Blog Men Update

Just because I am not single doesn't mean that I don't still have man issues.  Not X issues and even if I did we have agreed not to blog our relationship problems... whatever, not the point.

BB is the point.  He posted on FB this week, that he up and moving.  I knew this day would come, boy has roots as deep as a azalea in this city.  I know he wants to be any where but here. That being said while he loves another major city in this part of the world I doubt that it's going to fill the void.  So I sent him off with my best wishes that he finds what he's searching for - maybe he'll find a shrink along the way too.  I mean that with with care - I know it sounds bitchy, but I've been there - you can run all you want, if the shit is in your head, it's not going to help you one bit.  I really do wish I could have helped the guy out but there was just no way to do that and not end up with a bloody mess on my hands.  As for the whole no more free coffee, it's probably a good thing for me, my waistline and well me - I was tired of feeling like I was cheating on BB with X. Yes you read that right - I had a relationship with my barista while I am in a relationship with X. I felt like BB was hoping the next free latte would be the one to send me over the counter and into his arms... oh honey, if it was a JJ Bean latte maybe.

AL:  Well he pops in and out of my life.  Look maybe I'm just too damn civil, or maybe FB allows men I'm vaguely friends with to comment and reappear in my life I don't know.  I find it unnerving.  It's like AB knows not to comment, not to talk to me.  I might BBM AB once every 6 months to make sure he's alive but I normally comes down to a few terse answers back and forth and fizzles out.  Well AL I think just bugs the bajeebers out of me due to our history - the more I look at the more I feel like I was being seduced for a pity something.  To ask me on a date on the heels of knowing your friend and I got very whatever and he's intent on breaking my heart because he's a man child seems cold, calculated and oh ya who you are - Mr. Serial Cheater. 

Aside:  So reading through my old blogs I realize I have lost my writers mojo - happiness and writing do not mix - and now Virginia Woolf makes even more sense to me - you've got to be repressed, bitchy and drinking far more then you should and off the hormone pills to for that matter to get the kind of kicky, snarky and aptly observed stuff out there.  So now the time has come for me to find another source, or just to switch to drinking and blogging.

For you X:

A Little Boy Update

I saw (in passing) BV last weekend and it got me started on the flashback (cue the ripple in the screen) and the need for an update

AB: Went to Vegas last weekend, and while I'm praying what happening in Vegas doesn't stay there and he brings something back a little more permanent than a Vegas marriage, who knows.  If he did get hitched I would be interested in meeting her - must be one classy lady

AL: Makes my head hurt, he is so personally conflicted that I don't even bother to deal with all that

BB: Has a plane ticket booked out of here - yes I will officially loose my creepy back hug, but free Americano guy...one more reason to keep up my making coffee at home.

BV: Kind of creeps me out, I have to say he permanently scared me with the side hug, to be honest I think despite the scars he also lost all respect for me to the point I giggle (on the inside) when I see him.

CEF: Let's just say the less I know the happier I am

MW: We keep things as kosher as possible I try to put the kibosh on any type of innuendo, I just can't
stomach going down that road.

NN: For someone who lives in my neighbourhood I never see him, though his FB indicates he's found someone which is great, given he was dumped a week before the alter... it's good to know he kept up hope.

OM: Lordy lordy look who's stuffed himself further in the closet... he's dating a great lady who is about as non-ladylike (by social standards) as they come.  So hell if that makes him happy, GREAT! It just makes me so confused.  I'm not sure if it does solidify my opinion he's a total closet case or maybe at *cough* 40 *cough* he found that he would rather have a woman who wears no makeup, dresses/skirts/feminine-like attire and thinks that an awesome vacation is a week of hiking without a shower.  Maybe I was the straw the broke the whole 50's housewife ideal.  Now I'm no 50's hausfrau, but I really appreciate bathing, liquid black eyeliner, rollers, seamed stockings and skirts.

I digress, I digress.  No new ones to add to the list, and you know what? I'm okay with that because I WILL NOT bow to Mr. Bombastic's attempts to flirt with me, dude I thought about teasing you, but I'm just going to build on my dignity and shut you down now.

The photo?  It's my visual interpretation of what kind of manifestation of the 50's aesthetic I am... and again no it's not me.

Bah! Eck!...

So BB was super nice to me this morning bailed me out of a jam with regards to I failed at my payroll duties thus leaving me without the money to pay for coffee etc this morning... so I was going to repay him with money and some food since BB has been so generous.  Problem is... BB being nice and me being nice back because that is the polite thing to do, is also the most efficient way to send mixed signals.  Now Houston we have a problem.  The kind of problem that makes the can of baked beans I ate not want to stay in my stomach.

I will say I have no problem being rejected, I can totally work with that, as I being a grown woman I know how to process it's not you it's me bs and I get it - I can deal with that.  I however can't be that woman to say it's not you it's me - because in the case of CEF and BB and others it has been them.  BB is sweet, but he's one hell of a broken man and I am not in the business of sewing hearts back together and weeding through more bs, lies and all sorts of issues in the hopes of finding someone who is able to walk with me through life.  I can't do that - I tried to do that with CEF, but knowing that I can't talk to another man, go out with my girls for the fear that I might talk to a guy. Sure a little jealousy keeps the passion alive and all that shit but in the end - that which burns red hot has a tendency to consume the bonds of trust really quickly.  Anyways I digress I was really really hoping that BB's departure for a far far away continent to work would make my life easier but I guess not...

I'm a Dork...

I just spent $100 online buying more books for my bloated bookshelf...oh well. So I was thinking that for the sake of clarification we need to run down the "List of the Men of S&P" and do a little update.

AB: Do we really need to update him - He was my first, he is the PeterPan Syndrome poster child.

AL: Habitual cheater and AB's competition in the "It Never Should Happen in Hell, but Maybe on this Earth" games

BB: Once my source for free Vanilla Soy Americano Misto's and a good shudder/cringe

BI: Occasional commenter here, true friend and someone I miss chatting with

BV: Frigid and conversation shy and source of my longest and most depressing date, minus seeing the Hangover together - he cringed and I laughed.

CEF: The reason I have changed most things in my life for the better, like my hair colour

Date: Still the all the forms of possible dates - friend, pseudo or the real thing

DB: Still elusive and I haven't decided how much a chase should go into this case - it would require a serious effort

IT: Still trying to reduce these

MW: Source of unwanted sexting - not going to even provide him with possibly construed as having a subtext conversations - as CW says - a duck is just a duck, and a goose is a goose, and duck duck goose is just a game.

NLLL: Still ever expanding

NN: Also could go by Never Notever... Nice No complaints guy though

OM: Source of many snickers for Ms. J and I from the unfortunate jeans, his closetness etc

So there you go - no options - though CW has proposed a set up with her beau's friend, so we will see what the future holds... for the immediate future this weekend involves vodka, a trip to Sephora and some totally awesome menu planning/Whole Foods shopping.

Struggling

I would like to say amidst all this dating* that I've managed to come to some grand epiphany other than the one that shouldn't get repeated again - I have an issue with that one. The last two dates, correction all but BV have shared too much, and BV couldn't hold a conversation. Look fellas, I know I'm a talker, I work my brain - my feelings and all that out, out loud or in print - which is close enough, and I somehow, just barely have figured out the whole self censor business. Yes I've developed a challenging situation with the NLLL, but I know that the following can cause silence and really awkward situations:

1. Ex's - especially details - like cheating on or by, the dysfunctional nature or any of that, really, seriously - I'm not going to tell you CEF is anymore that CEF - I don't think you need to know that if he ever contacts me that I will without hesitation file a restraining order and while we were at it maybe change my name, move and everything else I considered at one time...

2. Your emotional struggles - goodness we've all had them - trust me, we have, I however think Dr Brain is the better person for my emotional venting, or Ms. J when I've got some booze in me, it's not really first date material.

3. Your job hate - lord only knows how many shitty days I have here, however I'm here in the end because gasp I want to be, crazy shit I know. You don't like the job I don't care what it is get a job you like. I can respect you more for having a shitty paying job or career that fulfills you, than I can do the other - the other is TOXIC, and not in a sort of hot way like the song, Bimbo Spears auto tuned/lip sync'd her way through.

You can tell me the following:

1. Travel - where you've been, where you would like to go and why - ex. I would like to go to India and visit an ashram, or I would like to see Japan because well despite my loathe of Memoirs of a Geisha, the cherry blossoms looked amazing, like well maybe too romantic to go alone, but I would go anyways...

2. What you do to occupy your time - I will shame you by saying I'm a health masochist - I think the best way to spend a Saturday morning is a 13 mile run, followed by a nap/cuddle if I get that luxury or something like that... not that I would offer you a cuddle, but whatever, moving on.

3. Fun - crazy things you've done recently - like I went to a film fest recently... etc

4. If you want to be transparent - tell me about your future goals - BB wants to live in a city I would rather be shot before I would move to for a million reasons - I am high maintenance, and this city is all sorts of wrong, all wrong, very wrong, and it's actually once of the major cities in this fine country. Kids? You know I would like 2 or maybe 4 - let's start with 2, yes my uterus is alive like the hills in the Sound of Music, but I'm not looking for just your contribution, I'm looking for a partner... so yes that would mean I would like you to make an honest woman out of me and marry me before they come along and all that.

But that's it... maybe I should put it at you this way, all this unneeded sharing is equivalent to me saying the following to AB for example, and note in addition to being too much info, it's all hugely unfair to dump on someone, regardless of the situation:

1. I want to get married and I think you're a really really good match - I should be shot for saying that, because while it may be accurate it's not to be said, oh no no no in the words of our fair Ducky

2. I have a ring picked out and L (CW) could get you a good deal, don't worry I've liked the setting for years...

3. The above two imply I want to have your children (which at the moment strikes me as a very odd statement...) and I am okay with the names you've already indicated you like.

I could even get worse, but I won't because I think you get the point...

I Hate Tuesdays?

I will confess the whole lack of sleep business is about to cause me to go batty, insanely desperate, and very annoyingly persistent to my own mental health's detriment... but that is a whole other issue in the grand scheme of things.

When you're pushing creating a never to be recovered from sleep debt - you notice the most annoying things occur. My trusty black pumps are pinching my right foot, my very expensive Calvin Klein patterned stockings have a pull in them already - and as a side note on the whole stocking business I've been desperately looking for seamed ones and I can't find them for the life of me that aren't thigh highs... anyways I digress. You also notice that the lovely grade 9 boy who takes the later bus is checking you out with a vengeance on the day you might either pull out his liver with your newly broken nail or as I did today teased him with a smile when he tried to be all gentleman like in front of me - yes dear you get a bonus point. Or you lose what's left of your self respect, if I have any left at this point, and you ask out your BB for coffee (post script - we have a lunch date at a veg/vegan restaurant on the other side of town on Saturday afternoon), because hell, if I can give 4 hours of my life to a habitual cheater, I can give the same amount of time to a sweet, always tired, but seemly nice provider of my morning life - the only reason I likely didn't disembowel the little preteen who seemed preoccupied with what a lady might look like in a pencil skirt and pumps versus the teenage girl next to me in sweats with ankle elastic and flip flops... goodness they didn't even coordinate.

PS If anyone, I mean anyone without a criminal record is willing to offer a cuddle tonight it would be hugely appreciated, the bed isn't big, but hell there will be dinner provided. Or if any of you ladies are willing to part with your secret body pillow, which I apparently need to invest in, let me know.

And because I'm trying to work/sleep at my desk... I'm having an odd music day, ta da!

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/56354775@N00/161095153/

Blog Boys

AB aka:ABWLHSTDTAAP (Artistic Boy Who Lost His Shot To Date This Apparently "Amazing" Person...) - LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP
AL aka: BWCTBISOA (Boy who claims to be in search of Ariele) Ariele Lover for short... no? SINGLE
BB: Barista Boy or Slow it on down there, don't chase me I have bad Grade 2 memories I haven't addressed in regards to that....  MARRIED, ALREADY DIVORCED and TRYING THE SAME WAGON AGAIN...OY VAY
Belgian Boy: An accent to make you weak in the knees and a heart as warm.
BIaka: BIWHMBHWTMK (Boy I would have married but he wasn't the marrying kind) ENGAGED/LT
Mr. Brilliant: Awkward non-date and little else to describe our friendship. He's too like me in all the ways I don't like me to be a suitable match. DATING
BV aka: BVHMAOMP (Boy V has met at OM's party)
CEF: Crazy Ex Fiance
CW: Co-Worker since *giggle* is an appropriate description - social justice minded, thesis writing, funny guy
Date* - Includes all the forms of possible dates - friend, pseudo or the real thing
DB aka: DBWCPAMHOR (Drummer Boy Who Can Play A Mean Hand of Rook) - On paper he is all that I should want and ever need. I've known him since I was a child and he has always had this inexplicable pull for me. GIRLFRIEND? Regardless, no longer interested
DirectoryBoy: Fellow student with some weird views on women. Let's just say that's a ship that I torpedoed.
Mr. Not So Grumpy Anymore (Formerly known as the Douche):Moping, always sullen fellow student, questionable possible dating material DATING (thus the non-grumble status)
IT: Intentional Typo
Lawyer Guy: The name says it all - he's a lawyer, he's a guy and he is my EX-boyfriend and is now referred to a NLLL-Ex-Boyfriend or NB
MW aka: MWBTTCGCH (More wilderness boy than this city girl can handle) - Tangoed with that oh so briefly.  DATING
NLLL: Non-ladylike language
NN aka: NNBFMCD - New Neighbour Boy From My Chemistry Days MARRIED
OM: short for many options MARRIED
RB: aka Runner Boy - the sort of dater, sort of single one and definitely not sort of an option.- MARRIED
WTD:What the Duck - my Blackberry's overused phrase as of late...
X:Mr. International Man of Mystery and absolutely lovely to boot.

Last Updated: September 20, 2013