Interesting...

It seems before I have even had a chance to go towards the altar, there are a heck of a lot of my friends who are moving away from it.  Running, leaping, surging head long towards divorce court. Many I really did not think would.  I realize 50% or more of us will chose that option.   I also know that I am not in any position to judge because if for some bizarre reason I conned my better self down the isle to marry CEF, the big D and I do not mean Dallas or Delta or Dubai would have been our destiny.  I just find it interesting, perplexing and well sad.  I guess this only means now I will be likely getting hitched at about the same time the wave of second marriages happens.  And that my friends is even harder to get my brain around.

Human Pincushion

I saw the allergist this morning in the hopes of finding the cause of my random hive attacks, of course I even failed the positive test. So he shipped me off downstairs for 10 vials of blood to be drawn for tests ranging from hepatitis, thyroid, glucose, proteins, etc.  Basically they're testing me from the simple (allergy test) to the complex autoimmune diseases.   So while I go try and nap away the thought of having both arms used to withdraw blood, listen to this lovely song.

I think the lyrics are genius:

Parents

I have briefly mentioned that my father is the only member of my immediate family I have contact with for reasons in many ways too complicated to explain. However in regards to my mother - I have ceased contact in part for the very reason HSBFF would love to and maybe some of you. Mothers bless their hearts have strong opinions, especially in regards to their daughters and their daughters futures. Though HSBFF is married with a kidlet her mother is attempting to make her presence known.

Some of us, like HSBFF and myself have been raised with honor you parents, but when did the honoring mean altering your adult life course to minimize conflict. I did it for many years while in university doing whatever needed to be done to keep my mom quiet. In the end I realized the best option for both of us was for me to sever the ties - she no longer could nag, and I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted and she had to live with it. The odd thing is I know what she would be saying right now:

1.Graduate school is crazy, you know what happened when you wrote the MCAT - I'm not going to comfort you when this fails too.

2. Moving? See you know you're always trying to run away, you never deal with your problems. To which she would add you're trying to make sure my grandchildren never see me, you know how hard that was on your Oma. For the record you moved ran away from home and stayed away...

3. Why are you running marathons, you know you had those foot problems and you look the same (ie. why haven't you lost weight). To which I have tried to explain - no nagging injuries and I run for sanity.

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/24647350@N08/2638469382/

Valentine's Day

I have no moral objection to Valentine's Day. Seriously I don't. Weird. I do however have a moral objection to the idea that there will be a man some day in my life who will believe it is important. It is not. It is important that he remember my favorite colour *cough* pink *cough* or my favorite flowers (rose, peonies, tulips, freesia - any are good choices) etc, remember things I like etc. But you know what? I like those things year round. Like a big vase of pink tulips randomly arriving on the muckiest "winter" day around here would be more amazing then a singing card and a vase of overpriced roses (near death)... I know I'm asking too much. I know I'm picky and demanding and not thinking about how hard spontaneity and individual thought are.

So if he can only be spontaneous once in his life time I pray that it is when it involves a Legacy-esque ring and the act of proposing to my sorry self - in other words if he tries to do it on Valentine's day regardless of the carat, the answer will be no. Picky yes, crazy, I don't think so, but then again that might be because I have nothing to test it against.

PS. I will also admitt CEF managed the flowers thing - but he complained about the cost and never ever got a colour I would like or a type I remotely liked... and I am a horrible person for saying that, still

Struggling

I would like to say amidst all this dating* that I've managed to come to some grand epiphany other than the one that shouldn't get repeated again - I have an issue with that one. The last two dates, correction all but BV have shared too much, and BV couldn't hold a conversation. Look fellas, I know I'm a talker, I work my brain - my feelings and all that out, out loud or in print - which is close enough, and I somehow, just barely have figured out the whole self censor business. Yes I've developed a challenging situation with the NLLL, but I know that the following can cause silence and really awkward situations:

1. Ex's - especially details - like cheating on or by, the dysfunctional nature or any of that, really, seriously - I'm not going to tell you CEF is anymore that CEF - I don't think you need to know that if he ever contacts me that I will without hesitation file a restraining order and while we were at it maybe change my name, move and everything else I considered at one time...

2. Your emotional struggles - goodness we've all had them - trust me, we have, I however think Dr Brain is the better person for my emotional venting, or Ms. J when I've got some booze in me, it's not really first date material.

3. Your job hate - lord only knows how many shitty days I have here, however I'm here in the end because gasp I want to be, crazy shit I know. You don't like the job I don't care what it is get a job you like. I can respect you more for having a shitty paying job or career that fulfills you, than I can do the other - the other is TOXIC, and not in a sort of hot way like the song, Bimbo Spears auto tuned/lip sync'd her way through.

You can tell me the following:

1. Travel - where you've been, where you would like to go and why - ex. I would like to go to India and visit an ashram, or I would like to see Japan because well despite my loathe of Memoirs of a Geisha, the cherry blossoms looked amazing, like well maybe too romantic to go alone, but I would go anyways...

2. What you do to occupy your time - I will shame you by saying I'm a health masochist - I think the best way to spend a Saturday morning is a 13 mile run, followed by a nap/cuddle if I get that luxury or something like that... not that I would offer you a cuddle, but whatever, moving on.

3. Fun - crazy things you've done recently - like I went to a film fest recently... etc

4. If you want to be transparent - tell me about your future goals - BB wants to live in a city I would rather be shot before I would move to for a million reasons - I am high maintenance, and this city is all sorts of wrong, all wrong, very wrong, and it's actually once of the major cities in this fine country. Kids? You know I would like 2 or maybe 4 - let's start with 2, yes my uterus is alive like the hills in the Sound of Music, but I'm not looking for just your contribution, I'm looking for a partner... so yes that would mean I would like you to make an honest woman out of me and marry me before they come along and all that.

But that's it... maybe I should put it at you this way, all this unneeded sharing is equivalent to me saying the following to AB for example, and note in addition to being too much info, it's all hugely unfair to dump on someone, regardless of the situation:

1. I want to get married and I think you're a really really good match - I should be shot for saying that, because while it may be accurate it's not to be said, oh no no no in the words of our fair Ducky

2. I have a ring picked out and L (CW) could get you a good deal, don't worry I've liked the setting for years...

3. The above two imply I want to have your children (which at the moment strikes me as a very odd statement...) and I am okay with the names you've already indicated you like.

I could even get worse, but I won't because I think you get the point...

Hmmm....

AR is in the middle of packing up to return to the land of the koalas and TimTams and all sorts of lovely things I'm sure. So while she was packing last night I decided to regale her with the odd dream I'd had before. Now I will say I do sometimes remember my dreams - but some stick out and are clearer than others - this one ranks up there with maybe 2 or 3 that I still remember to this day - those are for another blog.

This dream involved me having a uterus occupant, and yes while we've been joking that my morning nausea (still happening) is the result of an immaculate conception - this was not the case in the dream. No I know who the father was - how that came to be - well I know how that works - but that wasn't part of the dream - anyways moving on... I remember everything from trying to hide it in my winter work clothes which is almost entirely pencil skirts - not forgiving, to telling my parental unit - same reaction I got when he found out about something else permanent in my life... to being questioned by a patient - the whole thing was like this out of body experience. And the crazy thing about it was the father, who like I need to label, had the same response as I imagine he might - supportive - but not. I'm an old fashioned girl - despite the dream's situation, and I guess I'm one of those you make it legal type people - or my dream persona was - I'm a little more practical than that - anyways she/I wasn't going to get that wish... needless to say I woke up with a familiar feeling these days - sadness, inexplicable in many respects...

So, weird dream, no big deal on the oddness radar, maybe just a sign that I should lay off the chocolate soy milk before bed or something like that. But no, it doesn't stop there - AR was packing up her cards and suggested we do a reading - it was free why not. So first up on the table AB. Well needless to say the cards say confusion and pregnancy. Interesting. It came up more than once... Let's just say it made us laugh that nervous laughter... Given that AR and I have already had this on going discussion about signs and all that, she knows more than I'm going to throw on up here... Regardless in the effort of equality we threw AL on the table after, let's just say it was a whole hell of a lot of ugly, like he got the same reading I would think CEF would have gotten, it was not good, never mind in some cases he got the opposite to AB - like the reverse fool in the place of 7. Now I take this with as much weight as licking your finger and sticking it outside to determine the weather... but heck some days that works - like the entire winter here. So in one last ditch effort we threw DB out there - he got just about every female power card, and a be patient was the answer - patience? I've been patient since the dawn of time for this case and while yes stranger things have happened - like how AB and I came to know each other - but ya, not holding my breath...

So there you have it, with a large grain of salt and a hell of a lot of weird...and also a new theme song for AB - per AR's request it is now as follows - I think it's better: