All the Cheese in a World that Seems to be Coming Apart a Little

CW is on the other half of the world right now tending to a very emotionally taxing series of family emergencies and I'm here trying to figure out how to support Ms. J in her family health stuff, what the hell is going on with my medical job, my rejected student loan, life and a sermon I've been struggling to put into words. Oh how ironic.

I'm tired.

This long distance business is a lot harder than I remember it being - that could just be that X and I were only 3 hours apart and CW and I are 10 hours apart and there is all the emotional stuff, but maybe not...

I've come to realize this summer I need one damn job, not 4. I'm exhausted and I finally am starting to feel ready to really stand on my own feet and do some scary things. Well sort of. Preaching still scares me shitless but I feel that voice itching its way out of me like a butterfly but like a less cliche image...

This year is going to be tough, it's going to be hard and all the vulnerability, but in all the awesome crazy hard ways.

Friends and CW I'm so glad I have all of you.

Well...

I pointed out DD to KAB in service on Sunday to which she responded:

And I get it. He's bearded and he's changed a lot since I crushed hard on his Meno artistic self. I mean whoever knew a man rocking on an organ would have been a turn on to my 20 something self? It was probably the self assurance and not the man himself that captured my attention then and now I don't need that - I have that myself.

I'm totally relieved to know that he does nothing for me - one less thread hanging out there. Every man bridge has been burned, and for all the right reasons.

In all this though I have wondered, looking at my female pastor peers - they're all single. It's a tough gig in and of itself, and it's a whole other level of difficult to find a man who's excited to join you in it for you and not what you can add to them or their ministry. For that reason I've actually decided to not join the ranks of the online dating world again for at least the next year.  I need to know a little better where this ship is sailing, whether it's here or the next province over or a country away... we'll see but I'm good with this. I'm happy to date, and I might even just start asking out men for the hell of it - have to find some men first but while I wait for them I'm happy to start some scandal and date the ladies in my life because well: