While I Normally

Use this blog as a place to post about men and dating and being single and even on occasion the annoyances of graduate school all of which I hope is in some way beneficial, but at times I wonder if there wasn't a way to share more of me while feeling safe.

Sharing while feeling safe is in many ways an antithetical statement. BUT that's a whole other issue.

My point?

I am getting serious again about therapy. I started therapy with the severe intensity that only a Type A perfectionist can muster back in 2008. I did group therapy weekly and I did one-on-one with a psychologist, bi weekly for 6 months, then switching to just the psychologist and eventually down to once a month sessions and a solid 4 years later I am at about every 3 months mostly do to finances (which sucks let me tell you to make the choice of bills over brain). I am realizing though I need to get in an muck about in the sludge that remains or remains hidden still.

And I don't really want to. After the whole MW situation I came face to face with the knowledge that my belief that things were more or less working under the surface was entirely wrong. It's not. I'm not. And while I can make that statement I am unsure if I can make the statement that I still feel broken - that I still am functioning within paradigms that are unhealthy. While I may not believe I need a man to make me feel whole (oh dear AshLee from the Bachelor get yourself to a therapist), it doesn't mean that I don't often hate myself, my body that I do not lament my life decisions, that I don't wish things were different, that I could have the courage I know I need and so on.

So, I have decided to squirrel together my meagre extra funds and sign up for Trauma Yoga Class. My heart may not want to be shovelled through with a tiny spoon, but maybe my body will be willing.

So that's where things are at - I may or may not be posting as much or the tone might change, but change isn't a bad thing now is it?