Trying to Get Back In the Game

A friend of Ms. J's who I've known for a while asked me out informally today - as in a let's go for drinks this week ask out.  I opted not to primarily because I don't know if I have the brain space to carry on a polite conversation as said gentleman, while sweet he is oil to my water or more so gas to my flame.  We argue - he might find it fun, but I find it a challenge to play nice.  While he teases me for being a pessimist, I don't take pride in crushing people's arguments etc.  Anyways I said yes for once school is done.  WHY??!!! Asked my roommate, well because he's the least threatening option.  I'm everything he doesn't want, and sure why the hell not take a round at this dating thing when nothing is at stake. At some point I need to find a way to consistently tell my heart the lie that it doesn't love X, and one day it will actually believe that.

Oh in case you're wondering I opted for no visit from X - I love him but I cannot see him.