is worth it, when you get to begin to see the result. So yes I might be single, I might be single for a very long time, but you know what, this life, this life I've been given is worth it. Dating or even marrying the wrong person is like feeding your child Kraft dinner, sure you know what, yes it shuts up the hunger pangs for a while, but it robs them of all the nutrition, complexity and beauty that a world of other food options could give them, like never tasting eggplant bartha and so on.

So I'm going to pass on the Kraft dinner men out there and hope that I find one more like ratatouille - hearty, good for you, complex and tried and true to feed this child.

The photo?: One because I wanted to capture the beauty and holistic/natural process of this past year and well because I and one of my lovely friends are huge supporters of "alternative" and ultimately more positive for all involved birthing options where possible. This process is also nothing like the one I've gone through.