I Don't Post Immediately and Y'all get cranky

Okay so here is where things are at...

Feeling wise I feel excited and like roller coaster terrified though I've never been on one... I just well didn't expect this and I know that's cliche.

On one tiny level the cliche of it will happen when you least expect it is one of the most irritating ones offered to single people but it seems it has become reality.

But really you want details right? Yes I'm not going to hear the end of it if I don't share those.

So Saturday we texted back and forth and it was really sweet - it's nice to have that balance between feeling wanted and not feeling like I'm being smothered. He had plans on Saturday night and I washed my hair and fell asleep in the presence of one of my loves, HP.

Sunday morning I went to church and sat next to the Douche (seriously he needs a new name because dating has made him so much less douchey, he's actually friendly) and his girlfriend and then after waiting forever in line at the local drug store for the important things - mints and chapstick... I hopped on the train and then had to wait a little for him.

Which truthfully was totally fine and my headspace had been distracted a little too - my flights from Florida have been seriously messed up by Delta and I just haven't had the emotional space to get on the phone with them and fight it out because it's ridiculous that they cancelled one of my flights and rebooked me on an early one that leaves as my flight arrives... yes because that makes sense - there has to be an algorithm that would prevent that.

Anyways, we bought salad makings, I proved myself to be awkward in my refusal to just make a decision, which as most of you know I'm happy to make a decision and piss someone off if I care about said decision, but a decision about which vegetable to go in a salad, whatever all work for me.

We then had lunch, moved to the couch, talked and then while I may or may not be a lady, you can fill in the blank.  I had to head home to help start the process of moving out some furniture for the eventual moving in of some furniture so CW being brave decided to come along.

Frankly I know my PU is not the man he was when I was younger and the twins cause him more stress than he deserves so I wasn't concerned about that, what I was concerned about was CW agreeing to help move the furniture. On one hand it was great, my back has flared up and on another hand I know my PU loses his grace and attention when it comes to moving furniture and construction and I was a little terrified that it could dissolve very quickly. I went well and in some ways endeared me more to CW, that he could hold his own with my PU.

CW stayed over for dinner and late into the evening, missing many buses and quite frankly if I knew of a way to keep him here with me and keep our respective employers happy I would have suggested it but well that seems like that's a recipe for disaster.

Speaking of work, we're trying to balance telling people we love that we're dating and keep it from our coworkers. And quite frankly as KAB burst my bubble this afternoon, I'd have to agree, that while I would love it to be until mid August, she managed to keep hers a secret a week. I am beginning to wonder after CW's light but on the target grilling by our receptionist is either of us is going to be able to keep this unwraps much longer than a week.

So there you have it... a little throw back

It's a Mystery

Could someone explain to me why when I am finally convincing myself that I am happy with community and being single that the Douche decides to be friendly never mind another classmate who I do not know well enough is acting continuously friendly past the point I'm comfortable with for single men.*

I want to be friendly. I don't want to be a frosty b*tch, but it seems I cannot figure out how to be friendly without having to worry about any of my single male classmates getting any ideas about how I feel about dating, or dating specifically them. I am happy in my single woman bubble, especially when it comes to matters related to the Douche. Seriously dude I want to go back to you and me awkwardly glaring at each other in the hall rather than discussing how our semester is going and saying good morning like we can relate to each other.

As for the other guy, he's sweet, but I'm positive he's a lot younger than me, though his FB comments seem to put that into question. Though the big issue I have with him is I discovered via FB recon that he's possibly a closet misogynist. Let me explain, he is part of a men's group that has very specific opinions about men and women - such opinions that led me to the following expression when I stumbled upon pictures of his group together from the fall:

So there you have it universe - I would appreciate if you could go back to normal - where men ignore me and I have a sense of peace in these last few weeks of school. While we're at it just extend that behaviour into the next few years while you're at it.

* Have no problem getting chatty with the married men in my classes because I know exactly where they stand and vice versa - boys who are unattached getting chatty always put me on edge unless I know where they stand like Mr. Awkward Date.

I Was Brave/Stupid Today

I was laying in bed last night thinking about how stupid it was that I was going to wait to tell RB that I liked him.  Why did I need to worry about it for a NLLL month when I had bigger fish to fry like Hebrew, and for what?  It's still going to be awkward and at least if I did it sooner, the awkwardness would be over sooner.

So guess what?

I did it this afternoon.  And even better I did it while in the same room and without alcohol.  That sounds like I was amazingly brave, but I was not.  I did it via FB message and I don't think it counts that I did it while sitting 3 cubicles away because I sure as heck ducked out of the library as fast as I could after I hit send.

In case you're curious I did tell him not to respond.  I mean I am operating on the assumption that he's just nice but doesn't actually like-like me and so given that I need absolutely no pithy statement or coddling.   If he likes-likes me and that's a massive IF, then well the ball is in his court. 

HSBFF thinks he should call or do something - quite frankly I've been brave enough for one day I don't need a phone call. 

And yes I know this is a break up song of sorts but lets be frank this is going to be my song for tonight and we're going to be moving upwards from here.

Happy Valetines Day!

I may not have a specific special Valentine, BUT I feel it's really important to let you know wherever you are, however you're feeling - YOU ARE LOVED and YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE.  Seriously, for reals, I am not joking.  If you're not hitched to someone today it doesn't mean that you cannot give yourself a good dose of compassion, kindness and healthy self care.   And if that doesn't help just remember you're better off than I am - typing this from the graduate school library with a 12 hour  day of classes ahead of me.

On two different note - I did a posting on running and dating and some words of wisdom that I listened to on my commute in this morning.

Drunk-ish Blogging is...

Way safer than drunk-ish snogging - though arguably less enjoyable. Way less enjoyable...

Though that being said - I had an amazing dinner with Just Sayin' who if you haven't figured out yet is one hell of a woman and friend.

But back to the snogging since well I am sure you're wondering why on Earth I'm blogging instead of making poor judgements right now. Well I could be making poor judgements right about now - see there is this party happening right now, this very moment - on the other side of town - hosted by a few graduate school friends, one of whom I am positive likes me. I've never been sure - to be honest I think I also don't want to be sure - I'm happy living in naive land with him. But if I add up all the little parts him and I are most definitely dancing around the issue either of our own invention or via perceptions. As Ms Raitt suggests you give them something to talk about - I think this boy and I have done that unbeknownst to us - so much so that I was given a little indirect talk by one of his female roommates (he lives in a co-ed community house) - the "you know he's a really great guy talk." And I am damn well old enough to know why that talk gets pulled out. So here I am with a man on the other side of the country I love to bits who well I am trying to get my brain around the fact that he will likely never pop the question, and this boy who well I feel in some respects is still a boy... So why not? Why no poor judgement? Well there are about 50 people in my program, and this guy in question is in almost all my classes and one of my tutorials... so I would have to face him a lot.

Do I give him the incentive he needs to ask me out or do I try and quell it all now, or leave it. I know it's the wine talking but well I still am considering in appropriate things so much so that it is a blessing it is a 45 minute bus ride to his place from mine.

Night y'all - hopefully someone else is misbehaving for me.

Oooo I just about forgot he needs a name - so you can vote

Boy Who Stood Me Up - yes he is the same one

OR

Graduate School Classmate

Migraine...

I would like the world to know I had intended to do something with this weekend, like blog for the upcoming week for my running/gluten free food blog - but alas, I'm starting to see double of things from my lovely migraine.  Right now the concoction of pills and baked potato chips (minimize the nausea) aren't doing much other than putting a dent in the pain...  So on that note, something a little more cheery - and no this is not how I feel about X - well yes and no *wink*. . .

Valentine's Day

I have no moral objection to Valentine's Day. Seriously I don't. Weird. I do however have a moral objection to the idea that there will be a man some day in my life who will believe it is important. It is not. It is important that he remember my favorite colour *cough* pink *cough* or my favorite flowers (rose, peonies, tulips, freesia - any are good choices) etc, remember things I like etc. But you know what? I like those things year round. Like a big vase of pink tulips randomly arriving on the muckiest "winter" day around here would be more amazing then a singing card and a vase of overpriced roses (near death)... I know I'm asking too much. I know I'm picky and demanding and not thinking about how hard spontaneity and individual thought are.

So if he can only be spontaneous once in his life time I pray that it is when it involves a Legacy-esque ring and the act of proposing to my sorry self - in other words if he tries to do it on Valentine's day regardless of the carat, the answer will be no. Picky yes, crazy, I don't think so, but then again that might be because I have nothing to test it against.

PS. I will also admitt CEF managed the flowers thing - but he complained about the cost and never ever got a colour I would like or a type I remotely liked... and I am a horrible person for saying that, still

Well Well Well

I have to admit I sat down over an hour ago at my desk to but I keep getting distracted with my hunt for this song I heard on the radio yesterday that sounds so much like Ms. Aguilera but it isn't, so hmm anyways I did find these lovely how to videos on YouTube, so Ms. J no worries, we can start covertly sending these to BV and AB and maybe just maybe things will start working out:


Especially for AB who was getting all the green light signals a girl can give for the last few evenings out, oh well I think that means I'm getting the red light, no? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r87ohPQenso

Of All The Things

Swirling around in my head, the biggest one is do I really have to? Not in like do I really have to work today, because honestly I don't, not because I worked all last week or that my staff aren't here and I'm stuck doing their jobs or that I just feel bitchy today and answering the phones prior to a full moon is going to leave me at my wits end... not quite the primary issue. Sure I even have issues about trying to tie up the lose ends and prevent any possibility of AB finding the blog and so on and so forth, since Ms. J actually has me worried about that now, considering BI found me (but then again I don't think that's ever been a problem for you - hunting me down).

No the grand issue of the day, of the next few days until it gets vetoed or intentionally forgotten is this: Ms. J believes the grand time has come for the DTR discussion with AB. Really? That strikes a serious fear into me, I mean you pull out that shit and they bolt and then what? I mean I guess I really like AB, goodness me, what kind of a hole am I in now? Apparently a once a week activity (since the first week of June) involving one or more of the following: sharing a food item, having dinner together, watching a movie together, long walks and going to social engagements together amongst other things small is pushing the limits? I guess. Because if we look at it this way, add the gushy hand holding and all that, and you get a dating couple. But there lies that line in the concrete - that hasn't happened and so as far as I'm concerned we can leave things here. However, the downside is this, let's be honest I have more chance of owning a pair of Louboutin's in my lifetime than AB deciding to DTR things... so let's confirm this back and forth Gemini moment we've had here-Am I wasting my time, my one + night(s) a week or what have you? And should there be a DTR or move the hell away from it all?

Epilogue-ish:

Why are ex's important - like CEF is as good as never existed for me but apparently he's a freaking issue for AB and BV, especially AB, why the hell do you need to know the details? And secondly I think my wardrobe has bad juju - seriously I wore the exact same outfit for BV and AB and the same but different for AB and OM and both no goes... shit really to it ALL...

I am going to hit my head on a my desk a little while and visit the liquor store tonight - who needs food really, when times are like these and they shouldn't - that horrible horoscope dribble says the planets, stars and their paychecks are all cashed and my future is apparently rosy...