This changes things...

Belgian boy as we will call him for now until I figure out if he's going to get any time on this blog beyond this moment.  A group of about 12 of us had an amazingly fun and bitter-sweet send off for him Tuesday night.  It made me realize just how much I'm going to miss him, but also what an amazing community of people we have.  All of us in a library is somber, all of us in a room with a piano, a diggery doo, a beat boxer and a book of poetry by Banjo Paterson (Man from Snowy River) being rapped and gospel-ballad sung makes for tears from laughter.  Bottom line it made me realize how much more time I should be spending with these people rather than it being all about getting out of the program just because the program and I aren't in love at the moment.   Definite relationship about the school situation.

But relationship change between me and BelgianBoy?  I think I might of torpedoed anything accidentally.  I emailed him after the party, just to say thanks I had a great time and in the rush to leave, as I needed to get a ride to the train, I didn't get a mailing address from him.  I had wanted to be able to write occasionally and email is well not the kind of thing I like to correspond via these days.  I spend too much bloody time at a screen these days - I like paper.  Email you can't carry with you if you're having crummy times.  But given that was Tuesday night and it's mid day Thursday - the day he leaves potentially forever, and there is no email response. Interesting.  I'm just going to leave it.  I have too much else on my plate at the moment.   Namely recovering from a fun night with JS, and a friendly bet gone awry.   We'll talk soon y'all

I Really Should be Sleeping

But apparently my brain feels like it needs to spit something out into the beautiful world of the interwebs.  I have a discussion with CW on Friday, as I was trying to not keel over from my gluten intake,  it appears she doesn't believe in a real true love.  I know there isn't "the one" and I'm not going to ever argue there is only person for everyone - but I do believe that there are people/relationships that are healthier - ones that actually project forward.  Relationships where the guy despite all his talk actually does something to tell the world that you are theirs. CW is not in that kind of relationship and well we all know that I'm not either, that's for sure.  But you know what, I've seen it, I know it exists.  I know that the ones with backbones and feet over head exist - so I'm going to wait.  Yippee more waiting.  Part of the waiting game that I'm finding frustrating is not that I'm not dating at the moment - I've got enough on my plate.  It is that there is this belief that I will be "lucky" or "successful" once I enter seminary.  Yes folks because there is a large number of single men who are liberal, of a similar heritage and love to run roaming around a tiny seminary. It frustrates me.  But before I frustrate you back to the topic of Mr Bomastic a mutual friend of ours posted this picture on FB.  I think it is priceless, especially given the whole discussion regarding his "it's complicated" status.  Regardless of whatever he does to my GI tract - I'm over it.

Attention

Next weekend marks the second year of my not wedding anniversary.  Now I am aware marking my not wedding anniversary firmly slides me onto the cusp of true and utter bitchness.  I am fine with at - hell I ran my first half marathon in Oklahoma nonetheless last year just so that I could say to the cosmos Damn It - I will learn from this, move on, be true to myself and all that good stuff.  I'm not going to make this some big sap fest.  Last year was hard, I last year was still living with the knowledge that it could have happened - I could have somehow sealed my fate to CEF because I am, as you might have noticed, damn well stubborn.

Anyways to avoid major disclosure and all that - I know that for now CEF is living in Philadelphia - I am safe and the world spins on (cue the Weepies song), so in light of that next weekend I will attempt to take whomever I can with me and drink to true love (spoken very Princess Bride-esque). I do believe that there is the kind of love that grows to people together and older/wiser/more mature etc.  I also believe that because we are all flawed love and relationships do and will have their flaws.  That future person wherever they are is there for a reason and I am here for a reason and we will just have to keep trucking on in our own self growth until those paths cross.  I have been gaining hope/inspiration from my grandmother (dad's step mom) who married in her late 50's.  They have been married 25+ years.  She was a nurse, an artist, a farmer and many many things before she was married in a time when being single meant well a lot more nasty things than it does now.  In the end she has had two amazing lives and is one of the most honorable and talented women I know.  So I fear not the world of singleness - I do however fear the world of my own shitty judgment - at least we know I dodged the CEF bullet in time.

Now just in case you weren't aware of the Weepies, a couple that met by happenstance and became this and so much more:

Okay, Now Then

So things are different around here - I am still in the process of making things more accessible. But in the meanwhile we're going to transition to fluctuating format of more pictures, quotes and random bits of my newer life journey thing I've thrown myself into.

You must also forgive me as I am trying to figure out how to use Apple software in addition to this all - I'm begining to think I am going to take the camera to work as the photos did not transfer properly. Ms J the apple lover could you explain why my photos transfer as teeny tiny?

On a happy note as I go off to sniffle my way into bed and hopefully a deep sleep - some music:



PS I have an AB update of sorts - but as for the moment we'll see if he accepts the last curling ticket for the semi-final game on Saturday.