How Desperate Are You?

I am beginning to think the relationship game is really fuelled by desperation. More specifically our male peers have settled on the belief that the woman they need to settle with is a woman they can live with and she cannot live without them.  That is not relationship - that's a recipe for infidelity, jealously and bitterness. 

Who are we kidding?  Why do we let ourselves get into this game?  We all know in the end he never stays with us and always goes back or on to that kind of woman.  I want a man who thinks I'm beyond him.  Not in the sense that he thinks I am too good for him - but I think our partners in life, should have the same qualities as our best friendships.  Note I did not say they should be our best friend - I think that is a bizarre idea - marrying your bff.  If that was the goal - Ms. J and I would have shacked up a long time ago - but we haven't because love is not like that - it's not the stuff of bf friendships - though yes it has some of the qualities.  One such quality is admiration/awe/challenge for example Ms. J and well JS and N too - are kick ass, take no prisoners women in their own rights.  I love that in a man - a sense of I know who I am, I know what is awesome and I am going to pursue that - because more often than not - it is completely unlike what I want or feel comfortable with.

Take X for example - he sings and plays music, he speaks other languages - he has this something, I don't know what it is, that despite his worries and insecurities he keeps going and he pushes those around him on to that in his own way.   I think one of the best qualities of a man is having a no-one left behind philosophy about something/someone(s).  A man who can actively in one way or another uplift the people around him - that is a man who has my attention - that is unique - that is a diamond.

I have spent some time in this last little while especially after the quick bitter sampling of DirectoryBoy to know that my next year and a half of graduate school is not about dating - but rather it is about something more.  Oddly it's about seeing what I do want and what I don't want - and that is best done by watching.  And while I'm keeping my eye on the goings on - I'm going to be researching PhD programs - which it seems is going to be ridiculously hard given the area of interest I have - my masters thesis is going to have to be kick ass for me to find the right someone. But I'm ready. The only thing I'm desperate for is a future I feel compelled to be in.