Hold Up, You WHAT?

RB and I finally talked today after he got his pep talk from his mentor... oh honey it gets better.  So apparently he's been "sort of" dating someone for the better part of the year and they just broke up and he's moving on to this new girl.... "Sort of," eh?  That's religious boy speak for we hung out, I got what I needed from the relationship but didn't actually commit and therefore didn't have to act like I was in a relationship.

So I call this pseudo dating.  And pseudo dating is one of the hallmarks of man children.  It is their calling card, the theme of their lives, the root verb of their lives (sorry Hebrew metaphor).

Furthermore IT IS NOT OKAY.  It is not okay, you are in or you are out, but you are not half way or more appropriate to say NLLL hatsi*-ing it.

It was the big red flag that to me in that moment made me want to say, I don't care if you pray about this for an eternity, do not bring this up because at that time I will tell you no and likely I will tell you no with a lot of reasons attached to it that might not be so edifying or graceful.

And for y'all this is your hold up, what moment - one of my fellow Hebrew classmates has a man in mind who from her description sounds good, maybe too good, I have my doubts about men.  So she's working at setting us up - which I'm leaving in his hands or theirs depending on how much she harps on it...

The biggest catch - RB and he live in the same house - the house of men that is off limits and one quite frankly I want off limits as I have no desire for some kind of discussion about me between any of these men. Not that I think men gossip the way women do but a slew of them in a house I doubt they are all prim and proper about not "kissing and telling."  But at this moment the Hebrew calls, I will keep everyone informed. I PROMISE.

*Hebrewisms and the like

Random song that came in mind with the announcement of my first roommate's pregnancy - this album was on repeat while we lived together.

Going Backwards and Forward

AB called me last night to let me know he was going to bed and that he wasn't well, it caught me by surprise which is probably why I answered the call to begin with.

I had texted AB to find out how he was at about 8, just as I crawled into bed to try and sleep off all the horrible things I had put in my body like ice cream... and drifted off somewhere shortly there after, so when AB called at 10ish let's just say I wasn't quite coherent, I do remember something about discussing a massage because he was sore - he's got the flu apparently, funny enough he has been more worried that I'll get sick than the fact that he's getting progressively worse... oh well. Previous to this V and I had a talk about the whole situation, she's arranged the 1/2 blind date, I don't want to know anything, but he knows he's being set up with me, whatever V's told him about me. I feel kind of sleazy about the whole thing, but I'm trying to put the whole thing in perspective, nothing has been formalized, nothing said, nothing gained or lost at this moment.

Though it is funny either I had intentions or a premonition of sorts about this whole thing back in May when AB was introduced to this whole circle. I commented to CC about AB that we knew what happened when a uncomplicated boy friendship and movie watching started many moons ago, funny though this is more complicated than that situation. I think because well it's the reverse, and it's not the way I think it should be, call me antiquated, call me whatever you'd like but I still hold to the belief that it's almost the only way that women have to be sure of anything in a man, his actions, if he doesn't act, it's not of significant enough value to him to do something. Sometimes it does mean forcing his hand, other times maybe it's just about letting him realize what has slipped from it - AB if he's truly interested is going to learn the later at the rate we're going.

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/guerry-monero/3165354613/

Aww Hell No

Of all things, I have found myself in the awkward pseudo GF role, okay so I was fine when it was just AB and I doing things, or a large group, but we've been socially paired off as of late and I'm about to smack my head against a wall until this is all over... Like last night, he's going out of town and had some "friends" (two other guys + his roommate) over for dinner before he left for a while today, and ya AWKWARD... For the love of Peter, Paul and Manolo Blahniks how did we get here... really aren't we breaking some kind of social etiquette? To be honest I'm starting to feel like a cad myself, seeing BV who I know is actually interested and spending time with AB with whom I'm developing the relationship in mid sentence if you want call it that...

That's it, I've had enough. I know that I will likely have to keep repeating that over and over and over again to myself. Because at the end of all this I feel like my brain is rotting and I'm being reduced to something other than myself somehow unbeknownst to me

Research

So while I've had technically second dates with everyone on the S&P roll, minus NN because that wasn't a date* and OM because that was purely a babymomma interview... I've somehow managed to endear myself despite supposedly breaking just about every freaking rule/advice recommend, however I have to say that it made sense... sure it was common sense in many ways, but it also highlighted things I would never have considered like the following - now whether I am going to change is another issue, the book recommends:

1. No thank-you texts/email, ie. I had a great time tonight... apparently that is overkill, either you voice that when the date is over, or no, no fishing for another contact, the implication being every email or text in polite society should be returned/acknowledged, and if he doesn't want to, you are trapping him in the whole being rude/shitty person bubble if he doesn't want to talk to you again... something like that

2. Keep ALL issues to yourself - from I don't drink dairy because I'm lactose intolerant, to whether you are a vegetarian/vegan (I guess you covertly order...?) to chronic illness, despite being healthy, like Crohn's, Diabetes etc, or even relational issues, like my mom had cancer to the bigger ones like I have kids, I'm divorced, I had a CEF etc... sure some of those are really good things to leave off the table and others... well...

3. Understand that you (women) first date for personality (sure looks are in there a little) and second for looks and all that - once it's accessed that they are normal, and men do the opposite, first date for looks and then second date for personality/spark/chemistry sake

Of course the entire book isn't just about us, it's about them too - one of the biggest ones, is making a comment on a woman's looks, I have to say, that while granted I am definitely hyper-sensitive about this, the minute I hear someone say you're hot (it's happened twice surprisingly) it makes my skin crawl, it reminds me that I am being assessed on how I look, sure I know it's happening I guess I just don't need to be reminded that you are glaring at my chest, or scanning my ass when I walk... Comment on a specific thing - I like your: earrings, the dress, shoes (!), your fragrance it/they are ______. Simple for example: I like your dress, the color is unique. Yes okay that's a shitty sentence, but hell, it isn't a killer, if she loves the dress she'll tell you she got it at some quirky shop etc...

Concoct Me a Potion Would You Please?

One for my exhaustion and then one for the boy who keeps weaseling himself into my heart and I hate it, I hate it, I've had it with AB, I know he's just purely charming, a wonderful guy and all that... but he's not that, and I know he's just not that into this, me, whatever all this is, even though AR refers to him as my pseudo boyfriend, and I am finding we are getting looks left and right from various friends - oh well. That is just that - he is my cookie baking, night night sleep tight person and that is just it - safe, secure and wholly frustrating, as it should be, no?

So that being said, while I could ask for potions, notions and other wonderful things, my question is can you just be friends? In the world of men and women, how does this friendship thing work. NN has a bestest who I even asked why the hell they hadn't, and he said she was like a sister, hmm, so is that what happens, you get relegated to sister status or you're snoggable? Given that the claim is that all men think about is snogging and all that is beyond that, riddle me this, why do they want female friends?

So it's been posted before, but hey I still love it, thanks AR....

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/martal/1373968075/