Slightly Overwhelmed...

Life seems to be picking up the pace these days and I'm not sure I like that idea.  I actually really don't like it.  I feel like I'm failing everyone including myself, especially myself at my inability to balance and do everything that needs to be done.... *gah*

But oddly I still feel the need to pass on something - 10 Most Frequently Challenged Books from last year.  Now you might not be aware but every public and school library has books that can be challenged and removed from circulation.  Book banning makes me mad.  I will say that it makes me mad on the level it makes PETA mad every time a chicken becomes a KFC meal (and for the record that doesn't make me happy).  It actually makes me mad on the level that whatever PTA I'm apart of will likely egg my house out of frustration with my insistence that no book should be banned.  I know there are going to be people who say that they are not appropriate for children.  Read the book then yourself and have your child/teenager read it and then discuss it.  Ideas are not lethal if they are discussed and challenged.  They are only destructive if we do not equip ourselves and those we are responsible for with ways of negotiating, challenging and respecting or accepting them. 

As an aside number 10 on the list is Twilight.  I will admit I have read the series. There is nothing remotely offensive in the series - there is implied sex AFTER marriage, and there is violence which is described but not by any means graphic.  So what in there has the after 12 year old not be exposed to in the advertising media?  Books like Twilight as much as I loathe them, they are easily consumable, like Harry Potter, and open children/young adults up to the wonders of reading if they haven't found it already.  So bugger off crazy parents.  That or pick up a classic - Beowulf, Chaucer, Shakespeare, Vanity Fair and the list goes on because everyone one of those entrenched classics has at least one of the following: racism, rape, violence (bloody at that), sexism, cannibalism, elitism, homosexuality, transgender issues/themes, adultery and the ism's go on.

Okay my rant is done, carry on now - hopefully to your local library.

You Wouldn't Think

That a weekend spent in a hospital room would be exhausting.  I love Ms. J and would stay as long as she needed me there - but it's hard to see her dependent on others.  But she is doing really really well in the grand scheme of things. 

But this blog isn't about how awesome and strong she is, though it should be - it is about a video that I needed to see this morning.  A friend of Ms. J's and I posted it on her FB.  Now I'm not a huge fan of FB but when it means that I get to hear something like this - something that almost made me want to cry and shout amen and nod along in silenced awe/overwhelmedness.   She is, that, will be, makes me, and  and will and want to be and and and there is no one sentence that will come from my mouth.  So listen while I try to untangle the sentences from my mouth.

Don't Make Promises You Cannot Keep...

I believe that's the saying... I confess I will likely fail at keeping my promise to keep blogging in the next little while.

My bestie Ms. J has a brand spanking new hip and as such I'm going to be spending my next few days sneaking food into her, watching movies and giggling about the hot doctors (there better be hot doctors).  As such I won't be here.

And when I'm not here I'm going to be studying for the GRE again - good gracious I thought I dodged that bullet, *le sigh.* X and I started talking about the future - not like that kind of future but sort of - it's the even more challenging and complicated future.

See I like to plan, but in recent years I've beat down the planner in me so much that I think I'm afraid of planning. I'm afraid of saying yes to things - of quite frankly dreaming.  I feel like when I get into dreamer/planning mode I forget the present, I forget my commonsense, and I find that the world I try to dream/plan into existence is founded nowhere in reality.  In the end I guess the more I dig into this relationship and my future the more I realize just how damn burned I am/was by the whole CEF process.  Some moments I find it's like realizing not only a scar I wasn't aware of but a whole abscessing wound.  And then there are things that I thought I was afraid of that I really never was... *le sigh times deux*

X and I got into two little arguments if you will call them that last night - one about the cost of his graduation shirt - apparently he's neglected the part of growing up where dress shirts aren't found on the sale rack at the Gap, they cost money because you're an adult and looking like a schlumpy 19 year old is not acceptable at 30+.  But we'll discuss that later.  The other one was why am I doing two years of seminary, when seminary is ultimately just a middle man/point for my MA.  Good question. One that actually didn't really sink in until this morning.

I'm not sure.  I think when I set out to do my two years I was in a completely different place - I was single and I was (still am) really happy with the way things are here community and friend wise.  When I became unsingle I didn't see the point in rushing off to apply anywhere.  I don't plan on moving to be with X unless we are married - plain and simple.  It's a huge move, it's a lot of paperwork and it's not going to be for us just to try things out.  X agrees but thinks I should just apply in his general area - so we are close but not living together.  Here is the sticky thing.  The schools I want are on the West coast... they all require the GRE and I'm feeling royally overwhelmed. 

I know this all doesn't really make sense.  I guess what I mean is I understand that the most practical option is for me to apply for MA programs this Fall, but I think I'm just scared out of my gourd for that whole process.  I once was a jump and deal with it girl, now I'm one who realizes that there are still open wounds from the last time I did that.

Photo:http://www.flickr.com/photos/elizacate/3393159650/sizes/z/in/photostream/

I'm Back I Promise

I have a very busy past few days and this week and the next few weeks at that will be very busy.  But I promise to stay around for even short moments.

So X was in town this weekend, and the weather cooperated, sort of.  It was definitely whirlwind - I tried to make sure it wasn't crazy busy - we didn't do any sites like the MOA or Aquarium etc, but we did manage to find the days full and passing by too quickly.  I will give all the gushing details later, right now I have a case of the sads along with a case of the WTF is going on outside weatherwise and gah it's Monday, and well all those combined along with a still angry tummy about it's heavy inadvertant dosing of gluten will result in crying at my desk.  Crying in public is something I'm trying avoid after yesterday.

Moving on Ms J gets a brand spanking new possibly pink (secretly praying it's pink) hip on Wednesday.  So excited for her to be back kicking asses and taking names or whatever she normally does but can't do right now because she still cannot quite fire her delinquint hip bone. So thank goodness I have that to look forward to - that woman will keep me sane in these moments.

Anyways, life moves on, so I'm going to offer these lovely songs for you - the first artist cd was from X and the second we share a love for - they have two songs on their newest album that always make me think of X (and I am still looking for these ones online...) and last but not least what I felt asleep thanks only to Gravol yesterday as I clutched his tshirt... okay so that made me sound worse than it is... seriously I'm in one piece

Original Version

Random Updates

1. X comes into town tonight - WOOT, so excited and I have SO SO much to do... gah, laundry coming out of my ears
2. That gel nail polish has held up thus far - I've washed dishes with gloves (no dishwasher or man servant)- to help it out, as a whole I support it - no signs of wear and tear after one week.
3. IUD hurts - for the love - I'm trying to figure out if it really hurts because I was cramping post insertion before my cramps started, if it's bad period (which we all know happens from time to time) or if this really is going to suck like this...even worse, I found out no tampons.  It's one of the greatest insults to not have that option.
4.I hope that's the last of the IUD updates...
5. As Victoria has said, since when did it become the end of March?  Seriously?
6. Jane Eyre, The Bell Jar and Fahrenheit 451 lost out in Out of Print Clothing's Book Madness.  I feel literary-ily heart broken.  Why people?  WHY?

Don't Have Much to Say

I don't have much to say - I have a lot on my brain at the moment.... but while I'm silent, I'll let this lady sing - and she can most definitely.

On a Happier Note

I got my nails done yesterday.  Now you may assume that I'm a high maintenance girl and that I would normally have my nails done.  I don't.  I normally think that it is a waste of time and energy.  I think that regular nail polish is a lost cause on me - I do not have a dishwasher and I handle charts, papers and type a lot... Gel nails?  Well I have healthy nails and I'm cheap.

However, I heard of gel nail polish from a co worker, which is the happy medium.  I get a manicure and nail polish that will last longer than a day for the price of a regular manicure.  I will let you know how it goes.

Avert Your Eyes if You Are Sensitive

I had an IUD put in this week.  JS wanted an update on the whole process, so I will do that.  I will say that I chose to get one because while I might be OCD in many other places of my life, my ability to remember a simple little pill, especially not when that little pill made me certifiably cray-cray.  So I had the options of do nothing, which really isn't an option, get Depo-Provera injections or an IUD. 

So I wanted Depo - it seemed simple, a shot every 3 months.  Yes it had it's risks of bone loss and extended infertility post stopping.  I could handle those, I couldn't handle the apparently 30-50lbs weight gain that came with the shot.  I was flabbergasted when I was told that by my GP.  Given my propensity for weight gain I knew I would be looking at the 50lbs end of things.  Good Lord - no thank-you.  So I opted for the IUD.  Now there are two options - there is the "cheap" option of the non-hormone copper IUD.  This option just disrupts implantation in the cervix.  Because there is no hormone it does not relax the uterine wall (reducing cramping) and it also does not decrease lining creation.  The scarier thing is it does prevent ectopic pregnancy. 

So I opted for the Escalade priced option.  Now yes it is expensive but after a year it works out to be cheaper than the pill and it lasts for 5 years - if I need it in there that long. The hormone is localized, so there is no systemic issues related to the pill or Depo.  It reduces cramps and periods and some women have their periods stop altogether.  So now to the hard part - implantation.  I will say I had a wonderful gyne - he was incredibly thoughtful, gentle and funny.  If you want to know who it is, I am happy to pass on his name.

So I will say, since no one warns you - one the box is HUGE, so don't be shocked when you pick it up from the pharmacy - it's all applicator, two take at least 2 NSAIDS (Advil, Ibuprofen) and 1 Tylenol and three do it after your period has just finished.  Lastly if you have had children this process apparently is even easier.  I did not follow any of these instructions - and I was prepped by Dr Nice Gyne that I would likely faint, as the body, rightfully so, is not so jazzed about getting opened like that and having the whole deal go down.

The speculum is fine - whatever if you've had a pap you know what that feels like - getting your cervix opened - both openings, yes apparently it has two openings, now that is what will make your knees sweat and the room turn a shade of foggy gray.  But then it's over.  It's really intense pain for 2 minutes max and then it's done.  You go home pop more pills, eat some ice cream and relax.  Yes there is some spotting for a few days, but since it's also the end of my cycle and I spot for the first 3-5 days before I cannot tell you if it's all from the IUD.

Scared you?  Horrified?  Sorry I'll be back to fluffy stories shortly.  Ask me any questions if you have them

March Madness!

Well the whole world seems to be going sideways in it's various ways - I'm trying to get off sugar, and yet I haven't managed to get it out of me 100% and you know what? I'm okay with it.  I'm not going to call it cheating - I'm going to call it being practical.  Why? Because I look at enough labels for everything else - I am not sitting down to anything sweet, no fruit, no chocolate, no additives - that I add.  So when I do add something like soy milk to a latte or a half pump of sweeter I think it is part of doing this to the best of my sanity.

Anyways not the point of the blog - the point is to highlight the other March Madness show downs aside from the obvious one:

The Fug Girls, the brilliant, sharp tongued fashion bloggers are hosting a showdown of the fuglies, vote for your favorite and if you dare get into the heated discussions around intentional fugging and oh honey no's

Out of Print Clothing has developed the AMAZING, FREAKING AMAZING, I tell you, idea of a classic lit show down.  I will tell you I have a vested interest in this, this is the land on which blood will be spilled for me - I will not let my books go down without a fight. 

Virgin Radio in my hometown is having a cereal show down - this apparently is also hotly contested based on the dialogue on the radio.  I am basing my vote on what I miss the most - today's battle - Life vs. Raisin Brain.  Heck I'm all for more fibre in the diet, but there are decent GF versions of this of Life, nope - and I miss it.  I miss figuring out just how much milk you could add and get enough liquid and still have crunch...

So check it out peeps!

Ugh

Ms J and I have a regular date night - I like date night/games night/hockey night.  We eat, we bitch, we do something - games, movies, yelling at one of the brothers... But some nights when we opt for the movie choice, it makes me think too much.  Don't get me wrong.  I do like to think, but I find that if I get excited about reading, writing and learning I start to hate my job.  Correction I start to hate my job more than I do already. 

Ms J and I were going to see the King's Speech, then opted for the Adjustment Bureau and then as we were in line it sold out, so what then? Well a nice artsy looking couple suggested Incendies (Subtitle -"Scorced").  Apparently it has been years since I took French because the oh so obvious real English subtitle did not jump out at me.  Even if it did, that in the end wasn't what the movie was about, it was the amazing collection of layers.  It has made me want to track down the play it is based on.  It  has made me want to write, to reconsider how as a writer you can choose to layer a story.  A story is not like building a structure, there are no laws of gravity to determine in which order it is built.

But I will stop there and say see it. Please do yourself a favor, yes it's a foreign film - a large portion is French for you Canadians it's really actually accessible.  For everyone else the dialogue is sparse, laid bare and to the point.  You will not be reading a manifesto of subtitles in tiny font.

If it helps you decide it just cleaned up at the Genies and was nominated for an Academy Award.

Thanks Ladies Who Have Come Before

And to all those blazing the way today, thank you for every obstacle big or small you remove on the path to equality.

I Know You Are All Busy Looking for a Dress for Me...

But I think you need to see this brilliance at Public - featured by Etsy

I didn't need this today - but I am so so tempted to print off a few copies... PS female hive mind - what do you think of this?

Slowly But Surely

I am being productive.  I will confess I go through fits and spurts of productivity.  Today is one of those days - I mailed of my deposit to graduate school, sent my old roommate her mail, went for a run and applied for graduation.  I am a little or a whole lot cheesed that the program I was in completely changed so I don't get credit for it - but to be honest, I don't really care.  See if I cared I would have taken the remaining classes and got the credit for it.  In the end I get more or less the same degree - it's a post baccalaureate - and to be honest I'm over it - though I wish I had been over it sooner, damn late fee was expensive.... I also got my stuff together for my taxes - woot me and I have a to do list for tomorrow.

This folks is what running does for me - it gets my brain working properly.

But one brain though it is good, is not as good as multiple brains.   I need a dress of X's graduation.  I know it would help if you knew what I looked like - think average/petite, pearish shape with boobs.  I had been considering a convertible dress since I could rehash it for multiple events while I'm with X.  I haven't decided if I am going to do the whole convocation this second time around for me...

So ladies - an "affordable," classy dress that can be dressed up or down - where would you shop? And I don't want to look like a bridesmaid.  But since I do love vintage I was considering this option, it's classy, timeless and it will keep me running my ass off until May. Color then becomes an issue. I will tell you I do have similar dresses, I guess that is my taste.

Migraine...

I would like the world to know I had intended to do something with this weekend, like blog for the upcoming week for my running/gluten free food blog - but alas, I'm starting to see double of things from my lovely migraine.  Right now the concoction of pills and baked potato chips (minimize the nausea) aren't doing much other than putting a dent in the pain...  So on that note, something a little more cheery - and no this is not how I feel about X - well yes and no *wink*. . .

So Apparently I Still Have the Grumpies

I have this thing I like to call OCD, it may or may not be that, but I don't like a messy chaotic space. Stacks of things are fine, dishes in the dishrack are fine, shoes by the door (lined up) are fine, etc. BUT a paper explosion on my work desk and so many boxes in my living room that I cannot use the kitchen table or put things away makes me anxious. It makes me want to scream. I am trying to be so so chill with my new roommate's slow speed, but I'm slowly feeling the effects at my failed fake it til I feel it mantra. It's okay, mess is okay, the mess will be gone... So when all that fails, I go look at pretty things, expensive pretty things on gaunt models. It reminds me there are nice things, and that food is one of those nice things. So behold the new Anthropologie wedding dress collection...and for the record NO I am not planning, intending or discussing such an event, it is not even a twinkle in this lady's eye.