Purging...

Emotions are a nasty bee-atch. In all honesty I texted AB last night, not for a booty call, no point driving a hole through my heart regardless of how drunk I could have been, and for the record wasn't that drunk. I confessed that I still missed him bitterly and I hated that, I hated I couldn't forget him. He said he missed me too and wanted to get together. Jerk.

So what did I do? All day today I cleaned, every corner of my bedroom, scrubbed the windows, the window screens, the walls, floor boards, rearranged the furniture, washed everything. In the faint, small hope that when I got into bed tonight it would feel different, that the memories wouldn't come flooding back in the clarity in which they consistently do. That I wouldn't long for him knowing it was all completely pointless, and that I wouldn't feel jealous. That I wouldn't wonder about the woman who being better for him than me would be able to get him to open up and truly love someone. I know that it is me. Not that woman, no that it is about me. That I can't be that woman, that I'm not that woman. It sucks to try to daily process that, when they are that person. The person who you first really love and open up everything in your life to and they choose to walk away.

So I work to daily purge what I can - leaving the wounds as clean as possible in the hopes they heal, the scars fade ever so slightly and I move on - another one of those faint hopes.

PS It feels no different in bed tonight...

Time Out

I have been trying to get my head back in my body and extract my heart from my brain for the last two days... it's slowly working. Oh so very slowly. Thankfully the mere mention of another man and heartbreak and all that cooled off MW in a hurry. But really that's not the purpose for this blog, oddly enough I am going to take time out from my vintage clothing obsession, love of Jo Malone fragrance (Agave and Cacao if anyone has still yet to purchase me a gift...) and let you know of the gift I give my grandparents every year. No not puzzles or denture destroying caramels, rather it's water. I give them the gift of water because oddly enough that is what they ask for check out...

Active Water and/or BloodWaterMission

Both options provide water - and oddly enough I will say that I didn't know about Active Water but I will now most definitely see myself running the Chicago race instead of my planned Portland race in October....